Anonymous
Post 09/21/2017 16:11     Subject: Nobody brought us food
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't know this was expected so maybe it's not as common of an assumption as you think. That said, thinking of my close friends and family who would be the first people to visit, I wouldn't hesitate to say "Hey if you're coming by, can you pick up some food? I'll give you some money when you get here." Key word being "close". Or take up the offer from those friends/family who say "Let me know if there's anything I can do to help." You can't just expect people to help if you don't ask.


This.

I was going to ask if there's something about having a baby that makes you want to be martyr and victim, but obviously not everyone feels that way.


Same here. I can't remember if people brought me food except my one, oldest friend who made my favorite baked goods for me. Mostly if people came over for any length of time, we ordered. I remember with younger DS, I was still in the hospital post c-section and DH got into a fight with his mother about getting dinner for them all including older DD, and he was ticked he had to do it himself instead of my MIL. Most people visited while one or more set of our parents were in town so there was always someone to find something to eat. We also live in the city less than 2 blocks from restaurants and markets.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2017 16:10     Subject: Nobody brought us food
I remember coming home from the hospital with my second baby - my in laws, parents and sisters were all there waiting for us with my 2 year old - and within 5 mins of my arrival my mom asked what I was making them for dinner. I just put the baby in her arms and left the room to take my first shower in 3 days and they figured out the number for Papa John's.
People just don't think sometimes OP. Get yourself the Instacart app and only rely on yourself.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2017 16:09     Subject: Nobody brought us food
I had one person bring food with each kid. We just orderedout the first few weeks.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2017 16:06     Subject: Nobody brought us food
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I never bring food to anyone anymore because so many people have allergies, are GF, dairy-free, vegetarian/ vegan, can't tolerate spices, or have other food preferences, that I can't be bothered. And honestly if someone brought me a casserole I probably wouldn't eat it because many people are not very good cooks. I'd just rather order out.


This.


Agreed.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2017 16:06     Subject: Nobody brought us food
Anonymous wrote:I never bring food to anyone anymore because so many people have allergies, are GF, dairy-free, vegetarian/ vegan, can't tolerate spices, or have other food preferences, that I can't be bothered. And honestly if someone brought me a casserole I probably wouldn't eat it because many people are not very good cooks. I'd just rather order out.


+1 Although, I might have eaten some of that food.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2017 16:04     Subject: Nobody brought us food
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't know this was expected so maybe it's not as common of an assumption as you think. That said, thinking of my close friends and family who would be the first people to visit, I wouldn't hesitate to say "Hey if you're coming by, can you pick up some food? I'll give you some money when you get here." Key word being "close". Or take up the offer from those friends/family who say "Let me know if there's anything I can do to help." You can't just expect people to help if you don't ask.


This.

I was going to ask if there's something about having a baby that makes you want to be martyr and victim, but obviously not everyone feels that way.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2017 16:03     Subject: Nobody brought us food
Anonymous wrote:I never bring food to anyone anymore because so many people have allergies, are GF, dairy-free, vegetarian/ vegan, can't tolerate spices, or have other food preferences, that I can't be bothered. And honestly if someone brought me a casserole I probably wouldn't eat it because many people are not very good cooks. I'd just rather order out.


This.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2017 16:02     Subject: Nobody brought us food
People came over and actually ATE our food.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2017 16:00     Subject: Nobody brought us food
I never bring food to anyone anymore because so many people have allergies, are GF, dairy-free, vegetarian/ vegan, can't tolerate spices, or have other food preferences, that I can't be bothered. And honestly if someone brought me a casserole I probably wouldn't eat it because many people are not very good cooks. I'd just rather order out.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2017 15:59     Subject: Nobody brought us food
I wouldn't know this was expected so maybe it's not as common of an assumption as you think. That said, thinking of my close friends and family who would be the first people to visit, I wouldn't hesitate to say "Hey if you're coming by, can you pick up some food? I'll give you some money when you get here." Key word being "close". Or take up the offer from those friends/family who say "Let me know if there's anything I can do to help." You can't just expect people to help if you don't ask.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2017 15:57     Subject: Nobody brought us food
https://www.dominos.com/en/
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2017 15:57     Subject: Nobody brought us food
It is rude. It is good manners to make or offer to pick up food for the parents of a new baby.

I would stop hosting people. Get your sleep. Tell people you are not in a position to host at the moment.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2017 15:53     Subject: Nobody brought us food
I don't bring food to people that have talked judgmentally about others food choices in the past.

So the super healthy family that looks down their nose at people who have let their kids eat McDonalds, or the family that goes on about the evils of juice etc.

Or families that have 'no gift' policies.

If I think you are a laid back family who is just going to enjoy whatever I bring, then great. If I think you are likely making snarky comments about me or if you give off a vibe that nothing is good enough for you, then nope!
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2017 15:53     Subject: Re:Nobody brought us food
Anonymous wrote:What do you mean your "DH figured out pizza"? I mean how hard is it to say "Hey, I'm going to order pizza for dinner guys. Who's staying and what toppings do you want?" There's not much to figure out.

Also, why would you have relied on other people? Before our first was born, I made six quarts of different types of soups and froze them. DH made a couple of pans of dinners that we like (stuffed mushrooms, eggplant parm) and froze them. We stocked up on small snacks (almonds) for me to eat while nursing. We figured out where we'd order groceries from. Anything people brought was a bonus, not what we were relying on.


This makes a lot of sense. I don't get why new there's an expectation for others to feed you, unless your mom is visiting or something.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2017 15:51     Subject: Re:Nobody brought us food
Anonymous wrote:What do you mean your "DH figured out pizza"? I mean how hard is it to say "Hey, I'm going to order pizza for dinner guys. Who's staying and what toppings do you want?" There's not much to figure out.

Also, why would you have relied on other people? Before our first was born, I made six quarts of different types of soups and froze them. DH made a couple of pans of dinners that we like (stuffed mushrooms, eggplant parm) and froze them. We stocked up on small snacks (almonds) for me to eat while nursing. We figured out where we'd order groceries from. Anything people brought was a bonus, not what we were relying on.


Don't be a jerk. She didn't say she's relying on other people, she said that they didn't bring food. Showing up empty handed is gauche, and imposing on new parents for food is another layer of thoughtless. I'm sure OP knows how to make food for herself without your helpful list of freezer meals, she just wanted to vent.