Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this the best compliment you have ever received? A nanny, of all people, said this to me yesterday and I think it is absolutely the best compliment I have ever received!!! I can't believe how happy it has made me.

Am I weird or insecure or what? I have been pretty successful in my career and have my own style so I am not starving for compliments in general. Why does this mean so much to me?

I am not sure what you meant by "a nanny, of all people..." but having a nanny tell me I was a wonderful mother would mean more to me than just anyone saying it. The nanny has probably seen a lot of mothers out there and worked with a number of them.

It depends how it came about:

Scenario 1: mom is feeling down and nanny says comment.

Scenario 2: mom is organically playing with/talking kid and nanny spontaneously says it
Scenario 3: nanny tells mom she hated how her d employer was breathing down her neck all the time but how this mom trusts her and how she's a wonderful mom

Only one scenerio would really make the compliment deep.

Anonymous wrote:I frankly find that comment condescending.

I agree. And also kind of gendered. If anything, I'd rather be told I'm a good parent.

I have no idea if anyone has said that to me,because I'm certain I would have shrugged it off. I have the most stubborn kids on the face of the planet, and I always end up screaming at them. So even if I look like an all star mom at the park, I promise you, I am flawed like everyone else. Just come over when I'm late and I need 2 small people to put and keep their shoes on.

Anonymous wrote:I frankly find that comment condescending.

What kind of compliment do you NOT find condescending, PP?

I frankly find that comment condescending.

Anonymous wrote:DS used to tell me, "Mommy, you're such a good boy" LOL It tickled me.

So sweet!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an outlier because I dislike hearing that. There is no one way of being a good mother and people from the outside rarely can see/accurately whether you are a good fit for your child or not.

Yeah I guess, but I wouldn't read so much into a compliment. I interpret it as, your kid seems happy and you seem happy. Good job at seeming to like each other.

My sister has a VERY high needs child and really struggled to adjust to motherhood after idealizing it in her mind for a long time. Her experience gave me a lot of compassion for parents who are doing a ton more work than I am, but still struggling with the day to day. It's a lot harder for her to be a mother than it is for me, so I try to remember that when people pat me on the back for successfully raising my super easy kids.

Tough day (month?) and your post made me tear up. That is so kind of you. It can be so difficult for me to be a "wonderful mother" to my high needs anxious son, but I put my best foot forward every morning. I'm sure your sister appreciates you.

Anonymous wrote:I am an outlier because I dislike hearing that. There is no one way of being a good mother and people from the outside rarely can see/accurately whether you are a good fit for your child or not.

+1

It would mean more to me coming from a nanny than from pretty much anyone else.

Yes, it is the supreme compliment!

It depends on the context of the comment.

Sometimes people say things as a conversation starter (that shirt is a great color on you, where do you shop?) Or small talk.

Sometimes mundane things get big praises from others (kissing your child's stubbed toe), but those compliments are disinginuine to me bc who wouldn't kiss/comfort their hurt child?

A woman my FIL dated for about a year told me this while we were all on a beach vacation. She's no longer in the picture, but I loved her for that comment! Yes, for some reason it carries more weight for me than if someone told me I'm good at my job. Maybe it's because all your life you get feedback on your output. I got grades in school telling me whether or not I was good at school. Then got performance reviews and the occasional compliment on my job skills. But when you have kids there's no teacher or boss to tell you how you're doing. So, hearing somebody say I'm a good mom fulfills or satisfies that need for validation.

It is a great compliment. I've worked in three day cares, 2 during college and one in the last five years, not for too long. And out of all the kids and parents, I would only say it to three parents. One long ago, kid must be finishing college by now, and to a Dad and Mom I met five years ago. I am not saying there aren't many, many great parents around, but sometimes you see only the bad side when you work in a daycare, it is either morning or evening and parents are rushing or tired. I was told a similar compliment while on a plane ride to London by a woman. My DD had severe reflux, she was around 6,7 months old and we were actually going back after staying in the hospital(lived overseas). I held her on me, and rocked her pretty much the whole time. Both DH and I did similar for DD since birth as she was in so much pain. That simple comment so long ago still stays with me and I am thankful that she took the time to say it to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an outlier because I dislike hearing that. There is no one way of being a good mother and people from the outside rarely can see/accurately whether you are a good fit for your child or not.

Yeah I guess, but I wouldn't read so much into a compliment. I interpret it as, your kid seems happy and you seem happy. Good job at seeming to like each other.

My sister has a VERY high needs child and really struggled to adjust to motherhood after idealizing it in her mind for a long time. Her experience gave me a lot of compassion for parents who are doing a ton more work than I am, but still struggling with the day to day. It's a lot harder for her to be a mother than it is for me, so I try to remember that when people pat me on the back for successfully raising my super easy kids.

Yeah, my DS is a handful, which is why I was so very happy (relieved almost?) when my friend's mom complimented my parenting skills! I loved that, because she wasn't blowing smoke about my kid (he's a handful) but recognizing what it takes to parent him.

100% agree with you OP. My DH said that a few times when DS was an infant. And a friend's mom recently complimented my "parenting skills" after we stayed at her house for a week. It's like manna from heaven.

I agree that it's nice because there is so little feedback. At work, I get an annual eval, and a lot of review in between. But it feels like no one notices how hard I work to be a good mom sometimes, so it's nice when someone does!