Anonymous
09/15/2017 17:13
Subject: Close to MIL..
Moms/MIL's don't throw showers for their daughters/DIL's. It's not proper. A friend should do it, or at least a cousin.
Anonymous
09/15/2017 09:31
Subject: Close to MIL..
this is YOUR day OP. do not let your mom ruin it. You don't like her or want to be around her. You know she will ruin your shower if she throws it. She will never think you are grateful enough for all she did. Just stop. You are a mom and you need to take care of yourself. Make hard decisions and shut your mother down on this front. Your mom made her choices and this is what she gets. Anyhow, its actually not proper protocol for the mom of the the mother to be to throw a baby shower. I know people ignore that but its true.
Anonymous
09/14/2017 22:47
Subject: Re:Close to MIL..
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Pp, why are you trying to make jump on OPs post and make this thread about you? You're completely taking away OPs thread for your issue. Most of the posts are about you. Start a new thread to discuss your problem. It's selfish and rude.
If you can read, you will see that pp apologized for detailing the thread. Also, there have been far more people responding to pp than to Op.
Yes because she took over the thread. Hence my previous post.
Anonymous
09/14/2017 20:27
Subject: Re:Close to MIL..
Anonymous wrote:Pp, why are you trying to make jump on OPs post and make this thread about you? You're completely taking away OPs thread for your issue. Most of the posts are about you. Start a new thread to discuss your problem. It's selfish and rude.
If you can read, you will see that pp apologized for detailing the thread. Also, there have been far more people responding to pp than to Op.
Anonymous
09/14/2017 19:51
Subject: Re:Close to MIL..
Pp, why are you trying to make jump on OPs post and make this thread about you? You're completely taking away OPs thread for your issue. Most of the posts are about you. Start a new thread to discuss your problem. It's selfish and rude.
Anonymous
09/14/2017 19:35
Subject: Close to MIL..
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Scary. I could've written this. Is your husband an only child?
I was in a similar position. I was and am still closer to my MIL. But I have been hurt because I never set up appropriate boundaries. I also forgot that I was a inlaw. There are times when I'm reminded and it hurts.
Op here. No. He has siblings. I've never felt like disrespected by them.
Okay. So it's all boys just like my situation. Is your DH the oldest? I just ask that you protect your heart. I've projected my mother issues onto my MIL and she her lack of daughter issues on to me. We have a great relationship but it hasn't been without its issues, especially when other siblings got married and then there were more DIL's. Essentially I got relegated back to the position of "DIL"
As or not make the others upset. It showed me that I needed to protect my heart and make sure I never got my MiL and my mom confused. They are not the same.
I have a similar position as the OP and my experience has not been like yours at all and I'm 20 years into my marriage. I feel so lucky MIL had her son (my husband) at age 21, so she is still fairly young amd we have hwr with us for many more years to come.
It sounds like you might have read the realtionship wrong in the first place combined with the fact that your MIL is not a nice person.
I definitely do not confuse my MIL wirh my mom, but what i know for sure is who demonstrates their love in action best.
For OP, id just do the mimimum to placate your mom and have your real shower with your MIL and a pity party with your mom.
Pp here. I definitely didn't misread the relationship. I think MIL is a nice person but I don't think she really understood that she was creating in my mind that she looked at me as a daughter. So many examples of how she did this, way too many to illustrated. However, truly when the rubber meets the road I am her DiL. Her husband's wife. I was hurt by this and honestly still am. I have been redefining my relationship with her this past year. Surprisingly enough, I am still close with her but I will never put myself in the position I was once in. I am not the "rain on your parade type" and really hesitated to even post a warning but I figured I would share my story. Very happy to hear that others in similar situations aren't having these issue.
I obviously meant that "I definitely do think MIL understood that she was creating in my mind that I was a daughter to her and not a DIL
Again , you don't have a caring or loving MIL, you javr a manipulative one, who are the worst kind to have...totally different and unhealthy for her to reel you in and cast you out. Sad for you because that is awful, but probably not the case for the majority of people who have great relationships with their inlaws. They don't all try to mind fu%k us.
