Anonymous
Post 09/20/2017 08:52     Subject: Kids called DS a weirdo
Sorry to hear that it happened to you, OP. If my kid did anything like that, I'd very much appreciate that you told me about it so I can make a lesson out of it. I understand some parents are sensitive and protective of their little do-no-wrong angels, so the best way would probably be to introduce yourselves to the families and let them get to know you and your child.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2017 06:00     Subject: Kids called DS a weirdo
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You already DID say something. You want to beat the horse?


Who are you?

Yes, OP you did the right thing at the time. Yes, these kids will probably keep saying mean comments to your kid and others.

I doubt if saying anything to the parents will change the snotty behavior. Doesn't make the kids bad and they're not necessarily copying their parents, but there's zero reason for them to care or change their behavior.


I disagree. I don't know how old these kids are but they may just not yet get it. A few years ago when I was picking up my younger son from preschool I saw two 4th grade boys mock a 2nd grader behind his back. I knew the 2nd grader had autism, and he was talking to himself and waving his fingers in front of his face. The older boys were whispering "Psycho!" and laughing. One of them was the son of my son's preschool teacher. I told her exactly what I saw and also that I thought the boys were making fun of something they didn't understand not realizing the boy was disabled. I am 100% sure she had a behavior-changing talk with her son that night. I also got to know the older boy years later when he became my older son's friend. Really, really nice kid. I cannot imagine this older and wiser version of him mocking a person with disabilities.

So, nice kids say dumb things. And nice kids will try to do better the next time if told. If there is a way for you to say something to the parents without any of the kids present I would try that, and also try presenting it in a benefit of a doubt way "He called my son weirdo and it bothered me because my son has autism. Perhaps your son doesn't know that and has questions about why my son seems different sometimes." Or whatever.


So glad that you intervened here and it went well! These kids will age and hopefully it sticks.

I was walking into Giant one afternoon last year, the one near WJ. Two male sporty-dressed (not team uniforms) high school kids were walking toward the entrance. They were following and mocking the way another student (with a huge backpack and not dressed in athletic wear) was walking. They were really exaggerating the other student's gait, and making not-so-funny facial expressions and sounds. Fortunately, the first student did not notice. I caught their eye and gave them a disapproving look and head shake (surely mocked later). It really bummed me out. DS may attend WJ some day; some will be mean for sure.



Wow, you really stepped up.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2017 01:08     Subject: Re:Kids called DS a weirdo
I would also want to know if my child acted that way. It will be an awkward conversation for sure with the parents, but I would hope most parents would want to know and then talk to their child.
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2017 18:58     Subject: Kids called DS a weirdo
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You already DID say something. You want to beat the horse?


Who are you?

Yes, OP you did the right thing at the time. Yes, these kids will probably keep saying mean comments to your kid and others.

I doubt if saying anything to the parents will change the snotty behavior. Doesn't make the kids bad and they're not necessarily copying their parents, but there's zero reason for them to care or change their behavior.


I don't know. If it was my kid, I'd sure as hell want to know he was being a jerk. We would talk to him for sure about this. Sorry OP.
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2017 14:56     Subject: Kids called DS a weirdo
I'd be mortified if it were my kid doing the teasing (and I hope to G-d it wouldn't be) but I would also appreciate being told.
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2017 14:54     Subject: Kids called DS a weirdo
I would want you to mention it to me if it were my kid. I'd like the opportunity to have a conversation with him about it and try to correct the behavior. Peers are so influential at that age, and parents can't effectively provide guidance if they don't know what's happening.
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2017 14:49     Subject: Kids called DS a weirdo
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You already DID say something. You want to beat the horse?


Who are you?

Yes, OP you did the right thing at the time. Yes, these kids will probably keep saying mean comments to your kid and others.

I doubt if saying anything to the parents will change the snotty behavior. Doesn't make the kids bad and they're not necessarily copying their parents, but there's zero reason for them to care or change their behavior.


I disagree. I don't know how old these kids are but they may just not yet get it. A few years ago when I was picking up my younger son from preschool I saw two 4th grade boys mock a 2nd grader behind his back. I knew the 2nd grader had autism, and he was talking to himself and waving his fingers in front of his face. The older boys were whispering "Psycho!" and laughing. One of them was the son of my son's preschool teacher. I told her exactly what I saw and also that I thought the boys were making fun of something they didn't understand not realizing the boy was disabled. I am 100% sure she had a behavior-changing talk with her son that night. I also got to know the older boy years later when he became my older son's friend. Really, really nice kid. I cannot imagine this older and wiser version of him mocking a person with disabilities.

So, nice kids say dumb things. And nice kids will try to do better the next time if told. If there is a way for you to say something to the parents without any of the kids present I would try that, and also try presenting it in a benefit of a doubt way "He called my son weirdo and it bothered me because my son has autism. Perhaps your son doesn't know that and has questions about why my son seems different sometimes." Or whatever.


