Anonymous wrote:PP, are you that clueless? Or are you playing games? Do you think everyone with a personality disorder, as well as sociopaths, serial killers, rapists, and thieves wear big shiny buttons with labels for us to see?

What's ironic about your query, ''are you that clueless'' is that apparently you believe people are so clueless that they can't see narcissistic and abusive behavior in someone BEFORE they marry them.

It's a fact that too often women marry men believing they can change them only to find out they were wrong. Men on the other hand marry women believing they will stay the same and they are just as wrong.

PP, are you that clueless? Or are you playing games? Do you think everyone with a personality disorder, as well as sociopaths, serial killers, rapists, and thieves wear big shiny buttons with labels for us to see?

^^^ AND, given that list above my original post still stands...how do you marry someone as the OP described.

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Anonymous wrote:When ever I see a subject line like this I can't help but wonder how anyone ever marries a cheating abusive narcissistic bully. The cheating might not be evident but the rest should be.

Narcissists are manipulative charmers.

This. They are heavily invested in having a good facade and work hard to make people think they're great. It can take years for the mask to slip. And then at first, you make excuses. Later you feel trapped or beaten down.

I do believe you people need to learn what a narcissist is.

"Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultraconfidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism."

I do believe we know exactly what we're talking about. You can google your little heart out for simplistic definitions, though, if it makes you feel better.

So basically you can apply whatever label you want on a person even if it isn't appropriate. Doesn't change the facts or definition. A narcissist is a person that is self involved. Most don't give a damn about charming someone but they sure as hell care about their own needs over others. And as it relates to the OP, how does one miss that about a person before marrying them. Even if they tried to cover that up there will be many examples to expose the trait unless someone isn't really accepting of reality.

Hi dummy. Check out the DSM-5 for the definition of narcissistic personality disorder, and you'll realize you stupid you sound criticizing OP. You don't know what you're talking about.

DSM-5 criteria for narcissistic personality disorder include these features:

Having an exaggerated sense of self-importance
Expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
Exaggerating your achievements and talents
Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
Believing that you are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people
Requiring constant admiration
Having a sense of entitlement
Expecting special favors and unquestioning compliance with your expectations
Taking advantage of others to get what you want
Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
Being envious of others and believing others envy you
Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner

Damn but that is a total formula for charming...

He's such a narcissist and we were codependent in a toxic relationship filled with emotional abuse. Where did Jesus fit in you ask? I never thought of that.

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Anonymous wrote:When ever I see a subject line like this I can't help but wonder how anyone ever marries a cheating abusive narcissistic bully. The cheating might not be evident but the rest should be.

Narcissists are manipulative charmers.

This. They are heavily invested in having a good facade and work hard to make people think they're great. It can take years for the mask to slip. And then at first, you make excuses. Later you feel trapped or beaten down.

I do believe you people need to learn what a narcissist is.

"Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultraconfidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism."

I do believe we know exactly what we're talking about. You can google your little heart out for simplistic definitions, though, if it makes you feel better.

So basically you can apply whatever label you want on a person even if it isn't appropriate. Doesn't change the facts or definition. A narcissist is a person that is self involved. Most don't give a damn about charming someone but they sure as hell care about their own needs over others. And as it relates to the OP, how does one miss that about a person before marrying them. Even if they tried to cover that up there will be many examples to expose the trait unless someone isn't really accepting of reality.

Hi dummy. Check out the DSM-5 for the definition of narcissistic personality disorder, and you'll realize you stupid you sound criticizing OP. You don't know what you're talking about.

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Anonymous wrote:When ever I see a subject line like this I can't help but wonder how anyone ever marries a cheating abusive narcissistic bully. The cheating might not be evident but the rest should be.

Narcissists are manipulative charmers.

This. They are heavily invested in having a good facade and work hard to make people think they're great. It can take years for the mask to slip. And then at first, you make excuses. Later you feel trapped or beaten down.

I do believe you people need to learn what a narcissist is.

"Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultraconfidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism."

I do believe we know exactly what we're talking about. You can google your little heart out for simplistic definitions, though, if it makes you feel better.

So basically you can apply whatever label you want on a person even if it isn't appropriate. Doesn't change the facts or definition. A narcissist is a person that is self involved. Most don't give a damn about charming someone but they sure as hell care about their own needs over others. And as it relates to the OP, how does one miss that about a person before marrying them. Even if they tried to cover that up there will be many examples to expose the trait unless someone isn't really accepting of reality.

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Anonymous wrote:When ever I see a subject line like this I can't help but wonder how anyone ever marries a cheating abusive narcissistic bully. The cheating might not be evident but the rest should be.

Narcissists are manipulative charmers.

This.

Everyone loved my ex, a diagnosed NPD, suspected sociopath. Everyone was shocked when they heard about our divorce.

They are charmers for sure. And typically very successful people.

I'd suggest starting with this one;

Anonymous wrote:Melania, is that you?

Oh.My.God. This was MY line! Including punctuation!?!

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Anonymous wrote:When ever I see a subject line like this I can't help but wonder how anyone ever marries a cheating abusive narcissistic bully. The cheating might not be evident but the rest should be.

Narcissists are manipulative charmers.

This. They are heavily invested in having a good facade and work hard to make people think they're great. It can take years for the mask to slip. And then at first, you make excuses. Later you feel trapped or beaten down.

I do believe you people need to learn what a narcissist is.

"Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultraconfidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism."

I do believe we know exactly what we're talking about. You can google your little heart out for simplistic definitions, though, if it makes you feel better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When ever I see a subject line like this I can't help but wonder how anyone ever marries a cheating abusive narcissistic bully. The cheating might not be evident but the rest should be.

Narcissists are manipulative charmers.

This.

Anonymous wrote:It's only gotten worse since I left. ANY books and resources you can recommend would be appreciated. TIA.

Cut all ties with him. Otherwise how can it get worse?

If you have kids only meet in neutral areas for exchanges. Move on.

Melania, is that you?

Having done a lot of reading to cope with my Narcissist girlfriend, textbooks will tell you that NPDs (after charming the shit out of you to "set the hook" and reassure their esteem-less selves that they are indeed powerfully attractive), will put you through cycle after cycle of rapture and hell as they emotionally pull you toward them, creating a vulnerability within you, and then discard you out of contempt for that very weakness and vulnerability that they invited. And they get satisfaction (power) out of seeing the destruction they were able to cause. Like a harmonica that makes music whether you blow it or suck it, they get Narcissistic fuel whether the relationship is going well or not. They just need an instrument to play. The bullying is only the false expression of power to hide their incredibly fragile true self hiding beneath. If you're getting a divorce, consider yourself lucky for breaking the cycle.