Two sides to every store. In this case, there wasn't even a whole story, just a vague warning.
Yes, I gave a very vague warning because I was hesitant to even reply with something negative. I never chime into threads with negativity. This was the exception and thankfully others in similar situations have responded to show that my situation is in the exception and not the rule when dealing with MIL's with no daughters. I'm happy that is the case.
My MIL isn't perfect but I will be the first to admit that even with all of that she treats me better than my own mom. Anywho, I completely derailed this thread. Sorry Op. Lets get back on track.,
Anonymous
09/14/2017 19:30
Subject: Close to MIL..
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Scary. I could've written this. Is your husband an only child?
I was in a similar position. I was and am still closer to my MIL. But I have been hurt because I never set up appropriate boundaries. I also forgot that I was a inlaw. There are times when I'm reminded and it hurts.
Op here. No. He has siblings. I've never felt like disrespected by them.
Okay. So it's all boys just like my situation. Is your DH the oldest? I just ask that you protect your heart. I've projected my mother issues onto my MIL and she her lack of daughter issues on to me. We have a great relationship but it hasn't been without its issues, especially when other siblings got married and then there were more DIL's. Essentially I got relegated back to the position of "DIL"
As or not make the others upset. It showed me that I needed to protect my heart and make sure I never got my MiL and my mom confused. They are not the same.
I have a similar position as the OP and my experience has not been like yours at all and I'm 20 years into my marriage. I feel so lucky MIL had her son (my husband) at age 21, so she is still fairly young amd we have hwr with us for many more years to come.
It sounds like you might have read the realtionship wrong in the first place combined with the fact that your MIL is not a nice person.
I definitely do not confuse my MIL wirh my mom, but what i know for sure is who demonstrates their love in action best.
For OP, id just do the mimimum to placate your mom and have your real shower with your MIL and a pity party with your mom.
Pp here. I definitely didn't misread the relationship. I think MIL is a nice person but I don't think she really understood that she was creating in my mind that she looked at me as a daughter. So many examples of how she did this, way too many to illustrated. However, truly when the rubber meets the road I am her DiL. Her husband's wife. I was hurt by this and honestly still am. I have been redefining my relationship with her this past year. Surprisingly enough, I am still close with her but I will never put myself in the position I was once in. I am not the "rain on your parade type" and really hesitated to even post a warning but I figured I would share my story. Very happy to hear that others in similar situations aren't having these issue.
What does that even mean? You didn't actually post anything particularly concrete, just that you got your feelings hurt because (perhaps) her sons mean more to her than you? And you're now "redefining your relationship", aka punishing her for something she may or may not have even done to you.
I think you are projecting an awful lot on the OP, who may not be in a similar situation at all.
Of course her son means more to her than I do. The whole "when the rubber meets the road" vagueness has to do with how she treats me and speaks about me to others when I'm not present, how she gives me cards and introduces me as her daughter but as soon as I do or say or think something she doesn't agree with I'm back in the DIL category. That's just a few there are many more specific examples that I don't care to share.
Anonymous
09/14/2017 18:57
Subject: Close to MIL..
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Scary. I could've written this. Is your husband an only child?
I was in a similar position. I was and am still closer to my MIL. But I have been hurt because I never set up appropriate boundaries. I also forgot that I was a inlaw. There are times when I'm reminded and it hurts.
Op here. No. He has siblings. I've never felt like disrespected by them.
Okay. So it's all boys just like my situation. Is your DH the oldest? I just ask that you protect your heart. I've projected my mother issues onto my MIL and she her lack of daughter issues on to me. We have a great relationship but it hasn't been without its issues, especially when other siblings got married and then there were more DIL's. Essentially I got relegated back to the position of "DIL"
As or not make the others upset. It showed me that I needed to protect my heart and make sure I never got my MiL and my mom confused. They are not the same.
