Anonymous wrote:I'm curious for those of you whose daughter quit competitive dance, did they quit dance entirely or just the competition part?

Another former Irish dancer mom. I really enjoyed the whole experience and we had lots of fun and made wonderful friends over the years. When it was time to stop I was definitely sad, but in middle school, DD was not advancing as quickly anymore and just got tired of the time demands required to more seriously commit and move up to a higher level of competition. Other interests also started to creep in. DD had started to dance at age 6 until almost age 14, so it was a big part of our family's life for a long time. After the final competition, when DD had made the decision to quit and noticed that I was sad, DD said with a smile, "It's okay. We had a really good run, mom." That moment still makes me smile and I'm glad we can both remember the years of DD's dancing and competing as a positive experience.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At what age did she quit?

My DD is almost 10 and really loves dance. She started with the competitions two years ago and seems like she won't want to stop anytime soon. Right now she dances three nights a week and her studio only participates in two competitions per year, so it isn't all consuming like Dance Moms type of competitions. My DH was commenting tonight that he hopes she quits in another year or so so she can do other activities. My thought is, if she loves dance, let her put her time and energy into dance. One of my friends made the comment that "most of them quit by 7th or 8th grade because they feel like they miss out on time with their friends". I am just curious if this was true for your DD. My DD has made a lot of good friends through dance so she is technically spending time with friends while she is there. Anyway, just curious how it went for your girls.

Mine danced competitively as 5-6 days a week and competition all over the west coast 2 times a month. We didnt see any of them quit because they "missed out"most of their friends danced also. Tell DH the other activities she will pick up after dance is...........boys. He may want to rethink that view. If anything i would find a new studio that does more than two competitions a year if she likes dance. They cannot be very competitive at only two a year. If anything in a year or two they will be getting crushed by teams that compete more and become discouraged. I saw it a lot. People mean well when they say winning isn't everything but no one likes to loseconsistanly. it is soul-crushing.

I never actually answered your question, sorry. My oldest continued and got scholarship offers at USC and UCLA, she chose USC. My middle, in some people opinion the better more athletic powerful dancer got a scholarship to UCLA and chose Cosmetology School.(?????, I know) She stopped dancing, its ok she is doing well and making good money doing what she loves, she is a very aggressive marketer. Like others have said it depends on the child and listen to them. Mine both loved it one continued the other said "done" dropped it and moved on. Each child is different, the old one that continued is more graceful and soft nature works harder to perfect things, maybe thats why she kept going. The younger one was a natural, sleek athletic and powerful, picks up everything very fast. We lived in Las Vegas when she was about ten and had been dancing for 4 years, she and her sister would ice skate some times in the early morning. Surya Bonaly the French skater and her mother who lived in Las Vegas also would be there in the mornings, they saw her a few times skating and were so impressed with her athleticism and power while being graceful at that age they wanted to train her to compete. She had no interest , trained and played around a bit but didnt want to do it. She said it took her over two years to skate with that speed and power and then had to develop the gracefully flow my youngest had naturally, kid didnt want to do. She thought it was boring.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't intend this to be super judgy but why do certain studios make dance competitive? Why can't recitals/performances be enough for the young dancers?

I have wondered the same thing and found that it can be hard to find a place to take dance that doesn't eventually push in this direction because the more you dance, the more costumes you buy, the more money they make. I'm old school; danced every Saturday during the school year with an end of year recital from age 4 to 12. I loved it, and it was everything good about my childhood.

They dance competitively because it is like a sport. Competition pushes people to improve, recitals are more of leisure dance/school events. I find it really strange though that so many dance studio out here compete only twice a year. That seems more like what you were describing, it is in no way competitive dance. At two competitions a year the kids would not have the experience to compete with against teams competing once a month.

Anonymous wrote:I don't intend this to be super judgy but why do certain studios make dance competitive? Why can't recitals/performances be enough for the young dancers?

