Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm trying online dating and had a first date last night. The conversation was great, we spent four hours in a snug small plates place with no lulls and lots of laughs coupled with openness on all topics. He has everything I'm looking for but I didn't really feel any sexual desire of any sort. I did in the week or so of messages before we met. I couldn't imagine sleeping with him but for no obvious reasons.

Does this mean move on or try another date? He's very interested and wanted to schedule a second date when we said goodbye. I'm new to dating in general so I'm not sure what to expect or how to gauge this. Anyone have any similar experiences to share?

I am genuinely curious how you can have all these things that sound very much like a connection (free-flowing conversation, laughter, openness). What is it that takes for you to get sexually interested?

Is he fat or bald? Or ... poor?

Well he was bald but that's not an issue. He kept talking about his empire but that was more of a turn off.

The issues I think of now - he has multiple cats, he talked about some skin thing he has and how he's used steroid cream long term (supposed to be max two weeks) and I was affixing that's a big deal and can cause lots of problems and he said yeah his skin is thinning.

He's 10 years older than me which hasn't been a problem with sexual desire in the past but was more pronounced with this guy (he really looked it).

OP here and just to note I did not write the 'I didn't realize/getting to know/intimate post.

I've slept with someone within hours of meeting them (not online dating and I knew of them a bit through a friend prior). I've wanted to sleep with others. This guy - I couldn't even imagine sex with him let alone want it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why? How am I ruining it for everyone?

You're wasting your dates' time and money.

I didn't realize that getting to know someone before agreeing to be intimate with them was wasting their time. I'm not comfortable with casual sex and I would feel horrible about myself the next day. Your comment reminds me of something a 10th grade boy would say.

For me to be intimate with someone there needs to be both a physical and emotional connection. I haven't found that yet.

Please grow up. You must be one of those asexuals.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I didn't realize that getting to know someone before agreeing to be intimate with them was wasting their time. I'm not comfortable with casual sex and I would feel horrible about myself the next day. Your comment reminds me of something a 10th grade boy would say.

For me to be intimate with someone there needs to be both a physical and emotional connection. I haven't found that yet.

Many people who online date, unlike you, enjoy sex and connections with members of the opposite sex. They're willing to take chances and open their minds to meet new people and experience opportunities.

As opposed to you, just another uber picky broad in DC who's more interested in the ritual of dating (and free dinners and drinks) than the actual goal. You'd be better off trying to meet guys at church sunday schools, library book clubs, knitting clubs, and other locations where people are inclined to be picky in hopes of meeting the ever elusive perfect partner.

Get lost.

You believe the actual goal of online dating is casual sex with new people?

I hope that's in your profile. Otherwise, you might be misleading some women who think the actual goal is to find a long term partner/spouse.

Exactly this. OP, your approach is healthy. If you feel like having a second date please do. Try something more casual (but not at either of your homes), see if chemistry improves. Though it sounds like this isnt a match.

It really bummed me out when I was online dating how many people thought that meant easy sex. Think it's because folks are so lonely and not properly connecting. Casual sex is awesome but it's not always what we're looking for. There are so many nuances to that dynamic. It's twisted people up on their expectation and internalization of how men and women relate, which sucks. Do what's right for you and don't let jaded posters on this board tell you there's something wrong with you. Good luck out there!

The goal of dcum dating is finding a life partner who wants complete sexlessness. Duh. Are you new here?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:bang him - what's the worst that can happen??

AIDS. Or he could have a heart attack and die in the middle of intercourse.

Use a condom, and with regard to the second thing, that would certainly be something to tell the grandkids.

Anonymous wrote:bang him - what's the worst that can happen??

AIDS. Or he could have a heart attack and die in the middle of intercourse.

Anonymous wrote:I'm trying online dating and had a first date last night. The conversation was great, we spent four hours in a snug small plates place with no lulls and lots of laughs coupled with openness on all topics. He has everything I'm looking for but I didn't really feel any sexual desire of any sort. I did in the week or so of messages before we met. I couldn't imagine sleeping with him but for no obvious reasons.

Does this mean move on or try another date? He's very interested and wanted to schedule a second date when we said goodbye. I'm new to dating in general so I'm not sure what to expect or how to gauge this. Anyone have any similar experiences to share?

I am genuinely curious how you can have all these things that sound very much like a connection (free-flowing conversation, laughter, openness). What is it that takes for you to get sexually interested?

Is he fat or bald? Or ... poor?

Is he unattractive? Or just not attractive to you?

Many people who online date, unlike you, enjoy sex and connections with members of the opposite sex. They're willing to take chances and open their minds to meet new people and experience opportunities.

As opposed to you, just another uber picky broad in DC who's more interested in the ritual of dating (and free dinners and drinks) than the actual goal. You'd be better off trying to meet guys at church sunday schools, library book clubs, knitting clubs, and other locations where people are inclined to be picky in hopes of meeting the ever elusive perfect partner.

Get lost.

You believe the actual goal of online dating is casual sex with new people?

I hope that's in your profile. Otherwise, you might be misleading some women who think the actual goal is to find a long term partner/spouse.

The goal is to succeed at finding a partner by taking chances, not waiting for the perfect person. That means dating people who aren't obviously The One after one date, and it even means having sex with someone before you've actually decided you want to grow old with him.

Or do it your way. It's not as if you aren't competing with a lot of other super-picky single women in this area.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I didn't realize that getting to know someone before agreeing to be intimate with them was wasting their time. I'm not comfortable with casual sex and I would feel horrible about myself the next day. Your comment reminds me of something a 10th grade boy would say.

For me to be intimate with someone there needs to be both a physical and emotional connection. I haven't found that yet.

Many people who online date, unlike you, enjoy sex and connections with members of the opposite sex. They're willing to take chances and open their minds to meet new people and experience opportunities.

As opposed to you, just another uber picky broad in DC who's more interested in the ritual of dating (and free dinners and drinks) than the actual goal. You'd be better off trying to meet guys at church sunday schools, library book clubs, knitting clubs, and other locations where people are inclined to be picky in hopes of meeting the ever elusive perfect partner.

Get lost.

You believe the actual goal of online dating is casual sex with new people?

I hope that's in your profile. Otherwise, you might be misleading some women who think the actual goal is to find a long term partner/spouse.

Anonymous wrote:
I didn't realize that getting to know someone before agreeing to be intimate with them was wasting their time. I'm not comfortable with casual sex and I would feel horrible about myself the next day. Your comment reminds me of something a 10th grade boy would say.

For me to be intimate with someone there needs to be both a physical and emotional connection. I haven't found that yet.

Many people who online date, unlike you, enjoy sex and connections with members of the opposite sex. They're willing to take chances and open their minds to meet new people and experience opportunities.

As opposed to you, just another uber picky broad in DC who's more interested in the ritual of dating (and free dinners and drinks) than the actual goal. You'd be better off trying to meet guys at church sunday schools, library book clubs, knitting clubs, and other locations where people are inclined to be picky in hopes of meeting the ever elusive perfect partner.

Get lost.

Move on. Find somebody you are sexually attracted to.
Don't waste his time or yours.

He likely isn't someone you are attracted to, however it wouldn't hurt to have a second date just to see if any spark exists.

Usually by the second date you can get a more realistic picture of who someone is.

Or isn't.

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't just have sex with anyone. Sounds like he does. He's probably got genital herpes.

Move on.