Anonymous wrote:My friend's dc has DS but loves soccer. There is a clique of parents in his neighborhood who put together rec teams for their area league of all kids from his neighborhood school and in many years, there has not been one free space for him on those teams with kids from his own school. Although other kids have come and gone. He always gets assigned to teams that practice in other neighborhoods with kids from other schools.

People are assholes. I don't know how some of them look themselves in the mirror in the morning.

(Oh, and the rec league rules allow an extra player on the field for his team when he plays, so its not about winning.)

My typical kid was cut from the neighborhood team this season. It was very hurtful, especially the first time he ran into his old team on the field at practice, and the first game the teams played one another this eason.

The coaches are the same and it is a team he has played with several seasons. All of the kids in our neighborhood are on this team except for one other kid.

It is really, really hurtful. The coach has always acted like he enjoyed having my kid on his team, so we are not sure what is at play. The first time he saw the team and realized all his friends and our whole neighborhood that plays this sport are on the team except for him, he cried all the way home and asked me why his coaches don't like him anymore. It is a draft team so he knows the coaches pick the team.

My kid has lots of friends and it was very painful when this happened. I imagine it must be much worse when your kid has special needs and that is the reason why.

I think the leagues hold some responsibility with this. If they have 14 kids from one school/neighborhood, and the teams are 12 max, then the league needs to hold firm that the neighborhood kids are split 50/50 or no more than 40/60 so that no one or two kids feel like they are no longer wanted by their school mates or coaches. That is a cruel thing to do to kids.

OP, I am sorry you are going through this. Coaches, especially rec league coaches or developmental teams need to remember that sportsmanship lessons are about more than just winning.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, I thought we were the only one this happened to. I'm sorry others experience this. One parent/coach, created a new travel team and invited nearly all the players from my DS's division. We found out after we registered for the next season and never got notified of what team my DS was assigned to. They also refused to return our calls/emails. I eventually sent an email to the Treasurer demanding a refund. DH found a league that had a spot and so DS was able to play. That was 2 years ago.

That 'travel team' (which doesn't actually travel) is now calling itself the 'feeder team' to our local high school and they've got a banner hanging on the high school fence. When I emailed the team to inquire about try outs, I was told tryouts were by invitation only. I sent an email to the high school inquiring about it. DS, understandably, feels like he's been shut out even before he had a chance.

I admire your spirit, mom. I can't believe they told you tryouts were invitation only. For a high school team? Is that legal? Your DS is lucky to have you. I've almost given up on trying to find a place for DS, who is younger, after experiencing something similar, including the not getting calls or emails returned. I can't believe I am saying this but it's a brutal world out there for kids' rec sports these days.

You should call the H.S. and let them know. They should not be allowing this team to advertise on the high school fence, nor to call themselves a feeder for the H.S. team if they are exclusionary. Someone from the H.S. should call the team coach and tell them to knock it off.

Anonymous wrote:I coach a soccer team and just reached out to a mom of a boy who is friends with some of the kids on the team. I don't know if he has a diagnosis, but he is physically awkward, inattentive and doesn't generally do sports, and I had hesitated in mentioning to his mom that we have a spot on the team because some of the other parents are super focused on winning, and put pressure on me. But this thread got me feeling bad about that and prompted me to reach out to her so she can see if he's interested. So thank you for sharing your perspectives.

Np here - that's awesome. Thank you!!! It isn't all about winning - it is about being inclusive too. They can focus on winning when they are on travel teams, high school teams, etc. not on rec teams.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SN child played Little League baseball for a couple of years, enjoyed it, had fun, and wasn't bad at it, but when he aged out of the league and needed to move up to the next level, we were told that he needed to stay at the lower level - despite the fact that he was too old and all of his former teammates were moving up. Team selection was held, but he was never called back and we had to inquire about what happened. That's when we learned he wouldn't be moving up. It really soured my opinion of team sports after that.

This is what happens around here in 3rd or 4th grade as kids split off into more advanced teams and they have more of a choice on whether to take the special needs kids along. We are also at this point and it is horrible and difficult to explain to any child. I feel for all the other parents and kids who have or will go through this experience.

It's the evasiveness and the fact that no one had the guts to say anything to us directly, but we had to call and inquire. It's too bad that kids in 3rd or 4th grade have to learn that, for many adults, it's not about the fun of baseball but all about winning and losing.

I coach a soccer team and just reached out to a mom of a boy who is friends with some of the kids on the team. I don't know if he has a diagnosis, but he is physically awkward, inattentive and doesn't generally do sports, and I had hesitated in mentioning to his mom that we have a spot on the team because some of the other parents are super focused on winning, and put pressure on me. But this thread got me feeling bad about that and prompted me to reach out to her so she can see if he's interested. So thank you for sharing your perspectives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are city/county or YMCA-sponsored teams any better in this regard?

