Anonymous
07/26/2017 06:32
Subject: Re:Spouse not who you thought he was
Anonymous wrote:OP your expectations are unrealistic or you are incredibly materialistic. I suggest you do what you need to in order to make bank and do some introspection on gratitude and happiness.
82k at 28 is an excellent salary for many ppl. Including ivy grads. One of my classmates is a billionaire. Like one of the richest ppl in the world. Not any more or less happy than most of us.
If I was OP's DH I might be wondering if she is a person of any substance or character who can go the distance in life and bring abundance and happiness into our lives together, or just venal, grasping, completely materialistic and without any sense of proportion or perspective. Hopefully you will grow up soon.
Anonymous
07/26/2017 04:52
Subject: Re:Spouse not who you thought he was
OP your expectations are unrealistic or you are incredibly materialistic. I suggest you do what you need to in order to make bank and do some introspection on gratitude and happiness.
82k at 28 is an excellent salary for many ppl. Including ivy grads. One of my classmates is a billionaire. Like one of the richest ppl in the world. Not any more or less happy than most of us.
82k at 28 is an excellent salary for many ppl. Including ivy grads. One of my classmates is a billionaire. Like one of the richest ppl in the world. Not any more or less happy than most of us.
Anonymous
07/25/2017 20:08
Subject: Re:Spouse not who you thought he was
taketothebank wrote:Married 11 years, 3 kids and then she decided she is gay
Wow. Sorry to hear this. Are you divorced now?
Yes - divorced. Not possible to stay married.
Anonymous
07/25/2017 19:29
Subject: Re:Spouse not who you thought he was
Anonymous wrote:This is OP...I feel stupid since I feel i misread situations early in our dating and came to flattering conclusions.
Such as:
- Texts mom in the middle of a party: I thought aw how sweet! He is family oriented - turns out his mother is controlling and codependent
- Wears nice clothes and shoes: I thought wow he must come from a good family - his mom picked out his clothes to portray a certain image
- Graduated from an IVY and we met at a competitive internship: I thought he was hardworking and ambitious - turns out he is academically gifted but has little career skills or ambition
So now I sometimes wonder how did I get here with someone who I share little with
Well, it's your fault. You saw what you wanted to see.
Anonymous
07/25/2017 19:24
Subject: Spouse not who you thought he was
These are things you would have found out while dating. I'm not sure why you didn't see it before you got married.
taketothebank
07/25/2017 18:05
Subject: Re:Spouse not who you thought he was
Married 11 years, 3 kids and then she decided she is gay
Wow. Sorry to hear this. Are you divorced now?
Anonymous
07/25/2017 16:59
Subject: Re:Spouse not who you thought he was
Married 11 years, 3 kids and then she decided she is gay
Anonymous
07/25/2017 15:57
Subject: Spouse not who you thought he was
So make more money. Why is this his problem? He makes plenty of money.
Anonymous
07/25/2017 15:39
Subject: Re:Spouse not who you thought he was
1. My spouse is a once a week kind of guy. He showed his true colors during dating but I believed his excuses at the time
2. Spouse has been caught since married numerous times reaching out to single women, especially when he's drunk. I didn't catch him doing this when dating
3. Spouse is very materialistic and into appearances. When dating I thought he just dressed well and appreciated the finer things in life.
4. Spouse was faithful when dating and never admitted he cheated on his first wife. He cheated on me.
5. Spouse was fun when dating. Now I realize he's a functioning alcoholic and he's a nightmare to be around when he's drunk and something is going wrong in his life.
6. Spouse said his family was crazy when we were dating. Later I discovered he is two faced and he is responsible for a lot of the drama with his parents and brother.
Seems like these are all cases of me overlooking something when dating because I thought I was in love.
2. Spouse has been caught since married numerous times reaching out to single women, especially when he's drunk. I didn't catch him doing this when dating
3. Spouse is very materialistic and into appearances. When dating I thought he just dressed well and appreciated the finer things in life.
4. Spouse was faithful when dating and never admitted he cheated on his first wife. He cheated on me.
5. Spouse was fun when dating. Now I realize he's a functioning alcoholic and he's a nightmare to be around when he's drunk and something is going wrong in his life.
6. Spouse said his family was crazy when we were dating. Later I discovered he is two faced and he is responsible for a lot of the drama with his parents and brother.
Seems like these are all cases of me overlooking something when dating because I thought I was in love.
Anonymous
07/25/2017 15:19
Subject: Spouse not who you thought he was
Anonymous wrote:Yes, found out DH has a sex addiction and is now going to be a soon Ex-DH.
See...you have problems. You have a situation that stinks. I'm sorry that you're going through that.
OP has a spouse who adores her and earns $82k / year at 28, and that's the big issue. So...sorry OP. No sympathy from me.
Anonymous
07/25/2017 15:16
Subject: Spouse not who you thought he was
Yes, found out DH has a sex addiction and is now going to be a soon Ex-DH.
Anonymous
07/25/2017 14:48
Subject: Re:Spouse not who you thought he was
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He is VERY nice. Treats me incredibly well. He does work hard at his career but in a low pay/low prestige job and I am stressed about how we will make it work in this city.
what's low pay? whats your salary?
post pdh, I was making low 60s until I was in my late 30s in a high prestige but low pay environment. DH was making 75k at 40. We managed well.
Now, mid 40s I make double that. DH also doubled his salary between age 40 and 50. We both made some strategic moves.
We are 28.
He makes 82k
I make 65k.
so put your skills and talents to use and go out and make a killing. he can stay home (if and when you decide to have kids) and you can be bread winner.
Anonymous
07/25/2017 14:47
Subject: Re:Spouse not who you thought he was
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He is VERY nice. Treats me incredibly well. He does work hard at his career but in a low pay/low prestige job and I am stressed about how we will make it work in this city.
what's low pay? whats your salary?
post pdh, I was making low 60s until I was in my late 30s in a high prestige but low pay environment. DH was making 75k at 40. We managed well.
Now, mid 40s I make double that. DH also doubled his salary between age 40 and 50. We both made some strategic moves.
We are 28.
He makes 82k
I make 65k.
Dang girl. You have high expectations. Might be time to temper. If you are not a troll, that is.
Anonymous
07/25/2017 14:31
Subject: Re:Spouse not who you thought he was
Anonymous wrote:He is VERY nice. Treats me incredibly well. He does work hard at his career but in a low pay/low prestige job and I am stressed about how we will make it work in this city.
what's low pay? whats your salary?
post pdh, I was making low 60s until I was in my late 30s in a high prestige but low pay environment. DH was making 75k at 40. We managed well.
Now, mid 40s I make double that. DH also doubled his salary between age 40 and 50. We both made some strategic moves.
We are 28.
He makes 82k
I make 65k.
Anonymous
07/25/2017 14:04
Subject: Spouse not who you thought he was
Anonymous wrote:
I'm in the more common scenario that little faults which were barely noticeable when we lived just the two of us without much responsibility have snowballed into really big ones when you factor in kids and mortgage, etc.
Me too. And probably red flags I noticed but chose to ignore.