Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would he consider the slapping to be spanking and the two of you differ on how to punish or was it a slap in anger?

Every time it was a slap on the face. One of them was 3 times in succession which left a mark, noted by school nurse to which DC gave some excuse Which is when I threatened to call CPS, he was offended but he agreed to counseling but nothing came out of it. Rest were single slaps on the face.

But to answer your question, yes it was in anger and he thinks it is part of discipline and something he is trying to control himself and justifies as people do get angry and it was not a major injury.

And the tension and stress around this is what is making me feel relief tonight over the divorce.

But I do want some protections in place for children if this happens under his custody. I am not sure the best way to do this.

Sounds like your child would be old enough to speak to this, the mark noticed by school staff is good evidence and slapping across the face in anger would be a hard sell as a parenting technique. Document all the incidences to the best of your ability.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In addition to speaking w an attorney call the domestic abuse hotline. This is a free resource. Best of luck to you OP.

OP here, well that is my dilemma, the last time he slapped DC was Oct 2016 and I have zero evidence. He threw a toy at me in Dec 2016, I don't know if that even counts, but again no evidence.

And now that we have agreed to separate, I don't see the point in calling the hotline in the absence of an active threat.
Sorry I am not trying to argue, but confirming the right course of action so I proceed cautiously. Would they counsel for past abuse?

Lots of domestic violence clinics have free or low cost legal resources for victims. It doesn't matter that the last time he physically assaulted you was a few months ago.

Anonymous wrote:Would he consider the slapping to be spanking and the two of you differ on how to punish or was it a slap in anger?

Every time it was a slap on the face. One of them was 3 times in succession which left a mark, noted by school nurse to which DC gave some excuse Which is when I threatened to call CPS, he was offended but he agreed to counseling but nothing came out of it. Rest were single slaps on the face.

But to answer your question, yes it was in anger and he thinks it is part of discipline and something he is trying to control himself and justifies as people do get angry and it was not a major injury.

And the tension and stress around this is what is making me feel relief tonight over the divorce.

But I do want some protections in place for children if this happens under his custody. I am not sure the best way to do this.

Would he consider the slapping to be spanking and the two of you differ on how to punish or was it a slap in anger?

Anonymous wrote:In addition to speaking w an attorney call the domestic abuse hotline. This is a free resource. Best of luck to you OP.

OP here, well that is my dilemma, the last time he slapped DC was Oct 2016 and I have zero evidence. He threw a toy at me in Dec 2016, I don't know if that even counts, but again no evidence.

And now that we have agreed to separate, I don't see the point in calling the hotline in the absence of an active threat.
Sorry I am not trying to argue, but confirming the right course of action so I proceed cautiously. Would they counsel for past abuse?

In addition to speaking w an attorney call the domestic abuse hotline. This is a free resource. Best of luck to you OP.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and the lawyer I saw bills $450 an hour, is that typical? Any recommendations for someone less expensive?

Demian McGarry.

OP here, and the lawyer I saw bills $450 an hour, is that typical? Any recommendations for someone less expensive?

OP here, H is asking for divorce because I left overnight, and refused to tell him where the hotel is. Plus I told him instead of leaving I will call 911 if he hits again which he thinks is verbal abuse.
I am kind of relieved to end this drama.

My question is: He is asking for joint equal custody and I have zero evidence of past abuse towards the kid. He has slapped DC in 8 different instances in last two years. Nothing before that I know of. And he severely downplays this. I can kick myself for not calling CPS, but we tried counseling. And two instances this year I feel would have escalated to slapping if I had not interrupted.

My kid can talk but the lawyer I met on Friday (before he asked for this) said courts in Fairfax county don't take kids as witnesses.
I will be talking to a lawyer and my therapist again but I want to make sure that in someway I have it in writing somewhere legally so if any abuse is reported in the future, I can show a pattern? And based on past incidents he really does not deserve equal custody. He wants no fault not contested.

I guess I am rambling and not sure what I want, but any advice or guidance is appreciated.