Have you tried talking to her on her level to see why she dislikes her father? I would first try to find out what's in her head. Sometimes kids pick up stuff from others and imitate it. If not, I was reading this article that I pray would help you. I do pray that you are able to get to the root of the cause as to why she is behaving the way that she is.

http://bit.ly/2woAhZS

You and your husband should think long and hard about what kind of example you are setting for your daughter. How do you treat each other? How do you treat others? Kids don't become mean brats in a vacuum.

Maybe dad could help her develop empathy. Have a conversation about how it makes him feel. Not while she's being punished.
Remind her about a time when her feelings were hurt and relate it to the current situation.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We do punish her or give her a time out every single time and she truly doesn't care. She loves ice cream and loses her treat pretty much every weekend and is just like oh well.

She also does spend time alone with DH - sometimes theyhave a great time, sometimes she is horrible.

Obviously losing ice cream isn't much of a punishment for her nor is it effective to continue to lose her treat if you know it's not working. No wonder she is continuing this behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to be punished every single time she is rude and she needs to be punished by YOU. Dad needs to do some one on one things with her. You leave for the day. Tell her that she will be spending the dad with just dad. She can choose to have fun all day with him or choose to be miserable all day

+1 to this.

4.5 is old enough that this behavior cannot be tolerated.

Yup. Our DD didn't go this far but definitely went through a phase where she'd say she only loved mommy and other nonsense. It led to a few big arguments with DW over how no, this wasn't because I was just a meanie to her but because a.) she was a SAHM and the kids spent much more time with her, and b.) she was much more permissive than I was and wasn't correcting tantrumming. I don't think DW actually got this until DD started throwing huge tantrums when around 3.5 (with both of us, but primarily with mom) and then it clicked that things needed to change. She and DS still prefer time with mom, but DD no longer says rude things, and she's a lot better behaved with both of us.

Anonymous wrote:Is no one concerned about why a young daughter is so obviously uncomfortable around her father? Sure, it's normal to express a preference for the attention of one parent or another, but to tell other caregivers that she doesn't like him, wishes he would leave, and wants her household to be just her and mommy... instead of punishing I would try to figure out why she's saying those things.

There's always some misandrist who believes that the only reason a child says mean things to a male caretaker is because he's abusing her. Go away.

Everyone else has it nailed. You need to nip this in the bud--punishment every single time--and also examine how you're interacting with DH in front of her while giving him more time to spend time with her without you. She learned she could get away with disrespecting him without meaningful consequences, just as a child would learn any other ugly habit.

Is no one concerned about why a young daughter is so obviously uncomfortable around her father? Sure, it's normal to express a preference for the attention of one parent or another, but to tell other caregivers that she doesn't like him, wishes he would leave, and wants her household to be just her and mommy... instead of punishing I would try to figure out why she's saying those things.