So glad that you intervened here and it went well! These kids will age and hopefully it sticks.

I was walking into Giant one afternoon last year, the one near WJ. Two male sporty-dressed (not team uniforms) high school kids were walking toward the entrance. They were following and mocking the way another student (with a huge backpack and not dressed in athletic wear) was walking. They were really exaggerating the other student's gait, and making not-so-funny facial expressions and sounds. Fortunately, the first student did not notice. I caught their eye and gave them a disapproving look and head shake (surely mocked later). It really bummed me out. DS may attend WJ some day; some will be mean for sure.
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2017 10:35     Subject: Re:Kids called DS a weirdo
All I can say is that if my child did something like that I would want to know and would appreciate you saying something to me.

If you tell the parents and you get any kind of different reaction other than appreciative and apologetic, well then you know the parents and the kids are people to be avoided and at least you know.
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2017 10:33     Subject: Kids called DS a weirdo
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You already DID say something. You want to beat the horse?


Who are you?

Yes, OP you did the right thing at the time. Yes, these kids will probably keep saying mean comments to your kid and others.

I doubt if saying anything to the parents will change the snotty behavior. Doesn't make the kids bad and they're not necessarily copying their parents, but there's zero reason for them to care or change their behavior.


I disagree. I don't know how old these kids are but they may just not yet get it. A few years ago when I was picking up my younger son from preschool I saw two 4th grade boys mock a 2nd grader behind his back. I knew the 2nd grader had autism, and he was talking to himself and waving his fingers in front of his face. The older boys were whispering "Psycho!" and laughing. One of them was the son of my son's preschool teacher. I told her exactly what I saw and also that I thought the boys were making fun of something they didn't understand not realizing the boy was disabled. I am 100% sure she had a behavior-changing talk with her son that night. I also got to know the older boy years later when he became my older son's friend. Really, really nice kid. I cannot imagine this older and wiser version of him mocking a person with disabilities.

So, nice kids say dumb things. And nice kids will try to do better the next time if told. If there is a way for you to say something to the parents without any of the kids present I would try that, and also try presenting it in a benefit of a doubt way "He called my son weirdo and it bothered me because my son has autism. Perhaps your son doesn't know that and has questions about why my son seems different sometimes." Or whatever.


Yes, this. I would want someone to say this to me if my NT kid had acted this way. (I have a kid with ASD as well.)
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2017 10:08     Subject: Kids called DS a weirdo
Anonymous wrote:You are nicer than I am. I would have put a hex on him.


Anonymous
Post 09/19/2017 04:28     Subject: Kids called DS a weirdo
Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry this happened, OP. If this is the first time you've heard them say something, I wouldn't say anything to the parents yet. If it happens again, then I'd say something.


I would definitely say something to the parents. I'm betting this is not the first time these boys have done that. The parents need to know.
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2017 00:54     Subject: Kids called DS a weirdo
I am sorry OP. I would like to know if my son said something like that.
Anonymous
Post 09/18/2017 22:55     Subject: Re:Kids called DS a weirdo
Keep telling the kids.
Also, maybe make friends somehow to get the point across even more. Say hi too when they aren't acting like jackasses. Give them extra Halloween candy.

The parents would probably be mortified. At least some would. I'd get the word out to the neighborhood in general that this is happening so that more people could embrace and support your son.

We had an incident at a sporting event where my son was ridiculed by some boys who were volunteering. I was right there so if course I explained. I was disappointed that the parents near me said nothing. When I explained to the parent in charge of the event it became this big thing where the boys were yelled at by coaches and I was asked more questions and many people apologized. It's like they felt overly guilty though - I felt like the boys were learning so it was good. They were high level athletes which tells you that working at being good at a sport does not a good human being make...

The more appropriate/pleasant exposure people have with special people (i.e.: not calling them weirdos or laughing at them) the better the world will be.
Anonymous
Post 09/18/2017 22:23     Subject: Kids called DS a weirdo
I'm sorry. Kids are mean. I would be so upset if my son behaved that way and would want you to tell me but I have a child who was bullied and learned most parents really don't want to hear it.
Anonymous
Post 09/18/2017 22:19     Subject: Re:Kids called DS a weirdo
This is not a comment on OP's specific situation or the incident she describes, but my ASD 2nd grader has been called weird quite a few times and seems to embrace it. She knows she's different and accepts it. In particular, the class bully (who in fact has hit more than one child over the years, though not her) has called her weird on several occasions, but she's never been bothered by it so the bully now leaves her alone and in fact almost respects her.

FYI that I have never taught her how to respond in such situations, though hopefully I have something to do with the fact that she accepts herself, ASD and all.