Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NOT.AT.ALL. DH even admits we can afford to do what I want. He does not spend much on himself (I encourage him to spend more on himself) - I think this is part of the issue. He cannot imagine what it feels like to have a material desire. Of any kind.

Does he have a long term plan for the money?

Yes. Get lots of it. And then keep it.

Anonymous wrote:How much money are you talking about? Do you have an estimate?

Anonymous wrote:

NOT.AT.ALL. DH even admits we can afford to do what I want. He does not spend much on himself (I encourage him to spend more on himself) - I think this is part of the issue. He cannot imagine what it feels like to have a material desire. Of any kind.

Does he have a long term plan for the money?

NOT.AT.ALL. DH even admits we can afford to do what I want. He does not spend much on himself (I encourage him to spend more on himself) - I think this is part of the issue. He cannot imagine what it feels like to have a material desire. Of any kind.

Anonymous wrote:Turn this around. Your DH wants to spend 10k on a new toy. You draw a line and say no. Normal?

If he says no, no goes, IMHO. Not sure why you would press this issue over granite counters.

Now if he was regularly controlling with money, then you've got other issues.

Anonymous wrote:

with granite installed running between 63 - 99 per square foot. My kitchen has 60 square feet of counter which is between 3780 - 5940 for granite. That is not "inconsequential" amount of money. Consider that at 200 - 250K of income your take home (after all deductions: fed, state tax, retirement, etc.) then your husband has to earn 8,000 - 12,000 in order for you to have new counter tops. That is about half a months work for him. something like 4 - 5% of your annual income. That is not "inconsequential." 4% here... 5% there.... "its only a few thousand... we make over 200k...." so on and so on....

maybe, but 60ft is a big kitchen, and I got nice granite for 45/ft installed. so my cost was like 2500. Ther'e's also a modest ROI (although doesn't sound like OP is going to sell anytime soon).

Its a bigger picture issue. is money tight? Does he have other things that he spends it on and you dont have a say in it? I can't comment on the dynamic since we both earn about 50% of the HHI and I run our finances but we generally decide things together.

with granite installed running between 63 - 99 per square foot. My kitchen has 60 square feet of counter which is between 3780 - 5940 for granite. That is not "inconsequential" amount of money. Consider that at 200 - 250K of income your take home (after all deductions: fed, state tax, retirement, etc.) then your husband has to earn 8,000 - 12,000 in order for you to have new counter tops. That is about half a months work for him. something like 4 - 5% of your annual income. That is not "inconsequential." 4% here... 5% there.... "its only a few thousand... we make over 200k...." so on and so on....

Anonymous wrote:Often the SAH parent is more in tune with home values and updates than the non-SAH parent. I'm a SAHM and my husband was indeed initially resistant to large-scale projects (and by large I mean kitchen or basement reno, not 4,000sqft addition), but he would come around when I'd point out that other families with similar incomes and homes had recently done it.

Anonymous wrote:We have talks about what needs to be done in the next year, two years, 5 years., etc. We prioritize and then I get estimates and then we re-evaluate the list.

Not sure if this is a sahm thing or a communication/relationship thing.

Anonymous wrote:I also said no to home improvements when my now ex-DW demanded them. I knew she was plotting a divorce, and she wanted the house all fixed up so she could live there and cash in on the equity.

Also, home improvements never pay off. You are much better off putting the money into a low-fee Vanguard fund and buying a nicer house with the proceeds one day.