Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 11:50     Subject: DH has affair & baby - did you stay?
Anonymous wrote:I know a woman whose husband did this. She decided she had no reason to give up the financial comforts of her marriage. She had her husband push for 50% custody right off the bat. Judge granted visits right away and then overnights once baby was 3 months. She figured the other woman having to drop off her baby to the home of her ex-lover and his wife of 20 years was pretty delicious retribution. (Apparently other woman sobbed every time for literally years). Kid is 10 now and calls the woman "mom"--they have primary custody now. So I guess there's one example.


I would have thought visitation would be much worse for the DW than the OW. The DW has to have the evidence of the affair right in her face during visitation.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 11:39     Subject: DH has affair & baby - did you stay?
I honestly don't know if I could forgive it and continue to live with him. I think I would wonder every day if he would leave our family for the other family and I would hate not having the comfort of not worrying about that. But it's really hard to say unless you've walked in those shoes. Crappy situation all around for sure. And I feel bad for the child of the affair. It was not the child's fault.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 11:26     Subject: DH has affair & baby - did you stay?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know a woman whose husband did this. She decided she had no reason to give up the financial comforts of her marriage. She had her husband push for 50% custody right off the bat. Judge granted visits right away and then overnights once baby was 3 months. She figured the other woman having to drop off her baby to the home of her ex-lover and his wife of 20 years was pretty delicious retribution. (Apparently other woman sobbed every time for literally years). Kid is 10 now and calls the woman "mom"--they have primary custody now. So I guess there's one example.


I'm sure stories about selling her dignity to keep her standard of living and traumatizing a postpartum mother have made your friend highly admired in your community.


+1. Not to mention letting her husband - the one who actually violated her trust - have his cake and eat it too. Classy.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 11:26     Subject: DH has affair & baby - did you stay?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why?

DH promised that it was mistake and yada yada. But there's a baby. A baby he has to take care of for the next eighteen years...


Oh my god, no. I cannot even imagine. The fact that he was having an affair without a condom and endangering his *wife* is plenty for me...


I love how y'all act like sex is a deadly act when it's an affair, yet probably more than half of you were sleeping around with whoever whenever in your college years and whatnot.


Their issue is with a husband having unprotected sex with an affair partner, not the promiscuity of single people.


I demand that my DH doesn't expose himself (and me) to new possibilities of STDs while we're married. Given that it's an affair, I assume that he's not telling me and just allowing me to live in ignorance of potential, lifelong health outcomes. Scumbag move.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 11:17     Subject: DH has affair & baby - did you stay?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why?

DH promised that it was mistake and yada yada. But there's a baby. A baby he has to take care of for the next eighteen years...


Oh my god, no. I cannot even imagine. The fact that he was having an affair without a condom and endangering his *wife* is plenty for me...


I love how y'all act like sex is a deadly act when it's an affair, yet probably more than half of you were sleeping around with whoever whenever in your college years and whatnot.


Their issue is with a husband having unprotected sex with an affair partner, not the promiscuity of single people.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 11:16     Subject: DH has affair & baby - did you stay?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OMG I would NOT stay. Only an idiot would let this happen in the first place (sorry, OP). Having an affair in the first place is a major problem but getting her pregnant? GTFOH.


I'm hoping you realize that once a man ejaculates he has no legal rights as far as a child is concerned. I'll admit the affair is a stupid move on his part but once the sperm is out he can't do a damn thing, condom broke too bad, she "forgot" to take her pill too bad. she could have even grabbed the sperm from a used condom (highly unlikely but possible) too bad.

I'd say the stupidest thing he did was have the affair in the first place, getting her pregnant and keeping the baby to term up was possibly not his choice.



Um, yes, the father DOES have legal rights to his child.


Legal rights to concerning the child after it is born, or maybe some legal recourse for prenatal care if he fights it in court, correct. Choice to terminate the pregnancy, nope.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 11:12     Subject: DH has affair & baby - did you stay?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why?

DH promised that it was mistake and yada yada. But there's a baby. A baby he has to take care of for the next eighteen years...


Oh my god, no. I cannot even imagine. The fact that he was having an affair without a condom and endangering his *wife* is plenty for me...


I love how y'all act like sex is a deadly act when it's an affair, yet probably more than half of you were sleeping around with whoever whenever in your college years and whatnot.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 11:12     Subject: DH has affair & baby - did you stay?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know a woman whose husband did this. She decided she had no reason to give up the financial comforts of her marriage. She had her husband push for 50% custody right off the bat. Judge granted visits right away and then overnights once baby was 3 months. She figured the other woman having to drop off her baby to the home of her ex-lover and his wife of 20 years was pretty delicious retribution. (Apparently other woman sobbed every time for literally years). Kid is 10 now and calls the woman "mom"--they have primary custody now. So I guess there's one example.


