Being alone and feeling lonely are not the same thing. I love being alone, but sometimes I feel lonely. Often, I feel the loneliest when I am in a group of people, but don't really feel a part of it.

Maybe it's depression, not loneliness.
Not scientifically proven but I think loneliness is temporary, depression is ongoing.

OP, read Brene Brown's new book, Braving the Wilderness. She addresses chronic loneliness.

I think there are different layers and types of "lonely" and many people feel that way from time to time. I have lots of friends and acquaintances and a busy life, so I get plenty of social interaction. But I don't have a spouse, and never have, so there has always been that space that others seem to have an easier time filling. So that part of my life can be lonely. But I can mostly fill up the other parts so it only occasionally feels too lonely. My family is also far away, and I wish I had more time with them, but I don't feel lonely there.

OP, you may have to accept that in your case, your nuclear family and your friends are your family. Not everyone has family in the area, and you either need to start to accept that or make plans to change it.

OP, I sometimes have the same feeling. What has helped is that I have picked up a hobby (sewing). It's something I enjoy and can do alone. Maybe take a class on something fun so you can meet new people.

My family also lives far away. I have a really big and close family back home but I have had to accept that this is where I live otherwise it's easy to fall into being depressed.

Anonymous wrote:I have chronic loneliness. I've always felt lonely, even as a child. I was an only child too. Even as a teen/college student I still felt lonely all the time. Now I have a husband and kids but still feel chronically lonely when I am not around them (like when the kids are in school and husband is at work). I have friends, and several good friends. No local family though and a very small extended family. I feel extisentially alone in the world, and always have. I think a big part of that is being an only child, having parents who live far away and are not involved, and very little extended family (no real relationships).

Why do I feel like this? I've been to lots of therapy and have never been able to gain any insight into this.

OP< not to sound abrupt - but plenty of people are alone, and like it. I don't think you should assume that "chronic loneliness" is a thing for every person who is alone. Is it a thing at all? Do you go out and do things? Do you have buddies you call to go out?

"We live as we dream, alone." J. Conrad

"Etre adulte, c'est etre seul." J. Rostand

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a husband and kids and are financially set why the hell are you moaning about being lonely? I'm a single woman who just turned 30 and don't feel lonely. I have dogs and immediate family I am close to but if I had a hubby and kids I wouldnt moan on dcum about being lonely. Also grew up practically an only child and played by myself growing up.

You are so comfortable being alone that you will likely be perpetually single. Not kidding, the loneliness is usually what compels people to get a mate and marry. You can be too comfortable in loneliness.

Not pp, but getting married because you have a fear of being alone, is sad. Maybe that's why a lot of people get married, but to me that seems like a terrible reason to get married, and why so many people stick around in awful situations or incompatible relationships. I'd rather be perpetually single than desperately married out of a fear of loneliness!

Anonymous wrote:You have a husband and kids and are financially set why the hell are you moaning about being lonely? I'm a single woman who just turned 30 and don't feel lonely. I have dogs and immediate family I am close to but if I had a hubby and kids I wouldnt moan on dcum about being lonely. Also grew up practically an only child and played by myself growing up.

You are so comfortable being alone that you will likely be perpetually single. Not kidding, the loneliness is usually what compels people to get a mate and marry. You can be too comfortable in loneliness.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you really need to learn how to be alone. What is up with so many people that they NEED to be around others ALL the time? It's just plain weird. Get comfortable with yourself. Enjoy your OWN company. It'll pay off in the long run.

+1

Although I was raised with 3 siblings. I LOVE being alone. I'm not antisocial and have my moments, but I love going for a walk or hike alone. Or even taking a trip myself. I never had alone time as a kid, so now I soak it up and enjoy the hell out of it.

What is it about being alone that makes you feel "lonely" (being alone and feeling lonely are two very different things). Is it being quiet with your own thoughts? Is it needing attention? Is it a fear of doing things by yourself? These things are important to explore to make you feel more comfortable being alone.

+2. I'm an introvert and I love being alone and having time to myself.

Are you an extrovert, OP? Make plans to spend more time around others.

Lonelineness and anxiety being alone are very different things.

I have had my moments of loneliness where I feel like I'm just aimlessly wandering through life and no one would really be there for me if I needed them. All my family live a plane ride away. Most of the time though, I love being alone. I enjoy just having silence. I get to do whatever I want. Be your own best friend. Even try talking to yourself. It seems like you are being passive, waiting for someone else to reach out to you. If you are lonely, then reach out to someone, or be active in using your own mind. Pursue a hobby. Why are you afraid of being alone? What exactly are you afraid of?

Learn to love yourself and be your own companion. It sounds absolutely ridiculous but it worked for me. Build an interior monologue in moments like this. "I'm here for you, I love you, I will take care of you." Whatever works.

Heck op, you need to take a lesson from someone who enjoy being by themselves.
Do you enjoy doing something on your own?
What is it?
I know someone like you, it started in childhood.
Feeling of abandonment is how it sounds like, were you feeling that a lot? Maybe one parent travel or went away for long periods?

Anonymous wrote:OP, you really need to learn how to be alone. What is up with so many people that they NEED to be around others ALL the time? It's just plain weird. Get comfortable with yourself. Enjoy your OWN company. It'll pay off in the long run.

+1

Although I was raised with 3 siblings. I LOVE being alone. I'm not antisocial and have my moments, but I love going for a walk or hike alone. Or even taking a trip myself. I never had alone time as a kid, so now I soak it up and enjoy the hell out of it.

What is it about being alone that makes you feel "lonely" (being alone and feeling lonely are two very different things). Is it being quiet with your own thoughts? Is it needing attention? Is it a fear of doing things by yourself? These things are important to explore to make you feel more comfortable being alone.