Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 16:52     Subject: Re:He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would marry him. Sex is important but if everything else is there he sounds great.you are 46 I don't know that if you let him go you will find something better. Can you try to teach him? Have you talked about it?


Also - your sex drive will decline with menopause in the next 10 years, right? Or so I've been told. It would be different if you were 26, or even 36. All that being said, if sex is a priority for you then you'll be unsatisfied without that connection with your partner. It's up to you whether or not you can live with that.


I'm in my 60's and I still have a strong sex drive. It helps in that my DH still has a strong drive. It's true that many women do lose their drive but for many it's not menopause, it's that the sexual attraction in their marriage has waned. If we don't have sex at least once a week I complain!



I really think that for women, sex drive is very "use it or lose it," especially as you age.


Naw it's not. Women that are smart know what's really important in the long run. Hmm the good looking guy with little money or the chubby guy who loves you and wants you both to have a great life. Hmmm which shall I choose, lol. The smart woman will choose the better choice. Now a man will almost always choose the bimbo over the average looking woman unless he's smart and has a good foundation. Maryann or Ginger? Obvious to some, not to others.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 16:50     Subject: He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Marry him and get a toy. After a couple years of marriage, you won't want to have sex with him anyway. It's will work.


That's sad. Both men and women should plan to have satisfying sex with their future spouse, not a life of bad sex or no sex in exchange for a certain standard of living.

I read that men whose DW's outearned them are more likely to cheat and usually with a lower income woman who reports the sex is great. They bring their A game with the OW because they can't impress her with money.


In my experience, this is true: men who don't have money bring their A game in bed (I'm not the OW, and I make decent money on my own, but the best sex I've had was with a guy of lower means).


My friend divorced her great husband for one of these. She never had to work and he was great. Just got bored after 15 years and we ALL told her to not do it. Saddest thing because less than a year later she called me and said she made a big mistake. Can't live on sex and of course like all things IT GOT OLD. She had problems with his family, money problems and a whole new set of problems. His D wasn't that great afterall and she tried like heck to get back with her husband but he moved on. So sad because it wasn't a good ending I'll ever forget.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 16:49     Subject: Re:He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would marry him. Sex is important but if everything else is there he sounds great.you are 46 I don't know that if you let him go you will find something better. Can you try to teach him? Have you talked about it?


Also - your sex drive will decline with menopause in the next 10 years, right? Or so I've been told. It would be different if you were 26, or even 36. All that being said, if sex is a priority for you then you'll be unsatisfied without that connection with your partner. It's up to you whether or not you can live with that.


I'm in my 60's and I still have a strong sex drive. It helps in that my DH still has a strong drive. It's true that many women do lose their drive but for many it's not menopause, it's that the sexual attraction in their marriage has waned. If we don't have sex at least once a week I complain!



I really think that for women, sex drive is very "use it or lose it," especially as you age.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 16:48     Subject: He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Anonymous wrote:I'm 46 and single. I have 2 kids. I own my own home, and make a decent amount of money to support my kids and myself.
I've been dating a very nice guy. He is 45 as well, never married, never had kids. Very career focused. He has great benefits, makes a good amount of money (about equal to me). He has saved and invested a ton of money, while I have spent most of mine raising my kids on my own. I am not broke. I am ok. My benefits at work are not great at all.

He has a good future ahead of him, retirement etc. He wants to get married. He loves me, loves my kids ( 17,15). I love him. My only hesitation is that in bed, he is practically dead. It's me doing it all.
He doesn't decline sex, he just doesn't do, well, much of anything. His personality is not a very touchy feely type. We hold hands, when I take his hand. he kisses me every day. Passionately, no, but he kisses me. He hugs me. He tells me he loves me.

At my age, do I commit to a crappy sex life, but a secure future for me and my kids, or do I wait for the whole package?
Can I live with this type of sex life, I think so.
Not having to worry about benefits or retirement and just feeling overall secure financially for me and my kids for the rest of my life is very appealing.

I'm not looking for his money, I have college savings accounts started for both of my kids. I have my own 401K and it's decent.

Do I want to be alone for the rest of my life, NO. I've been alone long enough and love the comfort of a partner.

What do I do?



I see this kind of question come up so many times and I always am amazed at how this becomes a choice of "Do I dump him, or do I just accept that my husband/boyfriend will be bad in bed forever?" as if there are no other possible choices.

