I handle it much more than DH does, but we go through the formality of looking at our schedules. For example, DS is coming down with a bad cold. Last night when we predicted it might keep him out today (remains to be seen...he's still sleeping) I said "Well, I could handle Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday this week but I'd need you to cover Wednesday starting at 3 and all of Friday." He said "I know I can't do Thursday so that should be fine." So if DS does end up staying home at all this week, we've already talked about who it is and it's me about 70% of the time. I'm ok with that. Does your DH help at all with this?

I was in your position before going back to work full-time a year ago. I was probably a little resentful but I also realized that this was what I'd signed up for. I had downgraded my own career in order to be the primary caregiver, allowing my partner to turbocharge his career.

When I went back to full-time, we had a big discussion about a more equitable distribution of childcare, and he agreed to step up more (it helps that he had those years of proving himself to his bosses) but I also agreed to accept outsourcing some of this stuff.

So...see if your employer or your husband's offers "sick kid" benefit where they shoulder some of the burden for a nanny for a day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He makes more moron

Red Herring.

He gets sick leave doesn't he? He should use it.

+1

My husband makes twice what I do, but our kids get sick a lot. We both have to take sick leave with the kids. I would say I tend to do more but he definitely does it regularly.

DH used to make twice as much as me. He had a flexible job and I did not at all, so he took almost all of the sick days. Then I got a new job and we made the same money, and he still had more flexibility so he continued to do most of the sick days. Now I make twice as much as DH but (finally) have flexibility and DH doesn't. I take almost all of the sick days now. DH and I support one another to minimize each other's stress, and that means letting the one with less job flexibility have fewer unplanned sick days. If you're resentful or even just worried about your job, can you talk to DH about it? He should step up if he is able to, as I would imagine it would help a lot if he could even take even just a few of the sick days.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your 5 yo sick so often? Might want to look into that. By 5 most kids are sick 1-2 times a year.

You stuck your kids in daycare for 12 hours a day since they were a newborn. Some people wait until their babies are older to do that.

and this is what happens, they get behind in school because you've been sheltering them from life...

NP. Kindergarteners do not "get behind in school". Don't be absurd. I was much more comfortable with my five year old getting sick than my newborn getting sick. Five year old bodies fight off illnesses that hospitalize babies. Five year olds don't have to nurse through a stuffy nose. Five year olds can communicate pain. There is no comparison. You do you. But there is is no way I would put an infant or toddler in any kind of daycare. I'll go ahead and "shelter my kids from life" while they are babies.

You sound like you suffer from severe anxiety. You might want to seek assistance with that.

That doesn't sound fair at all OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your 5 yo sick so often? Might want to look into that. By 5 most kids are sick 1-2 times a year.

You stuck your kids in daycare for 12 hours a day since they were a newborn. Some people wait until their babies are older to do that.

and this is what happens, they get behind in school because you've been sheltering them from life...

NP. Kindergarteners do not "get behind in school". Don't be absurd. I was much more comfortable with my five year old getting sick than my newborn getting sick. Five year old bodies fight off illnesses that hospitalize babies. Five year olds don't have to nurse through a stuffy nose. Five year olds can communicate pain. There is no comparison. You do you. But there is is no way I would put an infant or toddler in any kind of daycare. I'll go ahead and "shelter my kids from life" while they are babies.

Anonymous wrote:My husband makes a lot more money than I do (I scaled back when we had kids) and so whenever our kid is sick (which is a lot - she is 5) I am the default parent to call into work. Does this seem fair? I'm afraid my boss will lose patience with me.

who cares if he makes mroe money..... when he calls in sick, the paycheck doesn't change...

the fact that you are the calling in sick all time is not a good thing. I manage 20 FTE. and let me tell you attendance, specifically unscheduled leave, is huge for me when it comes time to do employee reviews.

Yes I get it, that some people just are not as healthy in life and have to use more sick leave.

But two employee one who uses all of their sick days each Year, VS one who does not. the one who does not will always get the nod for a promotion, or a raise.

you gotta be able to rotate this duty around .

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your 5 yo sick so often? Might want to look into that. By 5 most kids are sick 1-2 times a year.

You stuck your kids in daycare for 12 hours a day since they were a newborn. Some people wait until their babies are older to do that.

and this is what happens, they get behind in school because you've been sheltering them from life...

Anonymous wrote:Why is your 5 yo sick so often? Might want to look into that. By 5 most kids are sick 1-2 times a year.

This is totally normal esp if the child had a nanny/wasn't in daycare, or a new school/group of kids which I gather a 5 year old likely is. My kids had that year or two when they were sick all the time when they were young. that's why I am very pro-daycare -- build up the immune system before they start school and it matters more!

Anonymous wrote:Why is your 5 yo sick so often? Might want to look into that. By 5 most kids are sick 1-2 times a year.

You stuck your kids in daycare for 12 hours a day since they were a newborn. Some people wait until their babies are older to do that.

I am in your situation and frankly I think it is fair. I scaled back and took the lower paying job so that there would be someone to cover this stuff and DH could focus on his high-paying, prestigious job. I make less and expect more flexibility from my work as a result.

If your job is not flexible and you are still making less than your peers, find a different job that is more understanding. I could be making many multiples of what I do -- I am good at my job and get my stuff done -- I expect to be able to flex time given the salary I am paid. My boss understands that choice too and never gives me a hard time about sick days/travel/etc. He gets it, he has 4 kids.

The only time my DH stays home with them on a sick day is when I can't -- my few work trips per year, or that one time when three of us, including me, were puking and I just couldn't deal....

Anonymous wrote:Why is your 5 yo sick so often? Might want to look into that. By 5 most kids are sick 1-2 times a year.

My kid was sick all the time in K. Much less now in 3rd grade. Not uncommon at all.

Anonymous wrote:
Why didn't you discuss these issues BEFORE your wedding?

Unless you have a time machine you're willing to loan the OP, this comment is not helpful.

Why is your 5 yo sick so often? Might want to look into that. By 5 most kids are sick 1-2 times a year.