Anonymous
Post 07/18/2017 19:34     Subject: Question about grandparents
No. She likes to point out that when I was a child she told me not to do something once, and I never did it again. They also spanked us.
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2017 19:11     Subject: Question about grandparents
My mom does critique some when visiting and we butt heads when she does. For instance, my mom will let the kids have snacks as much as they want and I have found that if they snack too much they don't eat the substantial meal-time food as well (bulk of their nutrition) and this past visit she balked and fed them snacks (pretzels, cheese crackers) behind my back and said I was the reason one of my kids is thin!! Well I'd rather said child eat their chicken, veggies etc than all the pretzels! Drives me crazy.
But, she did text me that I am a wonderful mother after she left - and she genuinely loves being with the kids so I bite my tongue.
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2017 16:37     Subject: Question about grandparents
Anonymous wrote:My mother is just so naturally negative that she thinks of the worst possible outcomes, motivations, reasons, etc for everything. I know it's not me-specific, but it is so annoying and I feel like it makes every interaction a fight, because I just cannot take it after awhile. DD was slow to crawl (that means she's dyslexic!). DD had a cold 3 days before we were supposed to go on vacation (she'll probably get a fever tomorrow and then you'll have to cancel the trip!). DD doesn't know all of her letters at 2.5 (she'll be a late reader! you knew all your letters! what are you doing to fix this!). DD runs to DH and/or I when we get home (I tried to read to her but she's just not interested in reading!). DS hurt his leg as an infant pretty badly -- but is fine now (you'll never know later on when he has problems if this is why!). DD was scared of the pool last summer (she'll never learn to swim!). DD loves the pool this summer (she's going to drown since she doesn't understand the danger!). DD will be starting pre-k full time in August (full time? she'll probably hate school now! you started part-time and loved it!). Even DD is extremely verbal for her age (she'll develop slower in other areas because she's so fixated on learning new vocabulary!).


Sis?
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2017 14:53     Subject: Re:Question about grandparents
My mom praises me all the time, even though I parent quite a bit differently than she did. I actually think it's why she praises me. Then again, she parented tremendously differently from her own parents. She was a very good mom, and overcame some terrible parenting on the part of my poor, overstressed grandparents, who became parents in their teens. However (d/t fear of poverty), she worked 90 hours per week-- and I SAH/WAH. Plus, as noted earlier, I think some is also that I parent somewhat from research/books, as did she. And she's a scientist and can appreciate how conventional wisdom changes and new research uncovers better methods, blah blah blah. I think it makes her feel a little insecure at times, but not really defensive-- not as many people describe or I've witnessed among other grandmothers.
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2017 14:48     Subject: Question about grandparents
My parents both attribute the kids' intelligence and good manners to the fact that I stay at home. I think that's the only praise I've gotten.
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2017 14:43     Subject: Question about grandparents
No. But I don't think I'm doing a very good job, so there's that.
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2017 14:40     Subject: Question about grandparents
Within the past 2 years (DS is 8) my parents have both started praising my parenting skills. I have to admit it feels nice and is much better than the criticism and judgement I used to get.
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2017 14:35     Subject: Question about grandparents
Interesting, my foreign born mom (Austria) makes comments all the time but I don't take them seriously. "You need to leave his diaper off for long periods of time to air him out," "your strict schedule is going to make them anal," "why do they go to bed so early?", "you guys never got away with not eating your dinner." My MIL tells my DH all the time that he's a great dad. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure she's told me I'm a great mom..
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2017 14:22     Subject: Question about grandparents
My mom tells me and all our friends and family that I am a great mom all the time. We unexpectedly had our first very young and then waited a bit longer to have our second. We are about to start trying for our third, and I am 30. My MIL mostly gushes about how my DH is an amazing father and probably could do a little less with all the BFing and homemade organic baby food but whatever! Not my problem
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2017 14:09     Subject: Question about grandparents
My mother is just so naturally negative that she thinks of the worst possible outcomes, motivations, reasons, etc for everything. I know it's not me-specific, but it is so annoying and I feel like it makes every interaction a fight, because I just cannot take it after awhile. DD was slow to crawl (that means she's dyslexic!). DD had a cold 3 days before we were supposed to go on vacation (she'll probably get a fever tomorrow and then you'll have to cancel the trip!). DD doesn't know all of her letters at 2.5 (she'll be a late reader! you knew all your letters! what are you doing to fix this!). DD runs to DH and/or I when we get home (I tried to read to her but she's just not interested in reading!). DS hurt his leg as an infant pretty badly -- but is fine now (you'll never know later on when he has problems if this is why!). DD was scared of the pool last summer (she'll never learn to swim!). DD loves the pool this summer (she's going to drown since she doesn't understand the danger!). DD will be starting pre-k full time in August (full time? she'll probably hate school now! you started part-time and loved it!). Even DD is extremely verbal for her age (she'll develop slower in other areas because she's so fixated on learning new vocabulary!).
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2017 13:20     Subject: Question about grandparents
Anonymous wrote:Eastern European? I only ask because my mom is like that, and it got worse with my DD, DS can do no wrong. And we are Eastern European.


Ehh, we are Eastern European and my Mom tells me I am a good mother all the time and treats both DD and DS equally. (Though she has plenty of comments on how child rearing should go, of course.) It's not always cultural, some people are just grumpy.
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2017 13:19     Subject: Question about grandparents
My parents aren't specifically critical but they will never come out and say "you are a great parent". Even if they feel that way. Most of the time it's suggestions or questions which are aimed to change behavior or fix a problem that the perceive exists. It's annoying but it's also totally cultural (Russian). I'm with the other PP, if I ever get a direct compliment, I'd be extremely shocked!
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2017 13:16     Subject: Question about grandparents
Anonymous wrote:Eastern European? I only ask because my mom is like that, and it got worse with my DD, DS can do no wrong. And we are Eastern European.


LOL. So true. Same here. Compliments are hard to get in this culture.
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2017 12:20     Subject: Re:Question about grandparents
My dad tells me all the time that my husband and I are doing a great job raising our girls. My mom has never met them. My MIL says nice things about them but never attributes any of it to us. My FIL has never said a word to me about them.
Anonymous
Post 07/18/2017 12:09     Subject: Re:Question about grandparents
Anonymous wrote:Op here. To answer the PP's question - my mom is from Germany. Interesting that all responses were consistent with my experience.

My German MIL is pretty positive to my face although she is a deeply critical person so I think she was hard on her daughter whose kids are nearly grown now. She's also old (dh was a late in life surprise) so she may have mellowed. I do think that my naturally straightforward, WYSIWYG temperament has made our relationship work. I unintentionally called her out several times early on and she got the hint that if she says something mean, I'm going to look her in the eyes and say: that hurt me, why would you say something like that? Of course, the baggage with your own mom is harder to overcome. As always, work on yourself cause ain't nobody else gonna change for you.