Anonymous
Post 09/25/2017 13:00     Subject: Do you let you 17- or 18-year-old high school senior visit friends at college?
I'm so thankful that my oldest (17) didn't have any really good friends who graduated last year, so we don't have this issue. She had some acquaintances who graduated that she knew from sports teams, but none close enough to want to go visit.

I probably wouldn't let her. She's a good kid with a good head on her shoulders, but I know exactly what went on when I was in my first year of college and younger HS friends came to visit or college roommate's younger siblings came to visit. How any of us survived without any arrests or cases of alcohol poisoning, I'll never know.

I vividly remember one weekend when my roommate had to run home to pick up her baby brother (3) and younger sister (14) because her parents were out of town and the nanny had to leave ASAP because of a family emergency. We ended up getting a guest football ticket for her younger sister and sneaked her brother in under the maxi skirt of our tall, hippie friend. Not even kidding. I still have the (disposable) camera photos of us clustered around our hippie friend, giving thumbs up to her pulling up her skirt and my roommate's little brother hidden under there. We let her little sister drink and get tipsy. Then, we just put her little brother to bed in her room and closed that door when we had a party later that night. If the police had shown up that night to bust up our party, we'd have all been beyond screwed. Ah, to be young and dumb.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2017 12:43     Subject: Do you let you 17- or 18-year-old high school senior visit friends at college?
Juniors and seniors going to visit (and party with) college freshman friends is super common.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2017 12:00     Subject: Do you let you 17- or 18-year-old high school senior visit friends at college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm going to go against the grain here. When I was a senior in college, I did three weekend visits on college campuses that were required as part of merit scholarship interviews. One, the school put us up in a hotel on campus. The other two, we crashed with kids who had the same scholarship. Sleeping bag on the dorm floor. I stayed on campus with a friend who was a year older at a 4th college I was considering.

Those visits made me realize that my "dream college" was actually not a great fit, and that the college I had applied to to just to make my parents happy was a wonderful choice for me.

I would not want my own kids to choose a college without spending the night, preferably in a dorm, eating in the dining hall, attending some classes and meeting some kids without a parent tagging along-- when they are second semester seniors, for places the have acceptances or are likely to be accepted, or when they are interviewing for scholarships.

I don't condone drinking in high school, or wild partying or anything of that sort. My kids don't get to do whatever they want. But, if I can't trust them for 24 hours on a college campus in early spring of their senior year, how am I supposed to trust them to live on that same campus for weeks or months on end less than 6 months later? If they really can't manage a late Senior year overnight at a college they might attend in a few months, then I haven't done my job in preparing them to leave the nest.


I agree with all of this, and will add that "attending some classes and meeting some kids without a parent tagging along" is also what we've done during daytime college trips at places where my kid has a friend. We've done the tours and info sessions together, then he's gone to a class and met with a friend while we look around separately. That's given him a better idea of what the school is like.
If he has several to choose from, he is planning on going to whatever the schools have for admitted students day, and I hope that will include an overnight.

But I would not be inclined to let a senior go visit friends overnight at a school he wasn't considering, especially over Halloween or other dates that would have more partying than usual.


Agree with both points: An overnight post-admission visit to a school is different from a fun weekend visiting a friend. And even so, an overnight visit really isn't required to attend classes and meet students and get a sense of a the place. But if my kid wanted to do an admitted students' overnight, I'd be fine with that.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2017 11:35     Subject: Do you let you 17- or 18-year-old high school senior visit friends at college?
Anonymous wrote:I'm going to go against the grain here. When I was a senior in college, I did three weekend visits on college campuses that were required as part of merit scholarship interviews. One, the school put us up in a hotel on campus. The other two, we crashed with kids who had the same scholarship. Sleeping bag on the dorm floor. I stayed on campus with a friend who was a year older at a 4th college I was considering.

Those visits made me realize that my "dream college" was actually not a great fit, and that the college I had applied to to just to make my parents happy was a wonderful choice for me.

I would not want my own kids to choose a college without spending the night, preferably in a dorm, eating in the dining hall, attending some classes and meeting some kids without a parent tagging along-- when they are second semester seniors, for places the have acceptances or are likely to be accepted, or when they are interviewing for scholarships.

I don't condone drinking in high school, or wild partying or anything of that sort. My kids don't get to do whatever they want. But, if I can't trust them for 24 hours on a college campus in early spring of their senior year, how am I supposed to trust them to live on that same campus for weeks or months on end less than 6 months later? If they really can't manage a late Senior year overnight at a college they might attend in a few months, then I haven't done my job in preparing them to leave the nest.


