Anonymous wrote:This is weird. A 20 year old is an adult. Why would you even be involved? At 20, my kids were living hundreds of miles away in a college dorm.

In the summer?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with 12:14. If the child purchased it him/herself, or if it was a gift, or if it is underwear, then it is his or hers. But if it was purchased with parental money then the child should be gracious enough to share. That doesn't mean that the garment can be mistreated or poorly used. And it does mean that the garment needs to be cleaned before it is returned in the condition in which it was received. Also, you can't take the shirt of the other person's back nor the shoes off of her feet.

Prom dress bought with Mom's credit card? Shared. Hello Kitty t-shirt received as a birthday gift from Aunt Margo? Not shared. Jack Rogers sandals? Shared. Fluffy bunny slippers that she got for Christmas? Not shared.

That is crazy.
If I buy dd1 something it is for her.
And I darn sure am not making them share shoes.

Yes. Totally crazy. Everyone s entitled to their own space and things. I just can't see the 16 year old taking good care of things like a 20 year old would, and I can't imagine the resulting necessity for mom to be involved.

Shared things are fine, too. But that has to be made clear up front.

As for the 29 year old in question.... time to find a way to live where you are not infantilized.

My girls are younger than yours. 14 and a12. We just had this conversation at our house. Our family decided the sisters must ask and each has the right to say no. If sister1 is not reachable sister2 may ask me and I can make the decision. I usually will give permission to borrow unless it is an expensive of particularly favorite item. Yoga pants, yes. Nice jewelry, no. They are ok with this because I have proven myself fair and of sound judgement. They know it works in both of their favors.
If I buy an item sister1 outgrows, It is my right to decide what happens with it--it goes to the younger. This includes formal wear and shoes.
If they buy something with their own money they can give it to a friend.
I tried to reason with them with "you actually have two closets if you decide to share" argument but neither is seeing reason right now.
I do not force sharing. when my girls are 16, 18 and 20, I'm gonna be like, bye, Don't interrupt my Netflix for this ridiculousness.

No.

Anonymous wrote:I'm with 12:14. If the child purchased it him/herself, or if it was a gift, or if it is underwear, then it is his or hers. But if it was purchased with parental money then the child should be gracious enough to share. That doesn't mean that the garment can be mistreated or poorly used. And it does mean that the garment needs to be cleaned before it is returned in the condition in which it was received. Also, you can't take the shirt of the other person's back nor the shoes off of her feet.

Prom dress bought with Mom's credit card? Shared. Hello Kitty t-shirt received as a birthday gift from Aunt Margo? Not shared. Jack Rogers sandals? Shared. Fluffy bunny slippers that she got for Christmas? Not shared.

That is crazy.
If I buy dd1 something it is for her.
And I darn sure am not making them share shoes.

I'm with 12:14. If the child purchased it him/herself, or if it was a gift, or if it is underwear, then it is his or hers. But if it was purchased with parental money then the child should be gracious enough to share. That doesn't mean that the garment can be mistreated or poorly used. And it does mean that the garment needs to be cleaned before it is returned in the condition in which it was received. Also, you can't take the shirt of the other person's back nor the shoes off of her feet.

Prom dress bought with Mom's credit card? Shared. Hello Kitty t-shirt received as a birthday gift from Aunt Margo? Not shared. Jack Rogers sandals? Shared. Fluffy bunny slippers that she got for Christmas? Not shared.

Anonymous wrote:I would think that, at those ages, they can and should figure this out for themselves without your intervention.

Agree!!

- the youngest of three girls

No, they are her clothes bought for her. It should be her choice and they should not take her clothing if she says no.

This is weird. A 20 year old is an adult. Why would you even be involved? At 20, my kids were living hundreds of miles away in a college dorm.

Not at all obligated to share.

entitled ? HELL NO they aren't ENTITLED to anything. They are old enough to work for their clothes or you MOM should shell out for a clothing allowance.

Don't raise snowflakes.

Anonymous wrote:No, they are her clothes. If the other two want to share that's great. They are old enough to make their own decisions as well as respect the decisions of others.

In our house, if they child payed for the item with his own money, then it is his.

I have two girls. We had this issue raised once. I explained to them, if they both like the top and if I buy two tops, then we have less money left to buy any other clothes. I let them to decide what they want to do. They share now , no brainer.

The younger ones are being bratty. No one is obligated to share their things with you.

It's nice if they want to share some things, but absolutely not required - and especially if they have purchased their own things. Nothing worse than wanting to wear something only to find it dirty, stretched, shrunk, missing, etc by someone else. If the youngers want something specific perhaps they could be very polite in asking (never just take!), return the item promptly, and thank the older sister graciously. Then she might be more inclined to share again. Of course if they have already burned bridges by not respecting her things in the past, they might just have to deal with those consequences!

Anonymous wrote:No, they are her clothes. If the other two want to share that's great. They are old enough to make their own decisions as well as respect the decisions of others.

This