Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, with all kindness, if she is picking up on your morose, you are making it worse for her. My very personable 10 year old is off today, I'm working at home, and he has been doing chores for me because I don't have time to fool with a play date.

NP here. If you haven't had a child who is lonely, etc., then why do you bother answering? And to accuse the OP of making it worse.

You are like the smug marrieds in Bridget Jones.

I said that IF the child is picking up on OP's attitude (quite possible, if not extremely likely), then yes, that is making it worse.

There is nothing smug about this. I presumed that OP came here for help and thoughts, not just a parrot back to validate her feelings.

I think the PP is right and not smug at all. Sometimes we as parents take things too personally, even if it's just the memories of our own exclusions or whatever.
I'm not suggesting OP's DD isn't lonely. Only that that I agree that how she reacts may make it worse for her DD. Keep her busy: chores, activities, homework.

Also, have you tried to set up play dates for her with other people? Try to find a couple kids she may want to have over. Maybe other kids who share her interests or who also could use a friend? Or friends from outside school?

OP here, and I totally agree with this. I am fully conscious of the fact that I take this too personally because it triggers all the old hurts I experienced as a shy, sensitive kid. I’m in therapy now to try and work through all of this so that I can stop projecting my own feelings on my DD. That being said, she’s almost 13 so I can’t set up play dates for her. At this age she needs to do that for herself to the point that she’s comfortable. Another PP asked about activities. She does do activities: 3 sports plus religious school. They keep her busy but again, bc she is socially awkward and shy, they don’t translate into friendships outside of the activity.

Again, thanks for all the responses here. It feels better knowing we’re not alone.

OP you sound like a great Mom. How about seeing if your daughter can prepare for half days? She could ask some other kids the day prior and say she's seeing what everyone's up to. Or zero in on another shy kid who she could hang at the mall with. If she's socially awkward one on one might be more comfortable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, with all kindness, if she is picking up on your morose, you are making it worse for her. My very personable 10 year old is off today, I'm working at home, and he has been doing chores for me because I don't have time to fool with a play date.

NP here. If you haven't had a child who is lonely, etc., then why do you bother answering? And to accuse the OP of making it worse.

You are like the smug marrieds in Bridget Jones.

I said that IF the child is picking up on OP's attitude (quite possible, if not extremely likely), then yes, that is making it worse.

There is nothing smug about this. I presumed that OP came here for help and thoughts, not just a parrot back to validate her feelings.

I think the PP is right and not smug at all. Sometimes we as parents take things too personally, even if it's just the memories of our own exclusions or whatever.
I'm not suggesting OP's DD isn't lonely. Only that that I agree that how she reacts may make it worse for her DD. Keep her busy: chores, activities, homework.

Also, have you tried to set up play dates for her with other people? Try to find a couple kids she may want to have over. Maybe other kids who share her interests or who also could use a friend? Or friends from outside school?

OP here, and I totally agree with this. I am fully conscious of the fact that I take this too personally because it triggers all the old hurts I experienced as a shy, sensitive kid. I’m in therapy now to try and work through all of this so that I can stop projecting my own feelings on my DD. That being said, she’s almost 13 so I can’t set up play dates for her. At this age she needs to do that for herself to the point that she’s comfortable. Another PP asked about activities. She does do activities: 3 sports plus religious school. They keep her busy but again, bc she is socially awkward and shy, they don’t translate into friendships outside of the activity.

Again, thanks for all the responses here. It feels better knowing we’re not alone.

Anonymous wrote:I have one daughter who has no friends because she is so shy, and one who has dozens. I can't help my older daughter. She has to help herself. She said friends break your heart, and she hates crowds so she refuses to socialize. I spent all of last year with her on suicide watch, and most of the year she was homebound (hospitalized twice, put in a facility for troubled kids once). I decided to send her to live with her dad in Oklahoma, because she needed a change, and she was dragging my younger daughter down, since she was so dependent upon her. Sometimes we have to try tough love, no matter how tough it is. This is tough on me. I miss my daughter, but she's doing better out there, in a school with only 80 HS students rather than one with 600, and my younger daughter can be herself and can live her own life.