I agree with all of this, and will add that "attending some classes and meeting some kids without a parent tagging along" is also what we've done during daytime college trips at places where my kid has a friend. We've done the tours and info sessions together, then he's gone to a class and met with a friend while we look around separately. That's given him a better idea of what the school is like.
If he has several to choose from, he is planning on going to whatever the schools have for admitted students day, and I hope that will include an overnight.

But I would not be inclined to let a senior go visit friends overnight at a school he wasn't considering, especially over Halloween or other dates that would have more partying than usual.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2017 23:59     Subject: Do you let you 17- or 18-year-old high school senior visit friends at college?
I'm going to go against the grain here. When I was a senior in college, I did three weekend visits on college campuses that were required as part of merit scholarship interviews. One, the school put us up in a hotel on campus. The other two, we crashed with kids who had the same scholarship. Sleeping bag on the dorm floor. I stayed on campus with a friend who was a year older at a 4th college I was considering.

Those visits made me realize that my "dream college" was actually not a great fit, and that the college I had applied to to just to make my parents happy was a wonderful choice for me.

I would not want my own kids to choose a college without spending the night, preferably in a dorm, eating in the dining hall, attending some classes and meeting some kids without a parent tagging along-- when they are second semester seniors, for places the have acceptances or are likely to be accepted, or when they are interviewing for scholarships.

I don't condone drinking in high school, or wild partying or anything of that sort. My kids don't get to do whatever they want. But, if I can't trust them for 24 hours on a college campus in early spring of their senior year, how am I supposed to trust them to live on that same campus for weeks or months on end less than 6 months later? If they really can't manage a late Senior year overnight at a college they might attend in a few months, then I haven't done my job in preparing them to leave the nest.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2017 23:29     Subject: Do you let you 17- or 18-year-old high school senior visit friends at college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Overnight? Entire weekend? Diff rules for son and daughter (date rape)?


So boys can't be date raped by girls?


LOL
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2017 23:09     Subject: Do you let you 17- or 18-year-old high school senior visit friends at college?
Anonymous wrote:If you are a parent who would not allow, what are your thoughts on senior week?


Absolutely not.

--pp with kids 19 and 14
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2017 19:50     Subject: Do you let you 17- or 18-year-old high school senior visit friends at college?
High school senior - YES. When he had 4 acceptances in hand and couldn't decide between them, he did overnights at each and stayed with friends. Friends I knew, I should add. I was totally fine with it. But there was a purpose...I mean I'm sure he partied but he had been accepted to each of these schools and was trying to decide whether or not to go there. A 16 year old who just wants to go to some random college to party? No.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2017 19:50     Subject: Do you let you 17- or 18-year-old high school senior visit friends at college?
Anonymous wrote:Overnight? Entire weekend? Diff rules for son and daughter (date rape)?


So boys can't be date raped by girls?
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2017 19:45     Subject: Re:Do you let you 17- or 18-year-old high school senior visit friends at college?
I went to visit my brother when he was a freshman in college and i was 16 for Halloween weekend. I drank WAY too much grain punch and got sick as a dog. He kept an eye on me but it probably wasn't the best idea to visit him in hindsight. I did learn that praying to the porcelain goddess was no fun at all and therefore avoided drinking more than 2 drinks at a time when i went away to college.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2017 18:40     Subject: Do you let you 17- or 18-year-old high school senior visit friends at college?
If you are a parent who would not allow, what are your thoughts on senior week?
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2017 18:39     Subject: Do you let you 17- or 18-year-old high school senior visit friends at college?
A 16 year old a big difference from am 18 year old senior. Anyway, my athlete son did a few overnights. I or my DH were at a local hotel.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2017 18:25     Subject: Do you let you 17- or 18-year-old high school senior visit friends at college?
My oldest is still 16 but I'd consider saying yes. My own college visits at that age also involved seeing college socializing (bars, big parties) and helped me understand that wasn't for me. Like so many things- it depends on the kid.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2017 18:10     Subject: Do you let you 17- or 18-year-old high school senior visit friends at college?
Anonymous wrote:No. I used to visit my college friends when I was in high school and every event involved drinking and unacceptable behavior. I'm surprised I survived!


Exactly this.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2017 18:08     Subject: Do you let you 17- or 18-year-old high school senior visit friends at college?
Anonymous wrote:Do you let your kid sleepover at a trusted friend's house if no parents are home? Same thing. If I trust the friend and I'm OK either the proposed sleeping arrangement, I'd allow it. If you're so worried about your DD being irresponsible, then you probably shouldn't go cold turkey next year anyway...


No, I don't do this either. Nor do I leave my teens alone overnight. So trusted friend can come here to sleep.