Anonymous
09/20/2017 21:28
Subject: Re:Awkward friendship rant
"I'm so bummed I can't, please ask me again soon!!!
Please no one do this. The worst offense is insincerity.
Anonymous
09/20/2017 21:22
Subject: Re:Awkward friendship rant
You sound antisocial. Nothing wrong with her trying to form a friendship with you. You're the awkward one.
Anonymous
09/20/2017 14:26
Subject: Awkward friendship rant
Anonymous wrote:So I am a new mom in a new city and trying to make friends.
One of my neighbors is also a new mom and we started taking walks in the morning to get coffee. This is great, I like this. She's a bit awkward but the walking and having the kids kind of smooths everything out.
She clearly wants to take our relationship to the next level and is inviting us over to hang out in the afternoon and without kids entirely.
I wouldn't be completely opposed to this but i feel like she will not leave me alone. She texts me everyday trying to fit into my schedule. I have been kind of unexpectedly tied up with family a lot so have had legitimate excuses but the fact that I am constantly having to fend her off is stressing me out. I have had so many family obligations recently that honestly when I have some free time I want to sit in my sofa alone (I don't want to talk to ANYONE during naptime). It's also like every time I mention something like 'Oh larla needs a new dress ' she's like 'I have five come over and look '. Which is nice but she does it all the time and I keep saying no. And texts me all the time like we're all day texting friends all of a sudden.
I am the kind of person that can seem extroverted when out with people but is actually pretty introverted. I feel like in this burgeoning friendship period I have to step up but blah.
I think she's coming on too strong because she's lonely and wants adult friends. Is there a less hurtful way to say essentially, I like you but we're not bff yet please let this develop naturally. Also I'm an introvert who will irrationally start to resent you if you pressure me constantly.
Adult friend making us so hard :-/
Wow OP, I am much like you and a bit relieved that I am not the only one
From your post, this friend does not have healthy boundaries and does not seem socially clued in. Can you casually inquire about her to other neighbors? She could be one of those women that run very hot and cold, not great friend material.
Anonymous
09/20/2017 10:30
Subject: Awkward friendship rant
I never feel the need to reply to texts immediately.
You can let hours, or days, go by
Anonymous
09/20/2017 10:20
Subject: Re:Awkward friendship rant
Anonymous wrote:Watch Catastrophe. Season 2.
Anonymous
09/20/2017 10:00
Subject: Awkward friendship rant
Op, counter this with you initiating, but only if you want to. Initiate with a specific plan, on a specific date, time and specific activity (no revisions) Put it on the calendar, on your rend consider it a very firm commitment, but then ignore her other requests. OR keep the arrangement as-is, the walks only. Probably the simpler solution. All relationships are worthwhile when you hit the right rhythm. Your friend has not learned this yet. Unfortunate, but don't fault her for it. It's a very common mistake.
Op, I would do this - - initiate. Initiate with a specific plan, a date, time and activity to do in the future.
Op, I would do this - - initiate. Initiate with a specific plan, a date, time and activity to do in the future.
Anonymous
09/20/2017 08:54
Subject: Awkward friendship rant
Anonymous wrote:Just tell her you need a lot of alone time to recharge. Why do women play these games? Just be honest FFS.
But instead of telling her you need alone time, you judge her. Maybe she's an extrovert. Maybe she's not used to being a sahm and doesn't like all b of the alone time.
I'm an introvert, but I think a lot of introverts come off as b*t chy snobs because they aren't able to communicate. I'm honest with people about needing a lot of time alone and only being able to handle so many social events in a given time. And people either understand and adapt or move on. There is no breaking up or accusations of being needy.
Grow up.
When you're initiating a relationship it's difficult to be honest about something like 'I need space ' because feelings could get hurt and the whole thing scrapped.
I'm not someone who's always going around whining how I'm introverted and no one understands. And I have told her I'm like that, just not explicitly in tyre context of her behavior. I'm frustrated because when you have to say 'I need alone time' or 'I have plans ' sometimes multiple times a day it feels a little stressful.
I don't think saying she's lonely is a negative judgement. I think it's the reason she's acting like this and the reason I'm not just giving up on the whole thing. If a not lonely and somewhat frustrated person was like this I'd be mad about it.
Anonymous
09/20/2017 07:48
Subject: Awkward friendship rant
I agree with the poster who said to be honest but gentle and firm. Set clear boundaries and expectations. I had someone pursue a friendship similar to what you are describing. I learned the hard way to be careful around women like this. I probably declined half of this girls invitations and still did stuff with her the other half of the time. It was never enoigh. In my situation - the "friend" I believe felt only rejected and it made her totally irrational and intensely crazy. It took my years to untangle myself from her lies and drama. Now if I encounter women like this I run the other way.
Anonymous
09/20/2017 07:44
Subject: Awkward friendship rant
Just tell her you need a lot of alone time to recharge. Why do women play these games? Just be honest FFS.
But instead of telling her you need alone time, you judge her. Maybe she's an extrovert. Maybe she's not used to being a sahm and doesn't like all b of the alone time.
I'm an introvert, but I think a lot of introverts come off as b*t chy snobs because they aren't able to communicate. I'm honest with people about needing a lot of time alone and only being able to handle so many social events in a given time. And people either understand and adapt or move on. There is no breaking up or accusations of being needy.
Grow up.
But instead of telling her you need alone time, you judge her. Maybe she's an extrovert. Maybe she's not used to being a sahm and doesn't like all b of the alone time.
I'm an introvert, but I think a lot of introverts come off as b*t chy snobs because they aren't able to communicate. I'm honest with people about needing a lot of time alone and only being able to handle so many social events in a given time. And people either understand and adapt or move on. There is no breaking up or accusations of being needy.
Grow up.
Anonymous
09/20/2017 07:25
Subject: Awkward friendship rant
Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter if we have plans she wants to fill up the days in between. We had a walk planned today and went out to happy hour on Saturday and still got pressure on the walk to
1) come over this afternoon
2) meet at a local park tis afternoon
3) sign up for a mommy and me class that is a commitment through December
4) do Halloween together with our kids
It's just too much
on this list. you can either do #1 or #2 can't do both at the same time...
#3 is a long term commitment maybe one day a week...
#4. is one day 6 weeks away...
Maybe if you did #3 it would alleviate some of the pressure from the neighbor to want to chat/text all the time..
Also, just like an email, or a phone call a text does not mean you HAVE TO respond right away...
Anonymous
09/19/2017 21:32
Subject: Re:Awkward friendship rant
Anonymous wrote:Be more blunt about needing downtime and don't get into text conversations with her unless you really want to. I've been on the other side of a somewhat similar situation. I wasn't nearly as intense as your neighbor sounds, but acted too eager in wanting to get together with a neighborhood acquaintance as a brand new SAHM. What ended up being really hard for me was that the other mom seemed to really want to be friends and texted me quite a bit (I'm actually not much of a texter) and was always suggesting other get-togethers when she turned down invites so I didn't get the hint that she wasn't looking for a close friend. And then it hurt when she sent a mean-girl text like "can't believe you haven't realized yet that I don't like you and am trying to avoid you" and then ghosted me. So just say "no" if things are too much vs. "I'm so bummed I can't, please ask me again soon!!!" if you don't really mean it.
This is so cruel. I'm sorry this happened to You!