He forgot to remind you, you forgot you said you would do it, how much of your upset over the text is him being objectively unreasonable and how much of it is you being defensive about having made a mistake?

Which doesn't mean things don't need to change more broadly (and doesn't answer the question of why he couldn't have handled this himself), but making more of this text than it really ought to be is a good way to undermine your credibility on the bigger issue.

I do not like that text because it sounds like you are an employee and not a partner. I don't know if I would be livid, depends on this history but I'd definitely commmunicate that that tone wasn't cool.

You agreed to do this task for him and you forgot.

It's on you.

Don't take on a task if you don't want to follow through.

I'd be annoyed and as a PP said, I'd direct him to where he could get the information. Barring that, i wouldn't jump to do it but would take care of it the next day. You're not his secretary.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - it was definitely a "command" tone. And I didn't go off on him or anything, so he may not even know I was pissed.

Whatever - I'll deal. Definitely a sign things have to change!

Why can't he contact your car insurance company himself? If he is on the policy....they will talk to him!

He needs to handle stuff like that himself. You arent his mom.

Anonymous wrote:no probably not. I'd just tell him I'm super busy and I hope I can get the time to do it.

+1

And add a text 'Bring everything you need done home tonight and we can work on it together'

Anonymous wrote:OP, just accept that your anger is a signal that things have to change. Next time he asks for something like that, don't say "No problem." Say "I'm swamped you need to get that yourself. Call the number on the back of your insurance card."

If he has a job and is capable of driving a car, he is capable of figuring this out for himself.

Agree, and OP doesn't even need the "I'm swamped" excuse. Just "you'll need to take care of that". He's an adult, he can figure it out.

Don't get me wrong, I get why some guys pull this crap. Life must be so much easier when you have an unpaid personal assistant at your beck and call that takes care of all that annoying minutiae that comes with being an adult. If you want them to stop treating you like their assistant, you have to stop responding to their requests.

Does he earn a lot more or something? Not sure why your current setup has you doing everything...

OP here - it was definitely a "command" tone. And I didn't go off on him or anything, so he may not even know I was pissed.

Whatever - I'll deal. Definitely a sign things have to change!

OP, just accept that your anger is a signal that things have to change. Next time he asks for something like that, don't say "No problem." Say "I'm swamped you need to get that yourself. Call the number on the back of your insurance card."

If he has a job and is capable of driving a car, he is capable of figuring this out for himself.

I'd feel annoyed that he expects me to so this stuff for him. I don't think I'd be "livid," but it sounds like there may be a bit of resentment that's starting to boil over.

Yes, it would. I too handle everything and work full time. This is what resentment looks like.

NBD, you're overreacting a little bit.
A big hug though. I'm a huge procrastinator ( not saying that you're one!) and get this kind of "warnings" all the time...

Op is scrutinizing each word of text? Amazed you have anyone who would be with you.

Op, it depends on what tone you ascribe to the text. A command tone would make me angry. A pleading tone would be ok. In any case, I think the issue is not the tone of the message but the workload distribution that you mention. I doubt you'd be annoyed at the message if you had more equalized distribution of load.