Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I care that she's attractive, thin, and well liked. That's different than popular, but I've known too many ugly fat people who were popular. No thanks

Nice try, Trolly McTrollerson

I hope this is a troll. But there are certainly moms in the DMV with this attitude.

My MS DD mentions the "popular kids". But seems to have no desire to be one. She and her group of friends describe themselves as "nerds"-- and she views this as a positive thing. She's proud of being a nerd, and was shocked when I told her that in my MS and HS it was a bad thing, and that cheerleaders and football players ruled the school. The difference in how the social structure works in a TJ feeder FCPS MS and my sh*tty Southern rural MS is astounding.

My kid knows who she is, and feels good about herself. She has a really nice group of friends that are like her. They
value academics and their own geeky interests. They do a lot inane texting and obsess about Undertale. They are not on social media yet. We are not dealing with any Queen Bee and Wannabe drama or bullying, and I don't feel like she is growing up too fast. Boys and beer are not on the radar.

I am very relieved she sees no need to be "popular". She is usually happy, does not have a lot of drama with her friends, and is comfortable in her own skin. When you are 13, that's saying a lot.

Grade school popularity is trifling.

If being "popular' means navigating the peer group with a Queen Bee, no thanks.

Anonymous wrote:The popular kids are usually the "mean" ones doing drugs and having sex. I wouldn't want my daughter to be "popular".

I have no idea that this is actually true, but I fear that it is. I think my DD may be the road to being popular, and I don't want that. Want her to focus on cadet.

The popular kids are usually the "mean" ones doing drugs and having sex. I wouldn't want my daughter to be "popular".

I was not "popular" in the general class population, (although I was kind of the most popular/leader of my little group of 4-5 girls).

I think being truly "popular" is pretty much a negative... seems to me like it boxes you into doing certain things. The ones who have the best set up are the ones who are on the sides of the most popular crowd, -- not totally stylish, but a little sporty, not especially cute -- just simply relate-able to everyone. Usually there are a few of these in every grade. They don't try very hard, but they just get along with every social group... naturally. Those are the ones who have the best situation. They are the social geniuses. (and I think they just come by it naturally).

Barring the above, I wouldn't want my kids to carry the stress of the "in" crowd. Too limiting. I'd rather have my kids have a small group of friends who are not popular, but very relate-able, very loyal, very down to earth. They don't have to appease anyone.

My DD was not popular and it hurt like heck at the time. Looking back, I can see how a lot of popular kids went off the rails in middle or h.s. because of drinking, drug use, anorexia or sense of entitlement. Not most, but quite a few of the really popular kids flamed out on the way to adulthood. Several guys have offspring. Several of the girls already divorced or in perpetual graduate programs/travel/rehab. Middle of the road seems much safer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From OP - we're not obsessed with it. My DD brought it up and I've heard other girls bring it up as well. It is still a thing in school and parents are naive if they think kids have evolved away from this. I wish it wasn't still a thing but it is.

+1
Yep. The PPs claiming this isn't a "real" thing are either very naïve or don't have kids in middle school yet (or both). Back in the day when most of us were in school, popular usually referred to the kids who were well-liked, nice to everybody, just generally standouts. Nowadays, it doesn't have a very positive connotation. "Popular" usually refers to the slutty people, to be frank. Both girls and boys.

Kids start using the phrase "popular" around 5th grade to describe certain kids. At least boys do. I am sure that means girls start defining kids as popular at least around that age, if not earlier.

Any poster with MS or HS DDs claiming popular don't exist is full of shit. Of course there are in the minds of the kids. Is it stupid? Of course it is. There are many groups within school for kids to fit in, but of course there is a popular click. And all will laugh about the stupidity of it in 20 years. And furthermore the popular click will have some losers and some successful ones just like all the other groups.

Anonymous wrote:Not the OP, but this is completely incorrect. I have a 13 yr. old daughter and she (and her friends) are very aware of who the "popular" kids are. That's what they call them, in fact. The "popular" girls (and boys) are the ones who skew promiscuous. The girls wear incredibly short shorts (showing butt cheek) and show too much skin all over. They are typically not very smart or nice and talk like Kim Kardashian. They post inappropriate pictures of themselves at parties. And no, the "popular" do not smile and talk with everyone - they stay very much to themselves and their own insular cliques. Popular doesn't mean what you think it means these days. And yes, this is what is reported by my daughter and her friends. It's not just me, or "existing only the minds of parents."

I do agree that teens find like-minded friends. My daughter is in what seems to be the "normal" group - not popular as defined above, but still plenty of friends (who don't act like the above descriptions).

I agree that that popularity is well-known concept in middle schools (just as it was 30 years ago when I was that age), and my DD is well aware of who is popular. At our school, it's not so much showing skin or acting dumb. But they're still a distinct group with more "attitude" than lots of other kids.

FWIW, OP, your DD is normal to talk about it, and it's probably a good thing she's not interested in being part of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From OP - we're not obsessed with it. My DD brought it up and I've heard other girls bring it up as well. It is still a thing in school and parents are naive if they think kids have evolved away from this. I wish it wasn't still a thing but it is.

+1
Yep. The PPs claiming this isn't a "real" thing are either very naïve or don't have kids in middle school yet (or both). Back in the day when most of us were in school, popular usually referred to the kids who were well-liked, nice to everybody, just generally standouts. Nowadays, it doesn't have a very positive connotation. "Popular" usually refers to the slutty people, to be frank. Both girls and boys.

+1 Being popular is definitely a real thing. Kids know who is popular, and the popular kids know they are popular. My 8th grade ds is not popular, but he sometimes talks about who is.

Anonymous wrote:From OP - we're not obsessed with it. My DD brought it up and I've heard other girls bring it up as well. It is still a thing in school and parents are naive if they think kids have evolved away from this. I wish it wasn't still a thing but it is.

+1
Yep. The PPs claiming this isn't a "real" thing are either very naïve or don't have kids in middle school yet (or both). Back in the day when most of us were in school, popular usually referred to the kids who were well-liked, nice to everybody, just generally standouts. Nowadays, it doesn't have a very positive connotation. "Popular" usually refers to the slutty people, to be frank. Both girls and boys.

Anonymous wrote:Popular exists only in the minds of parents. This shouldn't even be on your radar, OP.

These days, teens find like-minded friends no matter how quirky. The extroverted will perhaps give off the aura of being "popular", since they smile and talk with everyone, but everyone, most of all themselves (!), know how fleeting and superficial that is.

Please focus your energies elsewhere.

Not the OP, but this is completely incorrect. I have a 13 yr. old daughter and she (and her friends) are very aware of who the "popular" kids are. That's what they call them, in fact. The "popular" girls (and boys) are the ones who skew promiscuous. The girls wear incredibly short shorts (showing butt cheek) and show too much skin all over. They are typically not very smart or nice and talk like Kim Kardashian. They post inappropriate pictures of themselves at parties. And no, the "popular" do not smile and talk with everyone - they stay very much to themselves and their own insular cliques. Popular doesn't mean what you think it means these days. And yes, this is what is reported by my daughter and her friends. It's not just me, or "existing only the minds of parents."

I do agree that teens find like-minded friends. My daughter is in what seems to be the "normal" group - not popular as defined above, but still plenty of friends (who don't act like the above descriptions).

I care a lot that the friends my child chooses are nice people. Fortunately, so doe my child.