I'm sure stories about selling her dignity to keep her standard of living and traumatizing a postpartum mother have made your friend highly admired in your community.


Eeeeeeeexactly


All bad actors in this scenario. Don't feel sorry for anyone, but speaking as someone whose husband had an affair, the hurt and anger is extreme and long lasting. And yes, common sense aside, women do blame and have absolute contempt for the OW even though it's the DH who did the cheating.
I can absolutely see her wanting to cause the OW some emotional damage. It's not right or even rational.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 11:11     Subject: DH has affair & baby - did you stay?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know a woman whose husband did this. She decided she had no reason to give up the financial comforts of her marriage. She had her husband push for 50% custody right off the bat. Judge granted visits right away and then overnights once baby was 3 months. She figured the other woman having to drop off her baby to the home of her ex-lover and his wife of 20 years was pretty delicious retribution. (Apparently other woman sobbed every time for literally years). Kid is 10 now and calls the woman "mom"--they have primary custody now. So I guess there's one example.


I'm sure stories about selling her dignity to keep her standard of living and traumatizing a postpartum mother have made your friend highly admired in your community.


I don't disagree with your assessment of the wife, but that traumatized woman had a baby with another woman's husband.


It's possible that the OW didn't even know he was married. I've had many men approach me although they were married. I'm a little paranoid about this due to a girl in my dorm finding out her BF was married so I always probed or background checked before dating. However, if I had taken the guys at face value (no ring) or on their word, there was no reason to believe they were married. Some men will lie about anything if they think it will get them sex. Some women are naive.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 11:07     Subject: DH has affair & baby - did you stay?
I knew one family this happened to
The wife & mistress had daughters 3 weeks apart. They both left him and became friendly the girls went to the same summer camp every year
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 11:05     Subject: Re:DH has affair & baby - did you stay?
A one- time affair in a long and otherwise happy marriage is forgivable. Having a child outside the marriage is not. A child is an extra legal and financial responsibility and creates a permanent tie to the affair partner.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 11:05     Subject: DH has affair & baby - did you stay?
Anonymous wrote:Why?

DH promised that it was mistake and yada yada. But there's a baby. A baby he has to take care of for the next eighteen years...


Oh my god, no. I cannot even imagine. The fact that he was having an affair without a condom and endangering his *wife* is plenty for me...
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 11:03     Subject: DH has affair & baby - did you stay?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know a woman whose husband did this. She decided she had no reason to give up the financial comforts of her marriage. She had her husband push for 50% custody right off the bat. Judge granted visits right away and then overnights once baby was 3 months. She figured the other woman having to drop off her baby to the home of her ex-lover and his wife of 20 years was pretty delicious retribution. (Apparently other woman sobbed every time for literally years). Kid is 10 now and calls the woman "mom"--they have primary custody now. So I guess there's one example.


I'm sure stories about selling her dignity to keep her standard of living and traumatizing a postpartum mother have made your friend highly admired in your community.


Eeeeeeeexactly
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 11:00     Subject: DH has affair & baby - did you stay?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OMG I would NOT stay. Only an idiot would let this happen in the first place (sorry, OP). Having an affair in the first place is a major problem but getting her pregnant? GTFOH.


I'm hoping you realize that once a man ejaculates he has no legal rights as far as a child is concerned. I'll admit the affair is a stupid move on his part but once the sperm is out he can't do a damn thing, condom broke too bad, she "forgot" to take her pill too bad. she could have even grabbed the sperm from a used condom (highly unlikely but possible) too bad.

I'd say the stupidest thing he did was have the affair in the first place, getting her pregnant and keeping the baby to term up was possibly not his choice.



Um, yes, the father DOES have legal rights to his child.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2017 10:58     Subject: DH has affair & baby - did you stay?
Anonymous wrote:OMG I would NOT stay. Only an idiot would let this happen in the first place (sorry, OP). Having an affair in the first place is a major problem but getting her pregnant? GTFOH.


I'm hoping you realize that once a man ejaculates he has no legal rights as far as a child is concerned. I'll admit the affair is a stupid move on his part but once the sperm is out he can't do a damn thing, condom broke too bad, she "forgot" to take her pill too bad. she could have even grabbed the sperm from a used condom (highly unlikely but possible) too bad.

I'd say the stupidest thing he did was have the affair in the first place, getting her pregnant and keeping the baby to term up was possibly not his choice.