They should be, but some of this comes down to the parent coaches. I know a dad who was hand picking a rec team in 1st grade, which was just...mind boggling.

I think YMCA soccer has parent coaches.

It probably varies by area.

However, the YMCAs get government funding (child care subsidies and the like) and thus should be more responsive to complaints about discrimination.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, I thought we were the only one this happened to. I'm sorry others experience this. One parent/coach, created a new travel team and invited nearly all the players from my DS's division. We found out after we registered for the next season and never got notified of what team my DS was assigned to. They also refused to return our calls/emails. I eventually sent an email to the Treasurer demanding a refund. DH found a league that had a spot and so DS was able to play. That was 2 years ago.

That 'travel team' (which doesn't actually travel) is now calling itself the 'feeder team' to our local high school and they've got a banner hanging on the high school fence. When I emailed the team to inquire about try outs, I was told tryouts were by invitation only. I sent an email to the high school inquiring about it. DS, understandably, feels like he's been shut out even before he had a chance.

I admire your spirit, mom. I can't believe they told you tryouts were invitation only. For a high school team? Is that legal? Your DS is lucky to have you. I've almost given up on trying to find a place for DS, who is younger, after experiencing something similar, including the not getting calls or emails returned. I can't believe I am saying this but it's a brutal world out there for kids' rec sports these days.

I'm confused by this too. Tryouts for any high school team may not be by invitation only, and certainly are not limited to members of any one team. Don't ask another team about this. Call the high school and ask who is in charge of the soccer program. (Was it soccer?)

Anonymous wrote:My SN child played Little League baseball for a couple of years, enjoyed it, had fun, and wasn't bad at it, but when he aged out of the league and needed to move up to the next level, we were told that he needed to stay at the lower level - despite the fact that he was too old and all of his former teammates were moving up. Team selection was held, but he was never called back and we had to inquire about what happened. That's when we learned he wouldn't be moving up. It really soured my opinion of team sports after that.

This is what happens around here in 3rd or 4th grade as kids split off into more advanced teams and they have more of a choice on whether to take the special needs kids along. We are also at this point and it is horrible and difficult to explain to any child. I feel for all the other parents and kids who have or will go through this experience.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are city/county or YMCA-sponsored teams any better in this regard?

They should be, but some of this comes down to the parent coaches. I know a dad who was hand picking a rec team in 1st grade, which was just...mind boggling.

I think YMCA soccer has parent coaches.

My SN child played Little League baseball for a couple of years, enjoyed it, had fun, and wasn't bad at it, but when he aged out of the league and needed to move up to the next level, we were told that he needed to stay at the lower level - despite the fact that he was too old and all of his former teammates were moving up. Team selection was held, but he was never called back and we had to inquire about what happened. That's when we learned he wouldn't be moving up. It really soured my opinion of team sports after that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are city/county or YMCA-sponsored teams any better in this regard?

They should be, but some of this comes down to the parent coaches. I know a dad who was hand picking a rec team in 1st grade, which was just...mind boggling.

At the YMCA we joined, all coaches were staff of the YMCA so they really can't exclude.

We live in DC, and the Department of Rec center teams are also coached by paid employees, not volunteers.

Anonymous wrote:Are city/county or YMCA-sponsored teams any better in this regard?

They should be, but some of this comes down to the parent coaches. I know a dad who was hand picking a rec team in 1st grade, which was just...mind boggling.

My NT child participated in a YMCA team sport a few years ago and I remember one child who I believe had special needs. He struggled to keep up and was quirkier than the other kids, but he was very much a valued member of the team. DC had a very strict coach that year and the coach was as tough on him as everyone else.

I remember thinking the approach worked well for this particular child, who really progressed during the season.

Are city/county or YMCA-sponsored teams any better in this regard?

Anonymous wrote:Good god, I thought we were the only one this happened to. I'm sorry others experience this. One parent/coach, created a new travel team and invited nearly all the players from my DS's division. We found out after we registered for the next season and never got notified of what team my DS was assigned to. They also refused to return our calls/emails. I eventually sent an email to the Treasurer demanding a refund. DH found a league that had a spot and so DS was able to play. That was 2 years ago.

That 'travel team' (which doesn't actually travel) is now calling itself the 'feeder team' to our local high school and they've got a banner hanging on the high school fence. When I emailed the team to inquire about try outs, I was told tryouts were by invitation only. I sent an email to the high school inquiring about it. DS, understandably, feels like he's been shut out even before he had a chance.

I admire your spirit, mom. I can't believe they told you tryouts were invitation only. For a high school team? Is that legal? Your DS is lucky to have you. I've almost given up on trying to find a place for DS, who is younger, after experiencing something similar, including the not getting calls or emails returned. I can't believe I am saying this but it's a brutal world out there for kids' rec sports these days.