I have a similar position as the OP and my experience has not been like yours at all and I'm 20 years into my marriage. I feel so lucky MIL had her son (my husband) at age 21, so she is still fairly young amd we have hwr with us for many more years to come.
It sounds like you might have read the realtionship wrong in the first place combined with the fact that your MIL is not a nice person.
I definitely do not confuse my MIL wirh my mom, but what i know for sure is who demonstrates their love in action best.
For OP, id just do the mimimum to placate your mom and have your real shower with your MIL and a pity party with your mom.
Pp here. I definitely didn't misread the relationship. I think MIL is a nice person but I don't think she really understood that she was creating in my mind that she looked at me as a daughter. So many examples of how she did this, way too many to illustrated. However, truly when the rubber meets the road I am her DiL. Her husband's wife. I was hurt by this and honestly still am. I have been redefining my relationship with her this past year. Surprisingly enough, I am still close with her but I will never put myself in the position I was once in. I am not the "rain on your parade type" and really hesitated to even post a warning but I figured I would share my story. Very happy to hear that others in similar situations aren't having these issue.
I obviously meant that "I definitely do think MIL understood that she was creating in my mind that I was a daughter to her and not a DIL
Again , you don't have a caring or loving MIL, you javr a manipulative one, who are the worst kind to have...totally different and unhealthy for her to reel you in and cast you out. Sad for you because that is awful, but probably not the case for the majority of people who have great relationships with their inlaws. They don't all try to mind fu%k us.
Two sides to every store. In this case, there wasn't even a whole story, just a vague warning.
Anonymous
09/14/2017 18:56
Subject: Close to MIL..
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Scary. I could've written this. Is your husband an only child?
I was in a similar position. I was and am still closer to my MIL. But I have been hurt because I never set up appropriate boundaries. I also forgot that I was a inlaw. There are times when I'm reminded and it hurts.
Op here. No. He has siblings. I've never felt like disrespected by them.
Okay. So it's all boys just like my situation. Is your DH the oldest? I just ask that you protect your heart. I've projected my mother issues onto my MIL and she her lack of daughter issues on to me. We have a great relationship but it hasn't been without its issues, especially when other siblings got married and then there were more DIL's. Essentially I got relegated back to the position of "DIL"
As or not make the others upset. It showed me that I needed to protect my heart and make sure I never got my MiL and my mom confused. They are not the same.
I have a similar position as the OP and my experience has not been like yours at all and I'm 20 years into my marriage. I feel so lucky MIL had her son (my husband) at age 21, so she is still fairly young amd we have hwr with us for many more years to come.
It sounds like you might have read the realtionship wrong in the first place combined with the fact that your MIL is not a nice person.
I definitely do not confuse my MIL wirh my mom, but what i know for sure is who demonstrates their love in action best.
For OP, id just do the mimimum to placate your mom and have your real shower with your MIL and a pity party with your mom.
Pp here. I definitely didn't misread the relationship. I think MIL is a nice person but I don't think she really understood that she was creating in my mind that she looked at me as a daughter. So many examples of how she did this, way too many to illustrated. However, truly when the rubber meets the road I am her DiL. Her husband's wife. I was hurt by this and honestly still am. I have been redefining my relationship with her this past year. Surprisingly enough, I am still close with her but I will never put myself in the position I was once in. I am not the "rain on your parade type" and really hesitated to even post a warning but I figured I would share my story. Very happy to hear that others in similar situations aren't having these issue.
What does that even mean? You didn't actually post anything particularly concrete, just that you got your feelings hurt because (perhaps) her sons mean more to her than you? And you're now "redefining your relationship", aka punishing her for something she may or may not have even done to you.
I think you are projecting an awful lot on the OP, who may not be in a similar situation at all.
