Anonymous
Post 09/20/2017 15:04     Subject: Spanking?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you hit anyone else that you were frustrated with and upset with, you would be charged with assault. There is too much research out there showing that spanking has negative side effects. And there is plenty of research on positive discipline techniques that don't involve hitting someone less than half of your body weight. Time out is not working for you so pick up some parenting books and read them and find a new technique.



I was spanked as a child and it taught me that hitting was an appropriate response to anger. I got into many fistfights in middle school. I usually came out on top because, from all those spankings I got from a person much larger than me, I learned how to take hits. Do you want this for your kid?


Are you a man or woman? What kind of spanking are you talking about here?[/quote


I am a woman. Most of the time, it was a swat of the hand on my butt. A couple times a wooden spoon was used. I would guess I got spanked between 10-20 times. I remember feeling humiliated and suppressing anger and hurt. By the time I reached middle school, I was too big for spankings and no punishment was worse, ime. If there was a problem at school, I went straight to fighting.
When I was pregnant with my child, I couldn't believe my parents would have hit me. I hold no grudge or anger at them. I understand that was the advice at the time. Today, most parenting experts advise against it. At least I hope they do.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2017 15:03     Subject: Spanking?
Why would you use violence on a defenseless child? It is horrible to even think about. I understand that many parents do it because they lack resources and don't know any better, but for an educated parent to do this is pretty inexcusable.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2017 15:01     Subject: Spanking?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For some kids, it works. I spanked my son who has no impulse control at all from 4-5 because he needed an immediate consequence to stop him from dangerous/risky behaviors and his cognitive skills were not yet at the place where he understood much else - as he gets older, I have stopped - he gets the no TV now, etc. I have never spanked my daughter.


What was involved for a spanking? Just a quick swat, or more? Was it often?


One hard-ish spank. Maybe once a week. Only when I absolutely had to stop him from doing something. He would not respond to verbal instructions, or being removed, or having things taken away, or.... anything.


And you would just swat right then and there in the moment?


Yep. Honestly - I hated doing it. Nothing else worked and he was/is an incredibly, incredibly defiant, impulsive, hard to control kid. We tried Kadzin, we tried 1,2, 3 magic - he was not there cognitively, as in, not able to focus/process it. He is now, at 5.5.


I was really just wondering what others would do. When DH does it, it's a more involved process, but not as frequent.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2017 15:00     Subject: Spanking?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For some kids, it works. I spanked my son who has no impulse control at all from 4-5 because he needed an immediate consequence to stop him from dangerous/risky behaviors and his cognitive skills were not yet at the place where he understood much else - as he gets older, I have stopped - he gets the no TV now, etc. I have never spanked my daughter.


What was involved for a spanking? Just a quick swat, or more? Was it often?


One hard-ish spank. Maybe once a week. Only when I absolutely had to stop him from doing something. He would not respond to verbal instructions, or being removed, or having things taken away, or.... anything.


And you would just swat right then and there in the moment?


Yep. Honestly - I hated doing it. Nothing else worked and he was/is an incredibly, incredibly defiant, impulsive, hard to control kid. We tried Kadzin, we tried 1,2, 3 magic - he was not there cognitively, as in, not able to focus/process it. He is now, at 5.5.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2017 14:57     Subject: Spanking?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For some kids, it works. I spanked my son who has no impulse control at all from 4-5 because he needed an immediate consequence to stop him from dangerous/risky behaviors and his cognitive skills were not yet at the place where he understood much else - as he gets older, I have stopped - he gets the no TV now, etc. I have never spanked my daughter.


What was involved for a spanking? Just a quick swat, or more? Was it often?


One hard-ish spank. Maybe once a week. Only when I absolutely had to stop him from doing something. He would not respond to verbal instructions, or being removed, or having things taken away, or.... anything.


And you would just swat right then and there in the moment?
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2017 14:56     Subject: Spanking?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For some kids, it works. I spanked my son who has no impulse control at all from 4-5 because he needed an immediate consequence to stop him from dangerous/risky behaviors and his cognitive skills were not yet at the place where he understood much else - as he gets older, I have stopped - he gets the no TV now, etc. I have never spanked my daughter.


What was involved for a spanking? Just a quick swat, or more? Was it often?


