Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I moved to an area (rented) with better schools post divorce. All the private school talk stopped with that.

Nothing wrong with that. People on DCUM act like the only reason why private school is an issue with divorced parents is one parent trying to stick it to the other. Married couples disagree about private school as well.
Two things to remember:
Do what is in the best interest of the child. Actually research the schools. Consult neutral parties who have a professional knowledge of the child. Going to private or public school is rarely a permanent decision. Many families move in and out as children's needs change.

It could be in the kid's best interest to go to private school but still be economically impossible after a divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMHO it's much more of a personal finance question. I'd have to either (i) be making a ton of money, (ii) live in a really shitty school system, (iii) have kids with very special needs that the public schools couldn't accommodate or (iv) have strong religious convictions in order to consider private schools.

(i) would have to be at least $300K and possibly more. (ii) isn't applicable because I wouldn't buy in a shitty school district especially given the insane housing prices around here. (iii) is a wild card. (iv) I knew prior to marriage that neither of us felt this way.

Going back to (i), you didn't mention your HHI but I wouldn't do it unless you are both maxing 401Ks, backdoor Roth accounts, no student loan debt or car payments and are contributing to 529s on target to meet whatever you plan on doing for your child (in state public, private, etc.).

This. I know a number of people who send their kids to private school but then plan to not contribute to college expenses. Saddling your young adults with several hundred thousand dollars of student loan debt that could have been avoided is not kind.

Save for college and retirement first. Once you've saved 4-6 years of college costs and are 3/4 of the way to retirement, sure, send them to private school.

This is insane to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you guys are ready to think divorce over this is alarming.

I'm guessing your wife really values her experience at that school, and since yours was so miserable, you feel exactly the opposite about it.

Is moving away so that the particular school is not even an option possible? I can understand wanting your child to experience something you loved so much, and having a hard time letting that go when it's right in front of you.

That's why people are supposed to talk about these things before committing to marriage and it amazes me they don't.

I can see talking about money and children. But I'm not sure private vs. public would come up. And I'm betting mom didn't realize how she would feel until it became a reality. This is irrational, and probably should be dealt with in a therapist's office before it leads to divorce. 30K is not throw-away money, and as other PP's have said, what happens when kid #2 comes along?

There are very specific reasons our kids are in private elementary schools, but we are in agreement about it.

This IS money. Couples need to discuss where they see themselves living and how they see themselves living. Schools are a leading factor towards determining that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMHO it's much more of a personal finance question. I'd have to either (i) be making a ton of money, (ii) live in a really shitty school system, (iii) have kids with very special needs that the public schools couldn't accommodate or (iv) have strong religious convictions in order to consider private schools.

(i) would have to be at least $300K and possibly more. (ii) isn't applicable because I wouldn't buy in a shitty school district especially given the insane housing prices around here. (iii) is a wild card. (iv) I knew prior to marriage that neither of us felt this way.

Going back to (i), you didn't mention your HHI but I wouldn't do it unless you are both maxing 401Ks, backdoor Roth accounts, no student loan debt or car payments and are contributing to 529s on target to meet whatever you plan on doing for your child (in state public, private, etc.).

This. I know a number of people who send their kids to private school but then plan to not contribute to college expenses. Saddling your young adults with several hundred thousand dollars of student loan debt that could have been avoided is not kind.

Save for college and retirement first. Once you've saved 4-6 years of college costs and are 3/4 of the way to retirement, sure, send them to private school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you guys are ready to think divorce over this is alarming.

I'm guessing your wife really values her experience at that school, and since yours was so miserable, you feel exactly the opposite about it.

Is moving away so that the particular school is not even an option possible? I can understand wanting your child to experience something you loved so much, and having a hard time letting that go when it's right in front of you.

That's why people are supposed to talk about these things before committing to marriage and it amazes me they don't.

I can see talking about money and children. But I'm not sure private vs. public would come up. And I'm betting mom didn't realize how she would feel until it became a reality. This is irrational, and probably should be dealt with in a therapist's office before it leads to divorce. 30K is not throw-away money, and as other PP's have said, what happens when kid #2 comes along?

There are very specific reasons our kids are in private elementary schools, but we are in agreement about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you guys are ready to think divorce over this is alarming.

I'm guessing your wife really values her experience at that school, and since yours was so miserable, you feel exactly the opposite about it.

Is moving away so that the particular school is not even an option possible? I can understand wanting your child to experience something you loved so much, and having a hard time letting that go when it's right in front of you.

That's why people are supposed to talk about these things before committing to marriage and it amazes me they don't.

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you guys are ready to think divorce over this is alarming.

I'm guessing your wife really values her experience at that school, and since yours was so miserable, you feel exactly the opposite about it.

Is moving away so that the particular school is not even an option possible? I can understand wanting your child to experience something you loved so much, and having a hard time letting that go when it's right in front of you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I moved to an area (rented) with better schools post divorce. All the private school talk stopped with that.

Nothing wrong with that. People on DCUM act like the only reason why private school is an issue with divorced parents is one parent trying to stick it to the other. Married couples disagree about private school as well.
Two things to remember:
Do what is in the best interest of the child. Actually research the schools. Consult neutral parties who have a professional knowledge of the child. Going to private or public school is rarely a permanent decision. Many families move in and out as children's needs change.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Married. One young kid. Divorce not imminent.

My spouse wants our DC to go to same school (s) spouse went to growing up. 30k yr average. I think our public schools are fine. I met my spouse at one of the fancy private schools (which I hated and which contributed to my parents lack of retirement savings when they divorced.)

Spouse expects me to work additional years in order to make this happen rather than retiring early.

I make double what my spouse does, so not really seeing the payoff from the private school education.

Don't want to be locked into a 30k/year commitment that jeopardizes my own retirement so Spouse can re-live the elite lifestyle of spouse's youth.

Anonymous wrote:IMHO it's much more of a personal finance question. I'd have to either (i) be making a ton of money, (ii) live in a really shitty school system, (iii) have kids with very special needs that the public schools couldn't accommodate or (iv) have strong religious convictions in order to consider private schools.

(i) would have to be at least $300K and possibly more. (ii) isn't applicable because I wouldn't buy in a shitty school district especially given the insane housing prices around here. (iii) is a wild card. (iv) I knew prior to marriage that neither of us felt this way.

Going back to (i), you didn't mention your HHI but I wouldn't do it unless you are both maxing 401Ks, backdoor Roth accounts, no student loan debt or car payments and are contributing to 529s on target to meet whatever you plan on doing for your child (in state public, private, etc.).