Anonymous
09/14/2017 18:46
Subject: Close to MIL..
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Scary. I could've written this. Is your husband an only child?
I was in a similar position. I was and am still closer to my MIL. But I have been hurt because I never set up appropriate boundaries. I also forgot that I was a inlaw. There are times when I'm reminded and it hurts.
Op here. No. He has siblings. I've never felt like disrespected by them.
Okay. So it's all boys just like my situation. Is your DH the oldest? I just ask that you protect your heart. I've projected my mother issues onto my MIL and she her lack of daughter issues on to me. We have a great relationship but it hasn't been without its issues, especially when other siblings got married and then there were more DIL's. Essentially I got relegated back to the position of "DIL"
As or not make the others upset. It showed me that I needed to protect my heart and make sure I never got my MiL and my mom confused. They are not the same.
I have a similar position as the OP and my experience has not been like yours at all and I'm 20 years into my marriage. I feel so lucky MIL had her son (my husband) at age 21, so she is still fairly young amd we have hwr with us for many more years to come.
It sounds like you might have read the realtionship wrong in the first place combined with the fact that your MIL is not a nice person.
I definitely do not confuse my MIL wirh my mom, but what i know for sure is who demonstrates their love in action best.
For OP, id just do the mimimum to placate your mom and have your real shower with your MIL and a pity party with your mom.
Pp here. I definitely didn't misread the relationship. I think MIL is a nice person but I don't think she really understood that she was creating in my mind that she looked at me as a daughter. So many examples of how she did this, way too many to illustrated. However, truly when the rubber meets the road I am her DiL. Her husband's wife. I was hurt by this and honestly still am. I have been redefining my relationship with her this past year. Surprisingly enough, I am still close with her but I will never put myself in the position I was once in. I am not the "rain on your parade type" and really hesitated to even post a warning but I figured I would share my story. Very happy to hear that others in similar situations aren't having these issue.
I obviously meant that "I definitely do think MIL understood that she was creating in my mind that I was a daughter to her and not a DIL
Again , you don't have a caring or loving MIL, you javr a manipulative one, who are the worst kind to have...totally different and unhealthy for her to reel you in and cast you out. Sad for you because that is awful, but probably not the case for the majority of people who have great relationships with their inlaws. They don't all try to mind fu%k us.
Anonymous
09/14/2017 17:37
Subject: Close to MIL..
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Scary. I could've written this. Is your husband an only child?
I was in a similar position. I was and am still closer to my MIL. But I have been hurt because I never set up appropriate boundaries. I also forgot that I was a inlaw. There are times when I'm reminded and it hurts.
Op here. No. He has siblings. I've never felt like disrespected by them.
Okay. So it's all boys just like my situation. Is your DH the oldest? I just ask that you protect your heart. I've projected my mother issues onto my MIL and she her lack of daughter issues on to me. We have a great relationship but it hasn't been without its issues, especially when other siblings got married and then there were more DIL's. Essentially I got relegated back to the position of "DIL"
As or not make the others upset. It showed me that I needed to protect my heart and make sure I never got my MiL and my mom confused. They are not the same.
I have a similar position as the OP and my experience has not been like yours at all and I'm 20 years into my marriage. I feel so lucky MIL had her son (my husband) at age 21, so she is still fairly young amd we have hwr with us for many more years to come.
It sounds like you might have read the realtionship wrong in the first place combined with the fact that your MIL is not a nice person.
I definitely do not confuse my MIL wirh my mom, but what i know for sure is who demonstrates their love in action best.
For OP, id just do the mimimum to placate your mom and have your real shower with your MIL and a pity party with your mom.
Pp here. I definitely didn't misread the relationship. I think MIL is a nice person but I don't think she really understood that she was creating in my mind that she looked at me as a daughter. So many examples of how she did this, way too many to illustrated. However, truly when the rubber meets the road I am her DiL. Her husband's wife. I was hurt by this and honestly still am. I have been redefining my relationship with her this past year. Surprisingly enough, I am still close with her but I will never put myself in the position I was once in. I am not the "rain on your parade type" and really hesitated to even post a warning but I figured I would share my story. Very happy to hear that others in similar situations aren't having these issue.