One hard-ish spank. Maybe once a week. Only when I absolutely had to stop him from doing something. He would not respond to verbal instructions, or being removed, or having things taken away, or.... anything.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2017 14:55     Subject: Re:Spanking?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you swatting him where he does not really feel it but it get his attention.

Or are you hitting hard so it hurts to deter him from doing X again?


When DH does it, it's meant to hurt a little bit. He goes through the whole process.


Wait. He means to hurt your cold and you're okay with this?! That's completely different than grabbing an arm or a quick pat on the rear of your child is running into traffic or equally dangerous. But a ritual designed to hurt is so very, very wrong and cruel.

If you wouldn't do that to a pet, why a child?


It's a punishment. It's not done in anger.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2017 14:54     Subject: Spanking?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There is a study that studied the effects of spanking for FIVE DECADES. It's harmful and you should not do it.

https://news.utexas.edu/2016/04/25/risks-of-harm-from-spanking-confirmed-by-researchers


Those don't control for the types of kids, the context in which it takes place, the type of home, socioeconomic background, etc. They control for nothing. That's not science.


This is called a longitudinal study. If you understood science, you would understand that.


I understand science. It's non-controlled.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2017 14:53     Subject: Spanking?
Anonymous wrote:For some kids, it works. I spanked my son who has no impulse control at all from 4-5 because he needed an immediate consequence to stop him from dangerous/risky behaviors and his cognitive skills were not yet at the place where he understood much else - as he gets older, I have stopped - he gets the no TV now, etc. I have never spanked my daughter.


What was involved for a spanking? Just a quick swat, or more? Was it often?
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2017 14:53     Subject: Re:Spanking?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you swatting him where he does not really feel it but it get his attention.

Or are you hitting hard so it hurts to deter him from doing X again?


When DH does it, it's meant to hurt a little bit. He goes through the whole process.


Wait. He means to hurt your cold and you're okay with this?! That's completely different than grabbing an arm or a quick pat on the rear of your child is running into traffic or equally dangerous. But a ritual designed to hurt is so very, very wrong and cruel.

If you wouldn't do that to a pet, why a child?
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2017 14:53     Subject: Spanking?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There is a study that studied the effects of spanking for FIVE DECADES. It's harmful and you should not do it.

https://news.utexas.edu/2016/04/25/risks-of-harm-from-spanking-confirmed-by-researchers


Those don't control for the types of kids, the context in which it takes place, the type of home, socioeconomic background, etc. They control for nothing. That's not science.


This is called a longitudinal study. If you understood science, you would understand that.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2017 14:53     Subject: Spanking?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you hit anyone else that you were frustrated with and upset with, you would be charged with assault. There is too much research out there showing that spanking has negative side effects. And there is plenty of research on positive discipline techniques that don't involve hitting someone less than half of your body weight. Time out is not working for you so pick up some parenting books and read them and find a new technique.



I was spanked as a child and it taught me that hitting was an appropriate response to anger. I got into many fistfights in middle school. I usually came out on top because, from all those spankings I got from a person much larger than me, I learned how to take hits. Do you want this for your kid?


Are you a man or woman? What kind of spanking are you talking about here?
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2017 14:52     Subject: Re:Spanking?
I wasn't spanked as a child and neither was my DH. It's not part of our... culture is the wrong word, I think, but it's out of the question. A foreign concept. Not on our menu or radar. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not outraged or knee-jerk opposed to it like many people who do not and will not spank their children. Rather, it's as out of our concept of parenting the same way we don't have a bris or pierce ears or shave a child's head, which are all culturally practiced by some.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2017 14:51     Subject: Spanking?
For some kids, it works. I spanked my son who has no impulse control at all from 4-5 because he needed an immediate consequence to stop him from dangerous/risky behaviors and his cognitive skills were not yet at the place where he understood much else - as he gets older, I have stopped - he gets the no TV now, etc. I have never spanked my daughter.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2017 14:51     Subject: Spanking?
Anonymous wrote:If you hit anyone else that you were frustrated with and upset with, you would be charged with assault. There is too much research out there showing that spanking has negative side effects. And there is plenty of research on positive discipline techniques that don't involve hitting someone less than half of your body weight. Time out is not working for you so pick up some parenting books and read them and find a new technique.



I was spanked as a child and it taught me that hitting was an appropriate response to anger. I got into many fistfights in middle school. I usually came out on top because, from all those spankings I got from a person much larger than me, I learned how to take hits. Do you want this for your kid?