Over the years I've had to avoid carpooling with one family. The player (girl in this case) caused a ton of drama in the car whispering in the back seat and just generally causing drama in any way imaginable + her mom was a massive flake who would need to change the carpool plans about 65% of the time she was scheduled to drive. She would describe herself as very generous with her time and in some ways she is. But, it's never in a reliable fashion. She'll offer spur of the moment to drop this kid or take that kid, but she couldn't stick to a plan. That is not how my life works so I made arrangements to car pool with just one other family that I could rely on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask to join the carpool? What reason have they given you for not letting you join?

I have 2 kids that play on a travel team and I've been doing this for 10 years. I've never heard of anyone caring about their kid interacting with other kids based on skill level.

We had the opportunity to join a far away team that would mean rush hour traffic getting to/from practice and a home field 45 minutes away. In the end I decided it wasn't worth it and we stuck with our local nearby club. Any chance you could switch to a team that's closer to you?

I completely have!! My middle school aged travel soccer player is a girl but I know a family on the boy side of things who is 100% like this. Every interaction they have with other people in the sports world is based on what that person can do for their son. They surround him by other winners. The have
zero and i mean zero time for any kid who isn't a top player.
I joke that the mom chooses what she eats for breakfast based on what advantage it will give her child.

Thanks for weighing in. Just because someone hasn't experienced it doesn't mean it is not happening. And some clubs foster the competition.

I'm the OP that was quoted in bold. I in no way meant to imply that this was not happening to the OP, just stating that in my time of doing this travel soccer stuff I have never experienced it. I consider myself extremely lucky to actually like and get along with almost all of the parents I've come across through this.


OP - you never answered my question, which I am very curious about. Did you explicitly ask to join the carpool and if so what was the answer given to you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask to join the carpool? What reason have they given you for not letting you join?

I have 2 kids that play on a travel team and I've been doing this for 10 years. I've never heard of anyone caring about their kid interacting with other kids based on skill level.

We had the opportunity to join a far away team that would mean rush hour traffic getting to/from practice and a home field 45 minutes away. In the end I decided it wasn't worth it and we stuck with our local nearby club. Any chance you could switch to a team that's closer to you?

I completely have!! My middle school aged travel soccer player is a girl but I know a family on the boy side of things who is 100% like this. Every interaction they have with other people in the sports world is based on what that person can do for their son. They surround him by other winners. The have
zero and i mean zero time for any kid who isn't a top player.
I joke that the mom chooses what she eats for breakfast based on what advantage it will give her child.

Thanks for weighing in. Just because someone hasn't experienced it doesn't mean it is not happening. And some clubs foster the competition.

Anonymous wrote:Are you one of those parents always causing drama? Bitching about your kids playtime? Keeping score of who gets what? Always keeping score? Because that kimd of sports parent is THE WORST.

Um, did you read the thread or just 1 or 2 comments? We are pretty chill as parents of kids on travel teams. Kids are responsible for liaising with coaches. Kids responsible for their uniform, soccer bag, etc. We do not believe our DCs are Div 1 material. If anything, some of these parents probably think we are falling down as our DCs do not have private coaching.

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask to join the carpool? What reason have they given you for not letting you join?

I have 2 kids that play on a travel team and I've been doing this for 10 years. I've never heard of anyone caring about their kid interacting with other kids based on skill level.

We had the opportunity to join a far away team that would mean rush hour traffic getting to/from practice and a home field 45 minutes away. In the end I decided it wasn't worth it and we stuck with our local nearby club. Any chance you could switch to a team that's closer to you?

I completely have!! My middle school aged travel soccer player is a girl but I know a family on the boy side of things who is 100% like this. Every interaction they have with other people in the sports world is based on what that person can do for their son. They surround him by other winners. The have
zero and i mean zero time for any kid who isn't a top player.
I joke that the mom chooses what she eats for breakfast based on what advantage it will give her child.

Anonymous wrote:Are you a good driver?

As part of the car pool you would drive their kids sometimes, true? Maybe they don't think you're a good driver.

Spotless record. Mind you, as I stated earlier, these parents will ask us to drive their DCs to games, ad hoc practices, etc so can't be that.

I am an avid carpooler, but I once had to extract myself out of one because the mom was crazy and a terrible driver. She would be late, once squeezed in an extra kid (with no seat belt) and had 2 accidents (without kids) in 4 months. She was not allowed to drive my kids after that.

This doesn't sound like the case with your situation, but is there anything you can think of that would make them wary to have you drive their kids? Do you know any of the moms better than the others to at least ask if there is something you have done? Did you very explicitly ask to join the carpool or did you just 'hint' that you'd like to be included (maybe you think you asked but they just never picked up on it)?

As close as travel teams tend to be and how there normally is an attitude of all being in it together, this just sounds like there is either some miscommunication or more going on than what it seems at first glance.

If they really are deliberately excluding you, they sound like horrible people...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see this dynamic on DD’s travel soccer team also. In this case, the moms all play tennis together at Washington Golf and use that as a reason to not expand the carpool to some families. Maybe the logistics of playing doubles and soccer carpools are real. I think it is more a point of pride to be able exclude others.

Holy crap. So relieved left Arlington.

Ditto. This kind of behavior is really shockingly prevalent north of Lee Highway.

Are you a good driver?

As part of the car pool you would drive their kids sometimes, true? Maybe they don't think you're a good driver.

Are you one of those parents always causing drama? Bitching about your kids playtime? Keeping score of who gets what? Always keeping score? Because that kimd of sports parent is THE WORST.

OP here, thanks for all the responses. This is not the case for other DC. In fact, there are 2 families who drive the majority of the team as a number of the players' parents either don't have cars or use their car for work (cabbie, uber, etc). The parents on this team try to help out as needed and never complain that they always have to drive so and so's kid. Probably why I like these folks more.

Oh well, this will probably go on for 2 to 3 more years, maybe less, if older DC opts to play for school team only.

Anonymous wrote:Our travel team is nothing like this! It’s the only way we could all do it - helping each other out. And my kids on the bottom of the team!

Same is true on my kids baseball, basketball and softball teams. All anyone has to do is send an email out asking for a ride.

Anonymous wrote:I see this dynamic on DD’s travel soccer team also. In this case, the moms all play tennis together at Washington Golf and use that as a reason to not expand the carpool to some families. Maybe the logistics of playing doubles and soccer carpools are real. I think it is more a point of pride to be able exclude others.

Holy crap. So relieved left Arlington.

Our travel team is nothing like this! It’s the only way we could all do it - helping each other out. And my kids on the bottom of the team!

I see this dynamic on DD’s travel soccer team also. In this case, the moms all play tennis together at Washington Golf and use that as a reason to not expand the carpool to some families. Maybe the logistics of playing doubles and soccer carpools are real. I think it is more a point of pride to be able exclude others.