Why not just bring up the issue with him? It doesn't have to be that big of a deal. I'd want to know if I was in his position. Maybe he can change thing up.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 16:47     Subject: He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Anonymous wrote:I'm 46 and single. I have 2 kids. I own my own home, and make a decent amount of money to support my kids and myself.
I've been dating a very nice guy. He is 45 as well, never married, never had kids. Very career focused. He has great benefits, makes a good amount of money (about equal to me). He has saved and invested a ton of money, while I have spent most of mine raising my kids on my own. I am not broke. I am ok. My benefits at work are not great at all.

He has a good future ahead of him, retirement etc. He wants to get married. He loves me, loves my kids ( 17,15). I love him. My only hesitation is that in bed, he is practically dead. It's me doing it all.
He doesn't decline sex, he just doesn't do, well, much of anything. His personality is not a very touchy feely type. We hold hands, when I take his hand. he kisses me every day. Passionately, no, but he kisses me. He hugs me. He tells me he loves me.

At my age, do I commit to a crappy sex life, but a secure future for me and my kids, or do I wait for the whole package?
Can I live with this type of sex life, I think so.
Not having to worry about benefits or retirement and just feeling overall secure financially for me and my kids for the rest of my life is very appealing.

I'm not looking for his money, I have college savings accounts started for both of my kids. I have my own 401K and it's decent.

Do I want to be alone for the rest of my life, NO. I've been alone long enough and love the comfort of a partner.

What do I do?


You're serious...at 46??? You'd better jump on it and put a ring on it asap.

I know many women or men for that matter that would love to find a good partner instead of the wackos with tons of baggage at that age. Really what fantasy world are you living in?
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 16:39     Subject: He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Marry him and get a toy. After a couple years of marriage, you won't want to have sex with him anyway. It's will work.


That's sad. Both men and women should plan to have satisfying sex with their future spouse, not a life of bad sex or no sex in exchange for a certain standard of living.

I read that men whose DW's outearned them are more likely to cheat and usually with a lower income woman who reports the sex is great. They bring their A game with the OW because they can't impress her with money.


In my experience, this is true: men who don't have money bring their A game in bed (I'm not the OW, and I make decent money on my own, but the best sex I've had was with a guy of lower means).
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 16:19     Subject: Re:He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would marry him. Sex is important but if everything else is there he sounds great.you are 46 I don't know that if you let him go you will find something better. Can you try to teach him? Have you talked about it?


Also - your sex drive will decline with menopause in the next 10 years, right? Or so I've been told. It would be different if you were 26, or even 36. All that being said, if sex is a priority for you then you'll be unsatisfied without that connection with your partner. It's up to you whether or not you can live with that.


I'm in my 60's and I still have a strong sex drive. It helps in that my DH still has a strong drive. It's true that many women do lose their drive but for many it's not menopause, it's that the sexual attraction in their marriage has waned. If we don't have sex at least once a week I complain!
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 16:09     Subject: Re:He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Anonymous wrote:I would marry him. Sex is important but if everything else is there he sounds great.you are 46 I don't know that if you let him go you will find something better. Can you try to teach him? Have you talked about it?


Also - your sex drive will decline with menopause in the next 10 years, right? Or so I've been told. It would be different if you were 26, or even 36. All that being said, if sex is a priority for you then you'll be unsatisfied without that connection with your partner. It's up to you whether or not you can live with that.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 13:53     Subject: He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
What happened to the guy you were dating who was great in bed?
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 13:50     Subject: Re:He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
tell me more about the 45 and never married part. more than just career focused. dating history? why? if he is that great of a catch and no marriage i would say that is somewhat of a red flag. not in every case, but in many.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 13:46     Subject: Re:He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Except for the sex he sounds great! You should have a serious talk with him about it. Does he like sex but is lousy. Or does he not like it. If he doesn't like it is he gay or is there something else causing it. If he's just not good at it then play teacher. Don't give up on him until you know exactly where he stands on sex.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 13:36     Subject: He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Anonymous wrote:Don't worry honey, you're sex drive will dry up in no time, in fact, I'm surprised it hasn't already at your age..


I'm also 46 and super horny. Not sure where you get your info.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 13:35     Subject: He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
You have to talk to him about this.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 13:33     Subject: He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Do you tell him to bang the hell out of you?

Tell him where you want it. Tell him he needs to
Pound you like there is no tomorrow.

If he doesn't get the picture. Then move on.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 13:29     Subject: He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Don't worry honey, you're sex drive will dry up in no time, in fact, I'm surprised it hasn't already at your age..