Anonymous wrote:I am generally not a fan of uprooting kids from a school, but in this case I would immediately be looking for another option.

The impact of this type of mean girl bullying on a girl's psyche can last a lifetime. Your daughter deserves so much better. Help her have it.

+1.

I am generally not a fan of uprooting kids from a school, but in this case I would immediately be looking for another option.

The impact of this type of mean girl bullying on a girl's psyche can last a lifetime. Your daughter deserves so much better. Help her have it.

I also agree that this is less likely to happen in a larger school, and that is a large part of the problem. Even if your DD is "quirky", in a larger school she could find her tribe, even if it's just 1-2 other kids.

I think you need to pull her out, OP. Explain to her that this is a common dynamic in schools like this and that she's not alone in her experience, but that there's little that can be done when there are only 5 girls in a class. I don't think much can be done to improve things for her in such a tiny school.

But the administration needs to treat this as a bullying crisis amongst the girls and initiate some sensitivity training and workshops for the kids.

This happened to my daughter in a similar sized private school and we put her in public and she thrived. Change schools if possible - even if the other choice seems bad to you now. I wish we would have done it sooner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go to the meeting with the guidance counselor with specific ideas. Maybe your student would be allowed to do something "cool" (think eat lunch in the classroom or outside or in the art room) and the teacher has one other student with her for this cool experience.

Have the teacher assign partners. Consider requesting assigned seats at the cafeteria table for now. This behavior of the other girls sounds like bullying!

Teach your daughter some tricks to fake it until she can make it-- have a book with her or an art journal at lunch?

Get her counseling. For whatever reason, kids who have been ostracized tend to end up in the same situation in a new school!

Are you basing that statement on experience or research? Because that makes me feel completely defeated. I'm not OP, but have had a similar experience.

NP here and it wasn't my experience. I switched schools for a similar reason and was never bullied again.

OP, if you are posted overseas are there other schooling options for you? I know several posts only have one school that all the expat kids attend.
Can you explore Stanford Online or a US-based online academy if there are truly no other options for DD? I know this is a an emotionally fraught decision that you are facing. If you are FS the homeschool allowance is an issue now.
This same exclusion issue is something our family has faced before in a part of the world where the international school population is nearly all local students. It was exacerbated by the fact that our chidren were excellent students.

OP, is this the German School by any chance? I don't mean to pry, but your description of the grade size and reference to your daughter's school being international makes me wonder. If so, there's unfortunately very little you can do. Bullying/ exclusion is prevalent there, and while there are official programs and a fee teachers who try to help, the administration won't do anything as they need every tuition dollar to keep the school afloat. Even if this is not your daughter's school, if the underlying school dynamics are the same, you'll need to move her. Good luck and strength!

Private schools always have strong personalities, and often are miserable places for someone who doesn't fit the culture.

This school is so tiny that all it would take is one bad apple in her grade to ruin her life. There may be some truth to typos statement about kids getting ostracized everywhere, and it is certainlly true that her personal issues would follow her to the next school, but...

There are many things about the dynamic at a tiny school that wouldn't follow her to the next one. And, there are many of us with stories about ostracism not following us to the next school.

So she attended this school all of 6th grade? How were her relationships with other girls in her class in grades 1-5? If she had problems then, perhaps she is a bit quirky and you need to figure how to help her social skills. If she had good friendships and social skills in elementary school and it just started in this new school, there is a strong probability one or two girls feels threatened by her and are purposely making her life miserable. I would homeschool her before I kept sending her there. It is such a small school the teachers and admin must know what is going on. If you do think about homeschooling go to well trained minds forum and they will tell you all about homeschooling and resources.
If the mean girls have enough power to turn all the other girls against her, there isn't much hope. Have her read Blubber by Judy Bloom about a domineering girl who turns the class against another girl.

Anonymous wrote:Please, please, please pull her out of that school and put her somewhere with larger class sizes. Public would be ideal but if you can find a private with at least 50 girls in the grade that might work.

This happened to my sister areound that age at a small Catholic school with about the same number of girls in the grade (6-7).

It literally scarred her for life. She is a beautiful, accomplished, talented, intelligent 40 something year old woman and that year of bullying has tainted every single relationship and social interaction in her life and still does.

Do not leave your daughter in this school a minute longer. This kind of bullying will change her forever and literally ruin her life.

+1000

Good luck, op. I'm so sorry this is happening to your daughter. I hope you have the option of a larger environment. Oftentimes in these smaller schools there is nowhere for girls to go. Hugs to you both. It sucks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go to the meeting with the guidance counselor with specific ideas. Maybe your student would be allowed to do something "cool" (think eat lunch in the classroom or outside or in the art room) and the teacher has one other student with her for this cool experience.

Have the teacher assign partners. Consider requesting assigned seats at the cafeteria table for now. This behavior of the other girls sounds like bullying!

Teach your daughter some tricks to fake it until she can make it-- have a book with her or an art journal at lunch?

Get her counseling. For whatever reason, kids who have been ostracized tend to end up in the same situation in a new school!

Are you basing that statement on experience or research? Because that makes me feel completely defeated. I'm not OP, but have had a similar experience.

Both. Having said that-- we did a LOT of stuff to help my daughter build self-confidence and be less focused on "trying" to fit in. I did a lot of research on this. I do know of one girl that had a significant amount of counseling, went to a new school (private and a bit geeky) and did great.

Sounds tough . I was your daughter, though in a much larger school, in 6-7th grade. My mom actually let me stay home a lot, even though my teachers weren't happy with this. I credit my mom for knowing I needed a break from all of it. I was academically strong so that wasn't a concern. My parents had their own issues and couldn't afford therapy or private school. I got through it, and while it was excruciating at the time, it's made me, I hope, an authentic, kind, warm hearted person. I will tell you the scars are there but my mother's unfailing support meant everything. Fwiw, I had a dramatic turn in highschool. I found a great group of friends and in college really found "my tribe". I wish your daughter the best and please let her know my story if it would help and that this is but a blip in her lifetime- though it's a painful time.

Anonymous wrote:I would go to the meeting with the guidance counselor with specific ideas. Maybe your student would be allowed to do something "cool" (think eat lunch in the classroom or outside or in the art room) and the teacher has one other student with her for this cool experience.

Have the teacher assign partners. Consider requesting assigned seats at the cafeteria table for now. This behavior of the other girls sounds like bullying!

Teach your daughter some tricks to fake it until she can make it-- have a book with her or an art journal at lunch?

Get her counseling. For whatever reason, kids who have been ostracized tend to end up in the same situation in a new school!

Are you basing that statement on experience or research? Because that makes me feel completely defeated. I'm not OP, but have had a similar experience.

Get her into sports and after school activities she likes.something to try until you can make a bigger decision

Find another school. This is treatment she doesn't deserve.