OP here. Thank you for the replies. I do agree that I let this bother me more than I should, but it's a pattern with his family to treat us differently and this is just the most recent example.

Also, my son didn't complain about not getting a gift. At bed time he mentioned that he was happy he got to facetime with his cousins (both BIL and SIL's kids as they were together), but why not his grandma and grandpa. I'm not putting these ideas in his head so I just wanted to clarify that.

My family is just very close knit and I talk to my sister multiple times a week and same with my parents so I guess I just need to adjust my expectations accordingly.

Your 4 year old noticed he was slighted a gift from a grandparent? Time to check your child's priorities if they are that selfish!!

Total overreaction.

Anonymous wrote:Unless you told your kid that they would be face timing or sending a card, I find it highly suspicious that a 4-year old would ask why those things weren't done. You are overreacting but what's worse is you're making it a big deal for your kid.

+1. None of my 3 kids would have thought about a card at that age.

Unless you told your kid that they would be face timing or sending a card, I find it highly suspicious that a 4-year old would ask why those things weren't done. You are overreacting but what's worse is you're making it a big deal for your kid.

Anonymous wrote:

You know, I'm betting my five year old wouldn't think to ask why she didn't do FT with grandma on her birthday or get a card because she'd be too busy having fun, not dwelling on a perceived slight. Perhaps your DS is getting a little outside influence because you're the one offended?

I agree, I have two kids and no way would either of them have thought of this when they were 4 without a suggestion from an adult.

Agreed. Sounds like you are making your child dislike your inlaws. Bring it down....

Anonymous wrote:I'm a grandparent and it is very difficult to remember everyone's birthday, anniversary etc. I've tried to build it into my smart phone calendar but that's not always effective.

It's not that hard, really. Post a reminder on your calendar 2 weeks before each birthday and have it automatically repeat every year. Done.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry I'm team OP. why the hell should she have to remind them of THEIR grandchilds bday?? I bet they don't forget to call the other grandkids

Because people forget shit, that's why

Anonymous wrote:I'm a grandparent and it is very difficult to remember everyone's birthday, anniversary etc. I've tried to build it into my smart phone calendar but that's not always effective. I have a great relationship with my kids and adore my grandkids but sometimes I simply forget. At the same time sometimes my kids forget my birthday or anniversary and I'm disappointed but I know they are incredibly busy and its easy to forget.

This!
My DH thinks his mom hung the moon -- and most years he forgets her birthday until 11p that night or the days following.

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you call so ds could talk to them? If it's important to you that they participate in ds's birthday, you need to facilitate that. Don't set up an unspoken expectation, then pout when they don't meet it.

THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
People act like they want to be butt hurt.

I'm a grandparent and it is very difficult to remember everyone's birthday, anniversary etc. I've tried to build it into my smart phone calendar but that's not always effective. I have a great relationship with my kids and adore my grandkids but sometimes I simply forget. At the same time sometimes my kids forget my birthday or anniversary and I'm disappointed but I know they are incredibly busy and its easy to forget.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry I'm team OP. why the hell should she have to remind them of THEIR grandchilds bday?? I bet they don't forget to call the other grandkids

If there is a specific outcome that she wants for her child, she needs to put the wheels in motion to make that happen. Birthdays are not a big thing to some people, proximity plays a role, and, you know what? Sometimes people just get forgetful/distracted/etc. and forget. My ILs think it's fine to say happy birthday in a weekly call rather than making a second call day-of. It's only as big a deal as you make it, or, as my six-year-old pointed out on her birthday this year when cards/calls rolled in early/late, "It's been my birthday ALL WEEK - this is awesome!"

OP, I understand where you are coming from. I have the same issue with DH' siblings. They NEVER call or write our kids. Yet, MIL and FIL always remind us to send their other grandchildren "something special." My two boys never received as much as a postcard, let alone "something special." I stopped sending gifts and calling after a few years of this. It is what it is.

Sorry I'm team OP. why the hell should she have to remind them of THEIR grandchilds bday?? I bet they don't forget to call the other grandkids

OP, just let it go. I was the grandchild that got the shaft because my entire extended family was on the East coast and we were in California. My grandma remembered my birthday sporadically. Did it bother me? yes, but its not like you parent forgetting. Its a mild let-down, not the end of the world.