Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen it with younger siblings or the least intelligent sibling. People get used to patterns and hierarchy.

I'm the oldest, the most educated and the smartest by far (undisputed). It happened anyway. I think it's more that people want to put others down so they can feel superior. If they need to treat you the way they did when you were 10 years old in order to do that, then that's what some people will do.

That's how my parents are. It's all they have left. It kills them I lead a different life. These types of people love to see you trip and fall just for the gratification they'll get from telling you "I told you so." I have to be careful around my parents and never look weak because they will pounce on it.

Yes, this is a great way to describe it. There are people who dislike you so much for having a different life/different priorities/etc. that they are just looking for a reason to take a swing at you. It's sad, but, if you recognize that sort of pettiness, you can avoid sharing enough to give them ammo. (And then, of course, they will complain that you never tell them anything.)

PP here. That's my mom.she's always fishing for stuff and will ask questions in hopes of drawing negative information out of you. The moment you complain it opens the door for her. She wants you to confide and share in the name of having a "close-knit" family but will weaponize the info when it suits her, i.e. You said you didn't like this or that,I remember, see I was right...

Yes, this is what my aunt does. She wants you to confide, and then when she gets angry or disappointed she can not control you, she then weaponizes the info and talks to any family member willing to listen. I stopped confiding in my parents and aunt years ago, for this reason.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm the oldest, the most educated and the smartest by far (undisputed). It happened anyway. I think it's more that people want to put others down so they can feel superior. If they need to treat you the way they did when you were 10 years old in order to do that, then that's what some people will do.

That's how my parents are. It's all they have left. It kills them I lead a different life. These types of people love to see you trip and fall just for the gratification they'll get from telling you "I told you so." I have to be careful around my parents and never look weak because they will pounce on it.

YES! This is exactly it. NP. I've been able to change the behavior of a few relatives (e.g., an aunt and uncle) but even they tend to slip back into treating me like a 10yo who can't do anything right.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen it with younger siblings or the least intelligent sibling. People get used to patterns and hierarchy.

I'm the oldest, the most educated and the smartest by far (undisputed). It happened anyway. I think it's more that people want to put others down so they can feel superior. If they need to treat you the way they did when you were 10 years old in order to do that, then that's what some people will do.

That's how my parents are. It's all they have left. It kills them I lead a different life. These types of people love to see you trip and fall just for the gratification they'll get from telling you "I told you so." I have to be careful around my parents and never look weak because they will pounce on it.

Yes, this is a great way to describe it. There are people who dislike you so much for having a different life/different priorities/etc. that they are just looking for a reason to take a swing at you. It's sad, but, if you recognize that sort of pettiness, you can avoid sharing enough to give them ammo. (And then, of course, they will complain that you never tell them anything.)

PP here. That's my mom.she's always fishing for stuff and will ask questions in hopes of drawing negative information out of you. The moment you complain it opens the door for her. She wants you to confide and share in the name of having a "close-knit" family but will weaponize the info when it suits her, i.e. You said you didn't like this or that,I remember, see I was right...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen it with younger siblings or the least intelligent sibling. People get used to patterns and hierarchy.

I'm the oldest, the most educated and the smartest by far (undisputed). It happened anyway. I think it's more that people want to put others down so they can feel superior. If they need to treat you the way they did when you were 10 years old in order to do that, then that's what some people will do.

That's how my parents are. It's all they have left. It kills them I lead a different life. These types of people love to see you trip and fall just for the gratification they'll get from telling you "I told you so." I have to be careful around my parents and never look weak because they will pounce on it.

Yes, this is a great way to describe it. There are people who dislike you so much for having a different life/different priorities/etc. that they are just looking for a reason to take a swing at you. It's sad, but, if you recognize that sort of pettiness, you can avoid sharing enough to give them ammo. (And then, of course, they will complain that you never tell them anything.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen it with younger siblings or the least intelligent sibling. People get used to patterns and hierarchy.

I'm the oldest, the most educated and the smartest by far (undisputed). It happened anyway. I think it's more that people want to put others down so they can feel superior. If they need to treat you the way they did when you were 10 years old in order to do that, then that's what some people will do.

That's how my parents are. It's all they have left. It kills them I lead a different life. These types of people love to see you trip and fall just for the gratification they'll get from telling you "I told you so." I have to be careful around my parents and never look weak because they will pounce on it.

Slighted my sister yesterday as she tried to dominate me in front of my son. She looked so surprised. She tried to control my conversation with him and I repeatedly put my hand up in her direction as I spoke to him. She needed to be taken down a few pegs.

Anonymous wrote:Pp, good advice but not everyone can be that quick with comebacks

That's the thing - you don't need a comeback. You simply say nothing, turn and walk away.

There is tremendous power in not responding in these situations and few people realize this.

The other person is expecting the engagement. They have the entire scenario mapped out in their own mind. When you walk away, you disrupt this. It throws them off. Again, in families situations like this, it is the little things that add up over time that helps move people on from their entrenched vision and idea of you.

Anonymous wrote:adult or teen?
I am having this trouble where family speaks to me like an idiot in public. That discourse became a habit when I was a very insecure teen and young adult.
Strangely, I am still insecure, but confident or really just brave and have done well professionally. They dismiss my success as luck and still look down at me. Some actually "demand' money from me when they need it.
This came to light when coworkers pointed out that they noticed a bizarre relationship between myself and some siblings.
It is easy to keep my relatives away from co workers, but not so easy to keep them away from my kids.

Yes, my uncle who has self-claimed the role of family patriarch in the absence of our grandfather (his father). He's always been condescending and a know-it-all, and talks to me like I don't know anything. He loves to claim the moral high ground on everything and judge everyone's choices that may not line up with his own. He felt necessary to weigh in -in a letter to her, no less- to another family member who had a child "out of wedlock", expressing his shock and disappointment. This was not even his child. When he came to visit a few years back, he commented that the area I live in in VA was not up to his standards as "there's not a lot here." Put aside that such a comment is just plain rude, he lives in a crumbling shell of a city outside Cleveland. He's an insufferable dick.

As an adult, this type of behavior hasn't gone over well with me. Mercifully, I live 8 hours away from him so contact is limited. But, even when around him, I mostly take evasive maneuvers to avoid arguments. But, when he crosses a line, I tell him so.

Pp, good advice but not everyone can be that quick with comebacks

Anonymous wrote:adult or teen?
I am having this trouble where family speaks to me like an idiot in public. That discourse became a habit when I was a very insecure teen and young adult.
Strangely, I am still insecure, but confident or really just brave and have done well professionally. They dismiss my success as luck and still look down at me. Some actually "demand' money from me when they need it.
This came to light when coworkers pointed out that they noticed a bizarre relationship between myself and some siblings.
It is easy to keep my relatives away from co workers, but not so easy to keep them away from my kids.

You don't act different, so they don't act different,
You fall into the same pattern and expected role when you are with them.

Speak up when someone treats you poorly. Learn to call them out on it firmly. Cut off people mid sentence if they are trying to guilt trip you by telling them laughing at their nonsense. Learn to walk away from conversations you are not interested in.
Don't share too much info.
Don't answer rude questions.
Ask rude questions of those who are rude to you.
Greet the person first loudly and with over enthusiasm, don't let them speak, and then walk away.

It's all the very little things that you do in these situations that add up. They make you feel more secure and they send a signal to the other person that ther had been a shift.