Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All SAHMs and folks considering becoming SAHMs should read this thread.

OP here and I fully agree. I moved overseas for his career, which is thriving. He was financially controlling, emotionally abusive, and he cheated, which I found out about when I was pregnant with our second child. I had no meaningful employment opportunities there. He's given me $200 since I left and I am scrambling. Meanwhile he's a GS-12, owns a home and two cars - and I'm applying for public assistance.

When we got married I put all of my love and trust into him. I was a fool.

I'm sorry for your experience, OP, and I agree that it's worth considering this as a risk, but it's also unfair to claim that all SAHMs are somehow being irresponsible. I'm a SAHM and have a fantastic, supportive DH who has encouraged me to seek out the opportunities I've wanted and needed to do to keep up some former work connections I had so that some day I can go back to work more easily. We didn't move overseas, so I wasn't isolated and have had opportunities to get involved in some things that I couldn't have done otherwise while working and will ultimately open some new doors for me. If DH and I did split up, I have family that I know would be supportive, and I have enough experience and connections to make it work. Would it be really hard? Yes, but it would work, and it would be really hard even if I were working FT.

I agree with much that has been said. I have a similar degree to you and am a SAHM now, but I know I could get a job in marketing/communications that pays more than $9/hour, even without much recent experience. Where are you going to live if you're not going to DC? Apply to any and all communication-related jobs you can find. They should pay more than that, even if it's entry-level. If you have friends or connections anywhere, talk to them immediately and ask them for help.

A job at a college is a great idea, if you can get one, and as a result, you might be able to get reduced tuition and/or support for attending a nursing program, but I wouldn't stress about that right now. I would get a decent-paying job wherever you can to get some experience on your resume so that you can start applying for this sort of job in a year or so, when you're more settled and have an idea of how things are going to look financially long-term.

I agree that it makes no sense that your ex-DH can't be required to pay child support. There's something you aren't telling us about this. Pursue this further, and if nothing else, make it scary enough to him that he does it out of fear of getting into trouble.

I would get back on your feet with a job that is reliable and pays decently and then start figuring out the nursing degree and the rest of your life. Don't rush it. You have a degree and should be able to do something to make ends meet until you can get working on the rest of your life. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:All SAHMs and folks considering becoming SAHMs should read this thread.

OP here and I fully agree. I moved overseas for his career, which is thriving. He was financially controlling, emotionally abusive, and he cheated, which I found out about when I was pregnant with our second child. I had no meaningful employment opportunities there. He's given me $200 since I left and I am scrambling. Meanwhile he's a GS-12, owns a home and two cars - and I'm applying for public assistance.

When we got married I put all of my love and trust into him. I was a fool.

But why go into debt if you don't have to?

Going into debt for a nursing degree is not the same as going into debt for a liberal arts degree! You will find a job the instant you graduate!

Live off grants and loans until you finish your nursing degree. Your kids will be older when you finish and nursing is an in demand field and always will be. Look for a program that has subsidized training - and get your RN before you go on to your BS and Masters.

All SAHMs and folks considering becoming SAHMs should read this thread.

Anonymous wrote:Find something that pays more than $9/ hr for starters. Fcps bus drivers start at $18/hr.

This OP. I don't know where you are but many no skill jobs start at least $12 an hour.

I'd reevaluate how you re applying for jobs. You might be selling yourself short.

Since you have communications degree and I'm assuming some recent experience since your oldest is at most 5 you should try for a job

in one of the following.

1. Marketing for a college or hospital

2. Health Communications position
3. Research Admin/Coordinator.

It's not a ton of money but you can easily start at about $50k with just a degree and minimum experience.

But it's better than $9 an hour, you'll have benefits and many places especially hospitals and colleges have onsite daycares for their employees.

So you already have a degree and could get a reasonable white-collar job but you think right now when your entire life in in flux is the time to live off of student loans? No wonder your mom isn't interested in supporting you.

OP makes no sense. If he works for DOD, with a court order they can garnish his wages.

Find something that pays more than $9/ hr for starters. Fcps bus drivers start at $18/hr.

Do you have a child support order from a US court? I would be shocked if that could not be enforced through garnishment of his federal wages and benefits. When my mother got a separation order - granted my father was here not in another country - the money was sent directly to her bank account before he ever got it. In other words, his employer cut her a check directly. In fact, to this day, 20 years later, she still gets a portion of his retirement benefit directly. Is the issue that you can't get a court order because he's overseas now? Won't he come back on home leave?

#3 - look into programs that subsidize a nursing degree

YES.

NURSE Corp or National Health Service Corps.

https://bhw.hrsa.gov/loansscholarships/nursecorps/scholarship

https://nhsc.hrsa.gov/scholarships/

Many states also have loan repayment and/or scholarship programs for health professions training.

I'd pursue the child support order I'd I were you. Hopefully it shames him into providing for his kids. If it ends up being unenforceable and he doesn't comply on his own, maybe it will put you in a better position for back child support when he returns to the states.

I think nursing is a great job. Shift work sucks but you will also have some flexibility because there are nursing jobs everywhere. I have nurse friends who love their jobs. But now may not be the best time to go back to school. I recommend getting a job first, getting on your feet and then make a plan to go back to school. Don't make a rash decision that would put you into thousands of dollars of debt. Nursing is a great profession but you won't become rich. To completely carry a whole family and school costs with loans will mean you'd be paying them back for decades. Also look in to how much assistance you'd qualify for. As one of the posters indicated, some of your loan money would count as income for government programs.

Does your mom have money to help you out and just won't? Or is she cash strapped herself. I know my mom is, but she loves taking care of her granddaughter. Maybe she could babysit or make meals or something? What about your ex's parents? Are they still interested in having a good relationship with you and their grandkids. They may help you too.