I can't imagine it is cheaper to have one huge bunk room and college dorm style bathroom than just put in a few guest bed rooms and bath rooms?

Are there hotels near to the house? You could leave your kids with the inlaws in the bunk room and you and DH could stay in a hotel.

I would probably passive aggressively make comments like "Wow, 8 hours is far, that's a crazy long car drive" and "it must be so wonderful to be retired! I can't wait to have more than 2 weeks per year for vacations!". But my EQ is not the greatest.

My ILs bought a 2 BR, 2 BR condo near a beach and fully expected my family of five to join them regularly (and bring a friend) for family fun.

Semi-workable when our DC’s were preschoolers and ES age, when rolling out a sleeping bag at the foot of your parents’ bed and sleeping on the couch was ok. Now that our kids are teens (and two over six feet tall), yeah. Privacy and a good night sleep are major considerations.

Occasionally our family goes to the condo, but I never want to all bunk in together with ILs. Claustrophobic and zero relaxation.

My ILs were just as idealistic and in some ways still are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps gently point out that one room for multiple families might not work well for some of the common sense and privacy reasons cited here - and don't worry about the rest but stick with visiting when you're willing and able.

This, including the "gently" part, but DH also needs to start clearly managing their expectations as best he can. There could be years of strife ahead if they build this, none of their adult children says a word, and then they get upset that not all the adult kids' families come to them every holiday; meanwhile, you and other in-laws end up resentful if your spouses say, we need to go or they'll be hurt....

Note how I worked in that it's DH and not you who manages communications on this topic? It's truly his role, not yours.

The bunk room sounds fun for kids, but the idea of no vacations with just your own family is too much. Be kind but also be clear. Visit and be positive and complimentary if they build this house but also don't be pressured into going more than you and DH really want.

What does DH say? Is he able to talk with them or us he afraid of rocking the boat? I like the list above as a script for how to address the bunk room issue.

OP here. DH doesn't care at all and isn't interested in going. He goes along with what everyone else wants to do. I know he'd cave to their pressure to spend more time there and would be dragging up along. I could never get DH to say something to his parents about their plan.

Your DH needs to tell them now. The idea is crazy, and vacationing like that seems like a nightmare.

Anonymous wrote:I agree - this sounds like an absolutely terrible idea. My parents bought a vacation house on a mountain. The view and setting are wonderful but there just isn't enough space. My DH hates staying there so we've started renting another house down the street when it's more than just our family (brothers, etc.). They aren't offended and we spend all of our awake time at their house. We've tried to talk them into adding onto it but we're really only there 2 weeks in the summer so it seems to be a bit of a waste when it's usually just them.

No way would I want to stay in a bunk room with my BIL/ SIL/ nephews. Bunk rooms are great for kids but NOT for adults... Is there a nearby hotel/ vacation house you could rent while visiting them? Or talk them into doing multiple smaller bunk rooms for each sibling/ family? My DH wouldn't stand for that either (he hates to share a room with kids), but it would be better than having multiple families in one room. I'm a bit stunned - who would think that was a good idea??

Also I really, really think your DH should sit them down and tell them your family will not be there nearly as much as they are envisioning. 8 hours is a long way away - a week in the summer seems like a reasonable commitment to make but certainly not for short holidays.

OP here. I only get 2 weeks a year. I absolutely 100% will not be there for a week a year.

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps gently point out that one room for multiple families might not work well for some of the common sense and privacy reasons cited here - and don't worry about the rest but stick with visiting when you're willing and able.

This, including the "gently" part, but DH also needs to start clearly managing their expectations as best he can. There could be years of strife ahead if they build this, none of their adult children says a word, and then they get upset that not all the adult kids' families come to them every holiday; meanwhile, you and other in-laws end up resentful if your spouses say, we need to go or they'll be hurt....

Note how I worked in that it's DH and not you who manages communications on this topic? It's truly his role, not yours.

The bunk room sounds fun for kids, but the idea of no vacations with just your own family is too much. Be kind but also be clear. Visit and be positive and complimentary if they build this house but also don't be pressured into going more than you and DH really want.

What does DH say? Is he able to talk with them or us he afraid of rocking the boat? I like the list above as a script for how to address the bunk room issue.

I agree - this sounds like an absolutely terrible idea. My parents bought a vacation house on a mountain. The view and setting are wonderful but there just isn't enough space. My DH hates staying there so we've started renting another house down the street when it's more than just our family (brothers, etc.). They aren't offended and we spend all of our awake time at their house. We've tried to talk them into adding onto it but we're really only there 2 weeks in the summer so it seems to be a bit of a waste when it's usually just them.

No way would I want to stay in a bunk room with my BIL/ SIL/ nephews. Bunk rooms are great for kids but NOT for adults... Is there a nearby hotel/ vacation house you could rent while visiting them? Or talk them into doing multiple smaller bunk rooms for each sibling/ family? My DH wouldn't stand for that either (he hates to share a room with kids), but it would be better than having multiple families in one room. I'm a bit stunned - who would think that was a good idea??

Also I really, really think your DH should sit them down and tell them your family will not be there nearly as much as they are envisioning. 8 hours is a long way away - a week in the summer seems like a reasonable commitment to make but certainly not for short holidays.

You can't/won't talk them down. Just let them build what they think is THEIR vacation home.

Your kids can go for the summer. Maybe one holiday a year and that is it. Don't over think this.

Maybe they fell asleep watching Field of Dreams "If you build it, they will come" and got hypnotized by that message?

This sounds awesome for kids, but I would probably advise them that the adults would probably like a little privacy in the sleeping accommodations. "Hey Mom and Dad - we're on vacation you know!" <wink><wink><nudge><nudge> "How about adding a few small bedrooms that would accommodate a couple of queen sized beds."

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one that would look at it like camping? Bring a tent and sleep under the stars. Or rent an RV for the week for extra space and privacy. I think it could be a lot of fun!

That's actually not a bad idea at all. And she could still send the kids inside to sleep in the bunk room, so she's only need a small RV for her and DH. It could be really fun.

OP, will they have a boat and a dock at this lake house?

I'd chip in and pay the construction crew to build a wall with a door for my bedroom. Everyone else can sleep like cub scouts.

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one that would look at it like camping? Bring a tent and sleep under the stars. Or rent an RV for the week for extra space and privacy. I think it could be a lot of fun!

Camping for Christmas?

If your H is on the same page as you, then you have nothing to worry about. He should be the one to manage their expectations.