I have wondered the same thing and found that it can be hard to find a place to take dance that doesn't eventually push in this direction because the more you dance, the more costumes you buy, the more money they make. I'm old school; danced every Saturday during the school year with an end of year recital from age 4 to 12. I loved it, and it was everything good about my childhood.

Anonymous wrote:At what age did she quit?

My DD is almost 10 and really loves dance. She started with the competitions two years ago and seems like she won't want to stop anytime soon. Right now she dances three nights a week and her studio only participates in two competitions per year, so it isn't all consuming like Dance Moms type of competitions. My DH was commenting tonight that he hopes she quits in another year or so so she can do other activities. My thought is, if she loves dance, let her put her time and energy into dance. One of my friends made the comment that "most of them quit by 7th or 8th grade because they feel like they miss out on time with their friends". I am just curious if this was true for your DD. My DD has made a lot of good friends through dance so she is technically spending time with friends while she is there. Anyway, just curious how it went for your girls.

Mine danced competitively as 5-6 days a week and competition all over the west coast 2 times a month. We didnt see any of them quit because they "missed out"most of their friends danced also. Tell DH the other activities she will pick up after dance is...........boys. He may want to rethink that view. If anything i would find a new studio that does more than two competitions a year if she likes dance. They cannot be very competitive at only two a year. If anything in a year or two they will be getting crushed by teams that compete more and become discouraged. I saw it a lot. People mean well when they say winning isn't everything but no one likes to loseconsistanly. it is soul-crushing.

Anonymous wrote:I think the ultimate answer is...let her tell you. When she's ready to stop, she'll tell you. It'll be because her interest has faded and that chapter is over, or it's not worth it to her with schoolwork to juggle, or something else has captivated her interest more. My daughter was a competitive Irish dancer for years. Loved it and was good at it. She was at the point where she was just below the 2 champ levels, and to get those levels required a huge amount of training and hours She hit that crossroad and decided her heart just wasn't into it that much anymore to devote that kind of time and energy and to sacrifice her interest in other things. Happened about the time she started Middle School and got the chance to be in theater. Theater is her big hobby now, inside school and on community theater productions. I could have insisted she stay with irish dance, and it broke my heat to stop, but if her heart wasn't in it anymore, it would have been for me, not her. And she wouldn't have been committed to it, she wouldn't have owned it. She may always like it as a hobby, or she may move on again. It's her time to experiment, figure out who she is and what sparks her heart.

I guess that's the long-winded way of saying...let her drive the boat on interests. That way whatever she decides, she'll own it. If she wants to stay with dance, that's awesome. It defines for her who she is and she loves it. Could be heading to a scholarship and maybe a career path. If she wants to move on to other things and start new chapters, make sure she would feel comfortable admitting it to you if the time comes.

This. You and your husband can decide whether you can afford it and whether it works logistically for your family. But only she can tell whether she wants to do it.

DD now 18 and taking a gap year to continue dance, not competitions though. I'd let your DD decide. Some do give it up or switch to HS dance team etc by middle/high school and some don't.

As far as differences between studios, some kids and/or parents prefer competitions over studios where recitals and performances are the main performing aspects. Studios come in all focuses as every dancer has a different vision of what they like/are good at/drawn to. DD wanted mainly classical ballet training so that has been her route. Some friends switched over to competition studios in jr high and have loved that camaraderie and the variety it allows. Different strokes for different folks.

I don't intend this to be super judgy but why do certain studios make dance competitive? Why can't recitals/performances be enough for the young dancers?

Great thread. My DD is 8 and just started the competitive side of dance (studio also only does 2 competitions). My 2 nieces both dance(d). One stopped after 3 years in 7th grade. She went on to do theater since it was more balanced with her interests of singing and dance. She does art and track and field. My other niece is a junior in HS and has been dancing since as long as I can remember. She does cheer and track and field in school. The balance is hard because dance classes can be on Friday night and what 15-16 yr old wants to miss out on hanging out on a Fri night. I think she's committed until she graduates as she wants the "senior solo" next year. She's extremely good at dance and has always been. I do think it's gotten harder since she started menstrating and her body isn't as lean as it once was (she has always been tall and lanky but now has the hips, etc). Dance has been great exercise for both girls. I'll be interested to see how long my daughter wants to stay as she loves it now. She did soccer at one point but truly loved doing dance more.

