I would tell him that his attitude demonstrates that I need to go out more so that he gets more used to it, and then I would!

Anonymous wrote:Tell him if you get divorced he'll be responsible for your kid 50% of the time solo.

Would you give him gruff if the situation were reversed?

It's "guff" not "gruff".

Why are you so concerned with the social life of a new coworker? There is something weird about this.

Our "going out" schedules are a lot like yours. I tend to have events clustered together so I'll go a month or two between going out and will then have 2 or 3 events in the space of a week or two. DH has regularly (at least weekly) evenings where he goes to events by/for himself. DH never complains and in fact pushes me to go. I'd be pretty annoyed if he started guilting me over it.

I think he's annoyed bc DS has become hard to put to bed.

Your husband could be annoyed for one (or several) of many reasons, as mentioned by PPs. He's used to you going out once every couple of months and then bam! 3x in one week. He's not going to compare how often the two of you go out, see it's fair for you to have one week where you go out three times, suck it up and be happy about it. This would require a lot of generosity of spirit, which very few people have. Three times in one week is a lot, objectively, and especially when he's not used to you going out even once a week. You are using up two of your evenings in one week for someone you just met. I would not be okay with DH going out twice in one week unless it was with a visiting friend he hasn't seen in ages.

If I were you, I would cancel the Friday outing. If I were your DH, I would be pissed, too.

You should have a joint family calendar if you don't already so you don't spring things on each other. You should also go out at least once a month and leave DC with DH ... even if you're just going shopping or something like that. Of course your DH should also have time at least once a month to go out for something non-work related. And while you may think of it as being helpful, avoid the urge to tell your DH how to hand DC.

If it is a rare thing for you to go out, he should not be complaining. It does seem a bit weird that you would want to go out with the same new coworker twice in one week, but you certainly have the right to.


Not the OP but why is it weird to spend two evenings out with the same person? It has nothing to do with that. Your answer is passive-aggressive. First you say he shouldn't be complaining abd then you say it's weird to go out with same person twice. Why is that weird?

Honestly, I would be annoyed if my husband was going out with the same friend two night in a week, absent some special event like the friend's birthday or a concert, and I was alone watching our kids two nights for that reason. I want DH to stay in touch with his friends and maintain friendships, but seeing someone two nights in one week isn't necessary to do that, and I'd likely consider DH to be focusing on the relationship with that friend to the detriment of his responsibilities to our family. If he had two different friends that he wanted to catch up with, and they were both only available in a given week, I'd feel differently. Doesn't seem that complicated.

Anonymous wrote:If it is a rare thing for you to go out, he should not be complaining. It does seem a bit weird that you would want to go out with the same new coworker twice in one week, but you certainly have the right to.

Not the OP but why is it weird to spend two evenings out with the same person? It has nothing to do with that. Your answer is passive-aggressive. First you say he shouldn't be complaining abd then you say it's weird to go out with same person twice. Why is that weird?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So confront him on it.

"Joe, I'm going out with Jane tonight. The last time I went out to do something for myself was 2 months ago. You're complaining and making comments. What's going on?"

Except that she's going out 3 out of 6 nights.

And how many nights is she alone with the kid when he's on business trips? It's his kid too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is his objection? That he's missing you? That he has to be alone with his son? 2.5 is not like a breastfeeding infant. And a toddler goes to bed pretty early. What's his problem, exactly?

Make sure you emphasize to him that this week is unusually busy, and make sure he has the chance to go out and get some "me" time. But get to the bottom of what exactly his specific grievance is. And by the way, he's not "watching" his son. That's what a babysitter does.

Not the OP but duh it's the same objection most DHs have - ithey are scared because they don't know what to do if the kid does not comply and they really just want to relax and not deal with little kid demands because little kid demands are boring and can be exhausting. Most DHs have so little experience with children. So OP should go out and just let her DH deal. It's the only way for it to get better for her DH. He won't do it the way she would if she was home and that's ok.

Why did you rudely say "duh"? How does that add anything constructive? I'm not sure I agree with the idea that "most" husbands are like this, but I do agree that many certainly are.

My question is what her husband's ostensible reason is for objecting? She can address his concerns and then he's left either realizing it's fine or having to openly admit he doesn't want to do the work of parenting.

That's crappy of him IMO. He will be getting some great bonding and 1-1 time with his son! I agree with others, ask why he's objecting to it?? 3 times a week is a lot, I agree. But if it's not a typical arrangement then it should be fine. I go out very rarely on my own but my DH doesn't mind it at all if I decide to go out. I'd be very annoying if he didn't want to be alone with our child for a couple of hours!

If it is a rare thing for you to go out, he should not be complaining. It does seem a bit weird that you would want to go out with the same new coworker twice in one week, but you certainly have the right to.

Tell him if you get divorced he'll be responsible for your kid 50% of the time solo.

Would you give him gruff if the situation were reversed?

How many times a week / month does your DH do fun things in the evening (not work related).

If he also has weeks where he is out 3 times a week just for fun with friends then his complaints are empty.

Also did you discuss these with him and come to an agreement or did you just tell him you would be out Monday, Friday and Saturday and expect him to be fine with that?

I don't know if he is complaining about parenting his son or is he complaining about there being inequality in how often you each get to do things with friends / go out in the evening / have time for yourselves.