Anonymous wrote:[His current environment at school is not a safe one (in my opinion) to come out. It's very Conservative and I fear some of the teachers would not be supportive. His life is very different outside of school where he has diverse groups of friends and where he always feels included. He has few friends at school now. Kids like him but he said he just feels out of place.

He needs a different school where he will feel a sense of belonging whether he is out of the closet or not.

You decide when your are are 18

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be the dissenter here. 39 y/o gay man if it matters. If your son wants to tell people let him. It is his life. And straight people they are straight because everyone assumes that you are.

I cannot imagine being out at 11, but it is a different world then when we were kids. Letting people think you are something that you aren't isn't good for ones mental being. Being out is liberating even if it comes with some difficult
Moments.

Btw, imo it is actually a bit homophobic of you to hide his sexuality if it comes up in conversation. For example if anyone asks you if he is show interest in girls yet, you absolutely should could tell that he is showing interest in boys.

Kids and teens can still be extremely homophobic and this can lead to repercussions that go far beyond "some difficult moments." In a perfect world I'd completely agree with you, but just because it's never been easier to be an LGBT adult doesn't mean that kids always have it the same. I'd at least suggest having the kid get a feel for social environments before diving in to avoid unnecessary bullying, labeling, and social exclusion, all of which still happen in a lot of places.

Signed,
A twenty-something who was completely ostracized for being gay and is currently in therapy.

39 y/o. I waa not 11 when I came out but I was hardly an adult either. If one has a strong sense of self he will be fine. I recognize that at 11 that may be difficult but I don't know this child. One of my own kids has a very strong sense of self and it would probably not be a problem. One of the others it would very challenging. I didn't see you volunteer it in your post (although op seized in you as having experience). How old were you when you came out?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much better than all the girls...really?

I think this is a troll too. Who talks about 11 yr olds this way.

Agree. Wtf! He is 11!!!! This is all around weird. How do you know the other boy is gay? He needs to dial it way back. Get his ass some lego and call it a day

Class Act.

NO.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be the dissenter here. 39 y/o gay man if it matters. If your son wants to tell people let him. It is his life. And straight people they are straight because everyone assumes that you are.

I cannot imagine being out at 11, but it is a different world then when we were kids. Letting people think you are something that you aren't isn't good for ones mental being. Being out is liberating even if it comes with some difficult
Moments.

Btw, imo it is actually a bit homophobic of you to hide his sexuality if it comes up in conversation. For example if anyone asks you if he is show interest in girls yet, you absolutely should could tell that he is showing interest in boys.

Kids and teens can still be extremely homophobic and this can lead to repercussions that go far beyond "some difficult moments." In a perfect world I'd completely agree with you, but just because it's never been easier to be an LGBT adult doesn't mean that kids always have it the same. I'd at least suggest having the kid get a feel for social environments before diving in to avoid unnecessary bullying, labeling, and social exclusion, all of which still happen in a lot of places.

Signed,
A twenty-something who was completely ostracized for being gay and is currently in therapy.

THANK YOU so much for your response. It's so much more meaningful from someone who has a personal perspective on this. I didn't count on so much anger from people on here. I really just want to do the right thing for my son.

I want to respect my son for who he is and I really don't want him to think that not saying something means I'm ashamed of him. I just feel like an 11 year old isn't going to be in a relationship anyway right now so he should just be who you are without any declaration. Heterosexuals don't declare it. They just like who they like. He sometimes says he knows he is gay and sometimes says he's not sure he's old enough to know. I agree that just because it's "easier" than ever to be LGBT, it doesn't mean it's easy.

His current environment at school is not a safe one (in my opinion) to come out. It's very Conservative and I fear some of the teachers would not be supportive. His life is very different outside of school where he has diverse groups of friends and where he always feels included. He has few friends at school now. Kids like him but he said he just feels out of place. He's not ostracized from what I can tell. He is actually the one who pulls himself out of the group (and then tells me he is lonely).

I think sometimes when you don't know what to do, it's better just to listen more and wait. I hope my son understands this. Seeing him go through this is tough and I know it might be just the beginning of a very tough road.

Anonymous wrote:So much better than all the girls...really?

I think this is a troll too. Who talks about 11 yr olds this way.

Agree. Wtf! He is 11!!!! This is all around weird. How do you know the other boy is gay? He needs to dial it way back. Get his ass some lego and call it a day

Anonymous wrote:I'll be the dissenter here. 39 y/o gay man if it matters. If your son wants to tell people let him. It is his life. And straight people they are straight because everyone assumes that you are.

I cannot imagine being out at 11, but it is a different world then when we were kids. Letting people think you are something that you aren't isn't good for ones mental being. Being out is liberating even if it comes with some difficult
Moments.

Btw, imo it is actually a bit homophobic of you to hide his sexuality if it comes up in conversation. For example if anyone asks you if he is show interest in girls yet, you absolutely should could tell that he is showing interest in boys.

Kids and teens can still be extremely homophobic and this can lead to repercussions that go far beyond "some difficult moments." In a perfect world I'd completely agree with you, but just because it's never been easier to be an LGBT adult doesn't mean that kids always have it the same. I'd at least suggest having the kid get a feel for social environments before diving in to avoid unnecessary bullying, labeling, and social exclusion, all of which still happen in a lot of places.

Signed,
A twenty-something who was completely ostracized for being gay and is currently in therapy.