Another mother of a former competitive Irish dancer here. She was a competitive dancer from the age of 8 on and stopped everything cold turkey at 15. She was passionately in love with the dance form and saw herself joining a college team and potentially even auditioning to tour professionally in her adult life. She was in the studio 4 days a week, and we were traveling to competitions probably 2 weekends every month. It was hard on her body and mind. She stopped when we realized how terribly toxic her studio and teacher were. She wasn't a "favorite" of the teacher and the constant yelling and fear brought her to a point of near tears on the way to practice something she once loved wholeheartedly. At first we tried switching studios, but she realized it was time to stop when she felt completely burned out by it all and her course load at school really amped up sophomore year.

Stepping out of an environment that we had been so invested in for so long was definitely an adjustment. I will say, the money we've saved because of it has been nice. DD still keeps in touch with some dance friends and follows competition results, but truly, the dance world seems so dramatically removed from real life now.

Your daughter will know when the time is right to stop. It may come early or it may be a decade from now, but she'll know. My DD was so certain she would continue into adulthood but still knew when the time had come to stop, even if it wasn't ideal. Don't be resentful of your experience with dance. There are a lot of lessons to be learned and skills to cherish from it.

Anonymous wrote:Question, and forgive me if this is derailing the thread a bit. But I'm confused about the number of posters who are saying that their daughters attend competitions almost weekly. My daughter's studio only participates in 4 competitions during the school year and nationals in the summer, although the dancers are required to attend practices every Saturday. I thought this was a typical schedule for competition studios. Am I wrong about this?

I'm the OP. Our studio only does two competitions per year, both in the Spring. Every studio is different. Some studios are very competition focused and that is their main thing. Ours is much more laid back and has only been involved in competitions for the past 5 years. There are several around us that are way more competitive, have specific "competition teams", etc. I'm North of Boston (MA) by the way.

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious for those of you whose daughter quit competitive dance, did they quit dance entirely or just the competition part?

In our case with the Irish dancer, it was a progression. When she first started winding it down, she just stopped competing but still stayed in regular class and show team class/performances. That lasted one year. The following year, when it was time to sign up for the school year again, she wanted to stop all together.

Question, and forgive me if this is derailing the thread a bit. But I'm confused about the number of posters who are saying that their daughters attend competitions almost weekly. My daughter's studio only participates in 4 competitions during the school year and nationals in the summer, although the dancers are required to attend practices every Saturday. I thought this was a typical schedule for competition studios. Am I wrong about this?

I'm curious for those of you whose daughter quit competitive dance, did they quit dance entirely or just the competition part?

I think the ultimate answer is...let her tell you. When she's ready to stop, she'll tell you. It'll be because her interest has faded and that chapter is over, or it's not worth it to her with schoolwork to juggle, or something else has captivated her interest more. My daughter was a competitive Irish dancer for years. Loved it and was good at it. She was at the point where she was just below the 2 champ levels, and to get those levels required a huge amount of training and hours She hit that crossroad and decided her heart just wasn't into it that much anymore to devote that kind of time and energy and to sacrifice her interest in other things. Happened about the time she started Middle School and got the chance to be in theater. Theater is her big hobby now, inside school and on community theater productions. I could have insisted she stay with irish dance, and it broke my heat to stop, but if her heart wasn't in it anymore, it would have been for me, not her. And she wouldn't have been committed to it, she wouldn't have owned it. She may always like it as a hobby, or she may move on again. It's her time to experiment, figure out who she is and what sparks her heart.

I guess that's the long-winded way of saying...let her drive the boat on interests. That way whatever she decides, she'll own it. If she wants to stay with dance, that's awesome. It defines for her who she is and she loves it. Could be heading to a scholarship and maybe a career path. If she wants to move on to other things and start new chapters, make sure she would feel comfortable admitting it to you if the time comes.