After reading all the replies to your post and your additional information, I am trying to figure out what your mother and you are trying to accomplish with family therapy by phone that includes you and your father. It would seem that your mother needs to work out her relationship with him in order to be free to visit her daughter and grandchildren without him if he has no interest in you or your children. It doesn't sound like she has the will or grit to do it and you certainly can't provide it for her on long-distance telephone. I would voice this to her but if you feel you must go through with the family therapy it would be best to go into it with no expectations but listen respectfully and bring conversation back to mom about what she hopes for and is going to do about the situation rather than what dad is going to do. He has already made it clear by his actions, words, etc. The question is "why is mom allowing this type of control in their relationship." My best to you as you deal with your parent's dysfunctional relationship that spills over into your life.

Anonymous wrote:op: He says I'm an angry and ungrateful daughter. I want him to understand how much I do for my family, since he recognizes only his own contributions (which, to my family, have been nil).

OP, I'm sorry your dad is who he is. I don't think you'll get satisfaction from having attend a family therapy session. He sounds like he has too much baggage of his own and doesn't want or doesn't know how to change. Hold your mom accountable for her own decisions/actions as well.

Wanting some kind of acknowledgement from him gives him the power. Take the power back. You may want him to say something but you don't NEED it. You've worked hard and have done the best for your family. (I know you know this, but it sometimes helps to get it from another person.)

You have my sympathy. My father chose to be only minimally involved in my children's lives for several years when they were very young. Now, he wants to spend time with them and be involved, but they are tweens now and want to spend free time with friends. I make an effort to include my elderly father in our activities as much as I can, but the years he could have visited more but chose not to can't be recovered.