Our wedding anniversary is the same day as my step-mother's birthday. Not a problem.

We don't live near each other so there's no conflict with parties or celebrations. But even if we did, I think it would be fine. How often do you celebrate things on the exact day anyway? Shift plans to the weekend before or after.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Some boundaries are needed. Grandma, your birthday is on Tuesday. Can we stop by this weekend or next? And, BTW, DH should have the conversation with his mother, not you.

OP here, totally agree but unfortunately DH is a mommy's boy so he will do anything for his mom.

Ding! Ding! Ding! You have a husband problem not a MIL problem.

OP, you haven't specified how close together they are. Unless they are the exact same date, I'm with everyone else in not seeing an issue. An anniversary you can easily celebrate over a nearby weekend anyway.

OK, OP. I get that you need to be celebrated on Mother's Day, but do you need an entire day of just you? Why can't you wake up with your nuclear family, have a small breakfast with something fun like donuts or cinammon rolls, open a few cards and gifts, and then have dinner with other family members?

For your birthday, same deal. Breakfast or dinner can be your special moment, so how are you not getting a full day? Stop the joint celebrating. (Are you and DH really having a full-scale party? If so, stop. Unless it's a milestone birthday, really, stop.) My husband's birthday was on a Thursday a few weeks ago. We went out with the kids to dinner the weekend before, and on the day of, we opened cards and had eggs and cinnamon rolls in the morning. That night, we had a normal dinner and had cupcakes. Happy Birthday! No adult needs a full-scale party, really.

Who even but the couple celebrates anniversaries, unless it is 25, 50 or whatever true milestone years? My ILs and parents send us a card. That's about it. My *husband* and I celebrate, because it's our special day.

OP needs to move DH away from mama's house. A plane ride away would be life changing.

OP needs to move her mama's boy DH father away from mama. You can't require attendance at birthdays every year when you have to get on a plane to be together.

Get divorced and remarry on a better day. Problem solved.

I think that OP should sit down with her husband and come up with a random day that they call "It's all about OP day". Then they celebrate this day quietly, without a lot of external fanfare, but OP gets treated like the magical queen that she is. Maybe her husband's first gift for OP can be a tiara. Next year he could give her a magic wand. You get the picture.

Anonymous wrote:OP here...
I'm totally not spoiled and in fact small celebrations like dinner or movie will make me more than happy.
MIL is a drama queen and it's always about her, even mother's day. She will not acknowledge that I am a mother too and want to spend a special day for myself with my children. She is forever the center of the attention. Also, my DH and I are few days apart so we usually celebrate our birthdays together.
Perhaps, throughout the year I just feel like there isn't a day I feel it's special for me

But your anniversary isn't about just you. It is about you and DH. Maybe it is time to separate your birthdays so you can have a day that is all about you.

Anonymous wrote:The problem is the people involved (namely OP and MIL) not the proximity of the occasions.

We have a lot less family drama in our family but have loads of events near each other and don't have a problem. Most of the time it's a good thing. We don't tend to forget the things clustered together but sometimes do forget one of the isolated.

Amen. My mom and grandmother had birthdays a day apart. Number of times this caused a problem: zero.
My husband and I have birthdays two days apart. Number of times this caused a problem: zero.
My sister and I have birthdays a day apart. Number of times this caused a problem (excluding when we were little kids): zero.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one but you and DH care about your anniversary.

This.

So much this. I have some in-laws who make a huge, public deal about their anniversaries every year. It's so stupid. Unless it's a big milestone one, no one cares.

Of course, this is true of birthdays, as well.

Anonymous wrote:No one but you and DH care about your anniversary.

This.

Anonymous wrote:OP, next year you need to PLAN EARLY. Make a reservation, for two people, for your anniversary. Do not negotiate on this. You can celebrate your MIL's birthday some other time.

The key is to have plans FIRST. I'd suggest going out of town for a the next few anniversaries to really get in the habit of not having your MIL hijack it.

Thanks!

OP, next year you need to PLAN EARLY. Make a reservation, for two people, for your anniversary. Do not negotiate on this. You can celebrate your MIL's birthday some other time.

The key is to have plans FIRST. I'd suggest going out of town for a the next few anniversaries to really get in the habit of not having your MIL hijack it.

Anonymous wrote:OP: Some boundaries are needed. Grandma, your birthday is on Tuesday. Can we stop by this weekend or next? And, BTW, DH should have the conversation with his mother, not you.

OP here, totally agree but unfortunately DH is a mommy's boy so he will do anything for his mom.