So much better than all the girls...really?

I think this is a troll too. Who talks about 11 yr olds this way.

I'll be the dissenter here. 39 y/o gay man if it matters. If your son wants to tell people let him. It is his life. And straight people they are straight because everyone assumes that you are.

I cannot imagine being out at 11, but it is a different world then when we were kids. Letting people think you are something that you aren't isn't good for ones mental being. Being out is liberating even if it comes with some difficult
Moments.

Btw, imo it is actually a bit homophobic of you to hide his sexuality if it comes up in conversation. For example if anyone asks you if he is show interest in girls yet, you absolutely should could tell that he is showing interest in boys.

I personally would say he shouldn't tell people yet. Sexuality is a complex thing. It can shift and change, and unfortunately kids are not so understanding and might stick him with a label for the rest of his school years.

He's still really young. He very well might be 100% gay, in which case he will know in time. But I think he should give himself the space to figure that out.

Anonymous wrote:He's 11. He has no idea who he is. My son told me he thought he was gay when he was 13. I told him that his sexuality was his alone and that it made no difference to me (the truth) but that I thought he was too young to start labeling himself as anything. We talked a lot about relationships and the ways in which people grow and mature. We talked about how being gay is just one part of who a person is. And of course, I reminded him that we would love and support him regardless of whom he chooses to love. He is 18 now and his only relationships have been with girls. I think he was questioning back then.

I think an 11 year old is ridiculously too young to have girlfriends or boyfriends. I'm concerned that you think it's appropriate. I wouldn't be concerned about his sexual orientation. It's concerning that you are encouraging any kind of girlfriend/boyfriends relationship.

Please tell me how I'm encouraging him to have girlfriends or boyfriends? It's fun to go after people anonymously but you clearly didn't try to understand what the problem was. You can rephrase what I said and use that to change the topic to amuse yourself but it's not constructive.
If you only knew how many times I told him that he is too young. He still wants to talk about it. All the time. And I wanted honest feedback because I'm really trying not to mess this up. Saying I don't want to talk about it also sends him the wrong message. This isn't easy so please back off if you can't help.

Tell him the truth...this is what I want you to know and this is why....please don't think x but understand y.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get him a new school. Please.

maybe it's a clever way to get out of going to catholic school?

An 11 year old could be bullied at any school for being gay or for being considered gay. It's really not an issue until he wants to start dating. In many ways I don't believe the OP is real b/c, of course, anyone would know Catholic school wouldn't be the best fit for a gay kid.

It's totally a troll. No 11 year old has a storied dating past, the "met someone" at camp things dumb (and if the kid just "met" the boy how does mom (not at camp) know the boy? Saying that he has both had girlfriends but also is at an age where "kids get teased if they talk to one another" also doesn't make sense.

I'm not a troll you idiot. It was a sports camp so they sort of knew each other through games and tournaments. They didn't become friends until camp though. They will see each other through sports throughout the year so maybe he wanted us to know exactly why he liked his new friend. I didn't know very much about the boy before camp but have met him a few times at this point. Is that OK? I tried not to go into irrelevant details but apparently, you want them. They are not in a relationship nor do I expect them to be in one. It was just the first time my son saw a boy and thought it was someone he liked in that way.

The school stinks. My son doesn't hate it but it's not ideal. We are trying to get him a better option for a few reasons but it didn't work out for this year. Our public school is not an option and another Catholic school isn't going to be better. We didn't want it this way and we will get him out of there. I just have to get through this year. He told me he was gay a few weeks ago - I haven't had a lot of time to figure it all out.

By girlfriends, I mean girls he said he liked and he joked they were his girlfriends since they were girls he liked and they hung out. Since 2nd grade, he mentioned girls he liked and wanted them to be his girlfriends. I may have made it sound like it was more than it was. I mentioned it to emphasize he seemed very interested in girls up until recently and wanted to hang out with them. Of course, he doesn't date or have a past. But he was interested in girls (or so it seemed).

My question was that despite supporting him, I don't want him to be too honest about something he doesn't need to discuss and then face bullying.
But if I tell him to be quiet, am I sending a message that there is something wrong with being gay?

And to the person who said to slow down - that is my exact message to my son. He's not going to act on these feelings now so just be a kid and then love the person you love when the time is right.
He is the one who is stressed about defining everything now and wanting to tell everyone he meets that he's gay. I think he feels really free right now.
I think he assumes everyone will be as receptive as we are at home and I know it's not the case and want to protect him (but not shame him).
Whew - I thought I was trying to get help sorting this out. For those who are kind and tried to help - thank you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get him a new school. Please.

maybe it's a clever way to get out of going to catholic school?

An 11 year old could be bullied at any school for being gay or for being considered gay. It's really not an issue until he wants to start dating. In many ways I don't believe the OP is real b/c of course anyone would know Catholic school wouldn't be the best fit for a gay kid.

While Catholic schools aren't "gay friendly", don't assume bullying based on sexual identity is tolerated. My kid never heard the term "gay" used as a slur in all her years in Catholic school. Two weeks into MCPS, she's heard it dozens of times. She was shocked and dismayed at how mean public school students are to each other in general and how openly homophobic the boys are.

It's true that Catholic schools are good with character development. I don't know if the same can be said for the Church. The last time I went to mass (2 years ago), a visiting priest went on a rant about how gay people are destroying marriage. My child kept asking why he would say those things. Public school is what it is.