Anonymous
10/11/2017 05:15
Subject: Married folks: old friend of opposite sex you talk to/text frequently?
Totally fine. I used to have several. I have found most of those friendships cooled when I moved far away (in a way that female friendships did not). But I think that has mostly to do with women being more likely to do the emotional work of remaining friends long distance. And I still occasionally hear from the guys.
And my DH is really fast friends with a couple of the women he works with. He talks with me about them, we all hang out together sometimes. it's cool.
I do think its good to be . . . conscious of your boundaries around friends of the opposite sex? Not because you're obviously and inevitably going to slip into an emotional affair. But because you don't want to go anywhere near the line where you would.
And my DH is really fast friends with a couple of the women he works with. He talks with me about them, we all hang out together sometimes. it's cool.
I do think its good to be . . . conscious of your boundaries around friends of the opposite sex? Not because you're obviously and inevitably going to slip into an emotional affair. But because you don't want to go anywhere near the line where you would.
mmmb
10/11/2017 03:29
Subject: Re:Married folks: old friend of opposite sex you talk to/text frequently?
Can’t speak for others; but for me, I’d rather spend time with my husband. Or I'd use the time to make our relationship stronger.
Anonymous
10/05/2017 23:45
Subject: Married folks: old friend of opposite sex you talk to/text frequently?
Anonymous wrote:I think it is fine ... most of the time. But there are times in our lives, in our marriages, when we become vulnerable. And to blame it on the friendship with the other gender is just wrong. It is how we deal with that vulnerability -- how we deal with feeling unwanted or unloved or overstressed or depressed or all of the above -- that makes a friendship with the other sex dangerous. And if it comes at the same time that the other person has a vulnerable time, too.
Some people can spot those vulnerabilities and turn to their spouse or turn inward and contemplate or get help from a therapist. Others don't know how to deal with their feelings and emotions and turn outward and away from their spouse, and then you have that opening.
A friend of the opposite gender is not a danger in of itself. The danger is inside yourself.
+ 1
Perfectly stated, and I totally agree. As such, the risk will vary person to person.
ahclem
10/05/2017 21:55
Subject: Re:Married folks: old friend of opposite sex you talk to/text frequently?
I occasionally get e-mail from an old girlfriend, but I am reluctant to go beyond just being polite. A while ago she told me she found our old tickets to the Woodstock Festival, and would I want mine back--complete with original mud! I bought the tickets in advance (I think they were about $15.00 each), but the tickets were never collected as the place was totally crazy when we got there. I said no. How would I explain to my wife that this ticket "suddenly" appeared! Wife knows I was there but I never told her the details, and I would rather keep that in the past. BTW, wife is a lot younger than me.
Anonymous
10/04/2017 13:44
Subject: Married folks: old friend of opposite sex you talk to/text frequently?
Anonymous wrote:I think it is fine ... most of the time. But there are times in our lives, in our marriages, when we become vulnerable. And to blame it on the friendship with the other gender is just wrong. It is how we deal with that vulnerability -- how we deal with feeling unwanted or unloved or overstressed or depressed or all of the above -- that makes a friendship with the other sex dangerous. And if it comes at the same time that the other person has a vulnerable time, too.
Some people can spot those vulnerabilities and turn to their spouse or turn inward and contemplate or get help from a therapist. Others don't know how to deal with their feelings and emotions and turn outward and away from their spouse, and then you have that opening.
A friend of the opposite gender is not a danger in of itself. The danger is inside yourself.
Exactly this. You can have friends of the gender you are attracted to, and you can even admit to yourself that you have the attraction. But if you admit it to the other person or start acting on that attraction, even "innocently," you run into dangerous territory.
My spouse and his emotional AP had a list of topics that they felt were too dangerous to discuss. Why neither of them understood that they were already entrenched when they had admitted danger points is beyond me, but I guess you can't look for rational behavior in an irrational, "safe" situation.
Anonymous
10/04/2017 10:17
Subject: Re:Married folks: old friend of opposite sex you talk to/text frequently?
Absolutely. I was 31 when I married. Whole lot of life lived before then.
Anonymous
10/04/2017 10:10
Subject: Married folks: old friend of opposite sex you talk to/text frequently?
I think it is fine ... most of the time. But there are times in our lives, in our marriages, when we become vulnerable. And to blame it on the friendship with the other gender is just wrong. It is how we deal with that vulnerability -- how we deal with feeling unwanted or unloved or overstressed or depressed or all of the above -- that makes a friendship with the other sex dangerous. And if it comes at the same time that the other person has a vulnerable time, too.
Some people can spot those vulnerabilities and turn to their spouse or turn inward and contemplate or get help from a therapist. Others don't know how to deal with their feelings and emotions and turn outward and away from their spouse, and then you have that opening.
A friend of the opposite gender is not a danger in of itself. The danger is inside yourself.
Some people can spot those vulnerabilities and turn to their spouse or turn inward and contemplate or get help from a therapist. Others don't know how to deal with their feelings and emotions and turn outward and away from their spouse, and then you have that opening.
A friend of the opposite gender is not a danger in of itself. The danger is inside yourself.
Anonymous
10/04/2017 09:51
Subject: Re:Married folks: old friend of opposite sex you talk to/text frequently?
Both of us have opposite sex friends from high school/college that we text with a few times per month. No issues for either of us.
Anonymous
10/04/2017 09:44
Subject: Married folks: old friend of opposite sex you talk to/text frequently?
Yep, I have a couple male friends I text with a few times a week. Both married with kids, no interest in anything romantic on either side.
I have seen it go the other way- I had an ex who texted with a female friend he had known since college and it was a borderline emotional affair. While the weren't planning on leaving their spouses to be with each other, both used it as an escape from the realities of married life and got their emotional fulfillment from each other rather than their spouses.
How is your relationship otherwise?
I have seen it go the other way- I had an ex who texted with a female friend he had known since college and it was a borderline emotional affair. While the weren't planning on leaving their spouses to be with each other, both used it as an escape from the realities of married life and got their emotional fulfillment from each other rather than their spouses.
How is your relationship otherwise?