OP here. I am so incredibly sorry for your situation. I hope things continue to improve for your daughter. You are so strong. (((((Hugs))))))

I have one daughter who has no friends because she is so shy, and one who has dozens. I can't help my older daughter. She has to help herself. She said friends break your heart, and she hates crowds so she refuses to socialize. I spent all of last year with her on suicide watch, and most of the year she was homebound (hospitalized twice, put in a facility for troubled kids once). I decided to send her to live with her dad in Oklahoma, because she needed a change, and she was dragging my younger daughter down, since she was so dependent upon her. Sometimes we have to try tough love, no matter how tough it is. This is tough on me. I miss my daughter, but she's doing better out there, in a school with only 80 HS students rather than one with 600, and my younger daughter can be herself and can live her own life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, with all kindness, if she is picking up on your morose, you are making it worse for her. My very personable 10 year old is off today, I'm working at home, and he has been doing chores for me because I don't have time to fool with a play date.

NP here. If you haven't had a child who is lonely, etc., then why do you bother answering? And to accuse the OP of making it worse.

You are like the smug marrieds in Bridget Jones.

I said that IF the child is picking up on OP's attitude (quite possible, if not extremely likely), then yes, that is making it worse.

There is nothing smug about this. I presumed that OP came here for help and thoughts, not just a parrot back to validate her feelings.

You are smug because you think you and your parenting are responsible for your kid being personable and happy. You think OP is responsible for her child's unhappiness. Nothing you've said is helpful you just wanted to make the point that you are better.

I appreciate this thread. My DD has not yet made friends in her new middle school, and is a VERY social child. I am grateful to another parent for organizing a reunion/get together of kids who used to go to school together--we met at a park. If not, my child would also have spent 10 minutes doing the activities I suggested, and then escaped into her phone.
But I was a "surprise" child--much younger than the other kids on my street. So I often played alone. Biked alone, walked to get ice cream, or just sat in a tree. Sometimes with a book, sometimes without. That's OK, too.
It takes time to learn how to do things on your own--but it's a good skill. Not one most children would like to hone, but a good one for life.
That said, my heart aches when I hear that she sits alone at lunch. Just--aches. Lunch is the hardest period of the day for her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, with all kindness, if she is picking up on your morose, you are making it worse for her. My very personable 10 year old is off today, I'm working at home, and he has been doing chores for me because I don't have time to fool with a play date.

NP here. If you haven't had a child who is lonely, etc., then why do you bother answering? And to accuse the OP of making it worse.

You are like the smug marrieds in Bridget Jones.

I said that IF the child is picking up on OP's attitude (quite possible, if not extremely likely), then yes, that is making it worse.

There is nothing smug about this. I presumed that OP came here for help and thoughts, not just a parrot back to validate her feelings.

I think the PP is right and not smug at all. Sometimes we as parents take things too personally, even if it's just the memories of our own exclusions or whatever.
I'm not suggesting OP's DD isn't lonely. Only that that I agree that how she reacts may make it worse for her DD. Keep her busy: chores, activities, homework.

Also, have you tried to set up play dates for her with other people? Try to find a couple kids she may want to have over. Maybe other kids who share her interests or who also could use a friend? Or friends from outside school?

My DD is very social but even so, most half days she will come home from school. She will go out later on, so if your DD wants to socialize maybe you should look how to help her make friends, maybe through some activity?

I didn't realize this was an issue until this past Friday's half-day. None of the kids, besides my kids, were at the bus stop. Either they didn't go to school at all, or they had plans with others in the afternoon. I took the day off so I could take my kids out.

More activities.
and do you have friends with similar age kids or cousins that you can hang out with more often.
I have a painfully shy girl, but she does ok when I arrange something.
I was shy too, but opened up more in high school and college.
Don't worry.

I have been working with my daughter on developing hobbies so that she is not so morose when she is home alone. Right now she's learning to sew.

I hate half days too and the pressure for the kids to be social!! I totally understand!!