Anonymous wrote:I think it's pathetic. It is like you want a "do over" to get the perfect family.

np. And I think your mean. Wanting to have children, even with a different father is not pathetic. Op sounds like a good mom because she is thinking of her daughter.

Anonymous wrote:I think it's pathetic. It is like you want a "do over" to get the perfect family.

I knew someone like you would make an appearance soon...

Having another baby is MUCH less important that how you handle remarriage. Is your new DH kind to your daughter? Did you rush into marriage? Have you worked out finances and discipline? Does he understand that your her mother first, his wife second? Are your assets/estate set up so your daughter is protected?

If you have all of that in order, then it's your choice about whether to have a baby.

I think it's pathetic. It is like you want a "do over" to get the perfect family.

Do you have primary physical custody of your daughter? I think it's easier when it's the mom who has kids with different dads. They are spending most time with their mom.

But your kids will always have two different sets of parents. That comes into play a million times. Birthday party size/affordability, vacations, school choices, gifts, when they get cell phones, access to cars, college choices. Due to money mostly, but also potentially competing parenting values between the dads.

If you've got a solid relationship now and a decent compare ting relationship with your ex, then I would probably just add a good therapist who you can touch bases with as complex parenting issues come up. That's not necessary but I think it's valuable. (I'm a step mom).

No family is perfect. But every family can be really good.

Different situation, but similar. My DH has a child from a previous marriage living with us full time and we just had a baby. It is absolutely doable, but we're constantly reinforcing that our love will be spread to everyone. It does not help that my DH's Ex is constantly trying to alienate his child and says messed up things. All you can do is love them and reassure them there is more love to come. It is also important for you to have one on one time (mommy and me) dates with your oldest child. I encourage my DH and they have tons of daddy and me dates with the oldest child. It is also very important for the baby and the older sibling to bond and you have to foster it and guide it.

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you mentioned any of this to your daughter? Has she said anything about this issue?

I have spoken to her and she said she would be happy with another sibling on my side of the family. She may feel differently when/if the baby is in the picture.

Anonymous wrote:This could be very hard on your daughter given her age. She will likely feel like an outsider to the family unit of you, husband and baby as she will be entering her tween / teen years and that is a hard time to go through the adjustment of only child / single parent for a long time to half sister and step daughter in another blended family.

It is also hard because life ends up revolving around the baby. can't have friends over because baby is sleeping, baby cries a lot when she is trying to do homework, you can't go to your sports game because baby etc.

This is one of my concerns. I would make sure she's included in everything, but I worry she'll still feel like she won't fit in anywhere.

I have kids from 2 different dads, ODD was 6 when YDD was born. They are sisters, no one even refers to them as half-sisters. ODD's dad is involved and also has a child who is under a year old now. I obviously can't forsee the future, but I think its been good for my ODD. When I was a single mom and she was the only child on all sides, I think she was a little spoiled and there was a lack of routine since it was just the 2 of us. Now that we're a bigger family, she has responsibilities of being a big sister and we have routines and boundaries that weren't really necessary before but are important. She just has a *lot* of family, from my family, her dad's family, my H's family and her stepmom's family--they all love her and include her. She has the usual gripes of an older sister but that's it. I don't know if she'll be close to her siblings, but I think it helps to have those connections.

This could be very hard on your daughter given her age. She will likely feel like an outsider to the family unit of you, husband and baby as she will be entering her tween / teen years and that is a hard time to go through the adjustment of only child / single parent for a long time to half sister and step daughter in another blended family.

It is also hard because life ends up revolving around the baby. can't have friends over because baby is sleeping, baby cries a lot when she is trying to do homework, you can't go to your sports game because baby etc.

OP, have you mentioned any of this to your daughter? Has she said anything about this issue?

Ok, but make sure this guy is forever.
My SIL has 2 kids from 2 dads (husbands), is divorced twice and now with guy #3. Her oldest dd just had a baby at age 18. messy family situation

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I vote to have the baby and commit to treating the kids just the same. It will build their bond and the different fathers won't matter. My friend has two about 12 years apart-look so much alike despite the dads looking very different. And they just adore each other. Her new DH is also a good guy, which helps.

Oh wow, that's great. Because you definitely get a vote.

Um, she asked for opinions. Vote = position. But I appreciate your limited and literal view.

I have 3 siblings: 2 are step-siblings (my step-mom's kids w/ her exH) and one is a half-sibling (via ste-mom and my dad). I am 9 years older than my half-sibling, so similar to your situation, and we have a fantastic relationship. If anything, having a kid together made my dad and step-mom's "family" see more real/inclusive to me and probably improved my relationship w/ my step-mom as well.

It's not like you're running around willy-nilly having babies with everyone you date. You were married before and you're planning to marry again. (and i say this as a single mom.) How's the relationship with your first child's dad? the only thing I'd be worried about is that it might seem unfair if one kid has a great dad and one has a dad who's kind of a dud. How would your child feel about being an older brother/sister? My daughter would have LOVED to have had a younger sibling. (but in my case, I did not want to have TWO kids as a single mom.)