I obviously meant that "I definitely do think MIL understood that she was creating in my mind that I was a daughter to her and not a DIL
Anonymous
09/14/2017 17:33
Subject: Close to MIL..
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Scary. I could've written this. Is your husband an only child?
I was in a similar position. I was and am still closer to my MIL. But I have been hurt because I never set up appropriate boundaries. I also forgot that I was a inlaw. There are times when I'm reminded and it hurts.
Op here. No. He has siblings. I've never felt like disrespected by them.
Okay. So it's all boys just like my situation. Is your DH the oldest? I just ask that you protect your heart. I've projected my mother issues onto my MIL and she her lack of daughter issues on to me. We have a great relationship but it hasn't been without its issues, especially when other siblings got married and then there were more DIL's. Essentially I got relegated back to the position of "DIL"
As or not make the others upset. It showed me that I needed to protect my heart and make sure I never got my MiL and my mom confused. They are not the same.
I have a similar position as the OP and my experience has not been like yours at all and I'm 20 years into my marriage. I feel so lucky MIL had her son (my husband) at age 21, so she is still fairly young amd we have hwr with us for many more years to come.
It sounds like you might have read the realtionship wrong in the first place combined with the fact that your MIL is not a nice person.
I definitely do not confuse my MIL wirh my mom, but what i know for sure is who demonstrates their love in action best.
For OP, id just do the mimimum to placate your mom and have your real shower with your MIL and a pity party with your mom.
Pp here. I definitely didn't misread the relationship. I think MIL is a nice person but I don't think she really understood that she was creating in my mind that she looked at me as a daughter. So many examples of how she did this, way too many to illustrated. However, truly when the rubber meets the road I am her DiL. Her husband's wife. I was hurt by this and honestly still am. I have been redefining my relationship with her this past year. Surprisingly enough, I am still close with her but I will never put myself in the position I was once in. I am not the "rain on your parade type" and really hesitated to even post a warning but I figured I would share my story. Very happy to hear that others in similar situations aren't having these issue.
Anonymous
09/14/2017 16:21
Subject: Close to MIL..
Have two, for sure. Especially if they are in two completely different locations.
Anonymous
09/14/2017 16:16
Subject: Close to MIL..
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Scary. I could've written this. Is your husband an only child?
I was in a similar position. I was and am still closer to my MIL. But I have been hurt because I never set up appropriate boundaries. I also forgot that I was a inlaw. There are times when I'm reminded and it hurts.
Op here. No. He has siblings. I've never felt like disrespected by them.
Okay. So it's all boys just like my situation. Is your DH the oldest? I just ask that you protect your heart. I've projected my mother issues onto my MIL and she her lack of daughter issues on to me. We have a great relationship but it hasn't been without its issues, especially when other siblings got married and then there were more DIL's. Essentially I got relegated back to the position of "DIL"
As or not make the others upset. It showed me that I needed to protect my heart and make sure I never got my MiL and my mom confused. They are not the same.
Op here. I am not trying to act as if I am a daughter to my MIL. I am happy being a DIL. His older brother had a wife but they live in another state. My MIL is close with her and I'm not jealous of it. We all get along really well.
Anonymous
09/14/2017 16:13
Subject: Close to MIL..
Anonymous wrote:What a good problem to have OP! Im jealous!
Op here. No it's not a good problem. I grew up very rough. My mom abandoned my family for my now stepdad when I was 4. We moved with her 5 years later when my abusive alcoholic father went to jail. Yes, I am close to MIL and thankful for that, but it's not that easy. My DH does not even want my mom in our lives because of her past and current behavior. I partially feel the and way, but it will create family drama that I don't want.