They want to give you company bc they have a feeling of responsibility toward you. It's one evening. What's the big deal? I'm an introvert too, but this is about family. You have no good reason to insult them and damage an important relationship

Your DH is gone for 6-7 weeks, and you can't handle the idea of giving up *one* night to have dinner with his parents?

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I wish DH could have said something along the lines of "I'm home in three weeks, let's wait until I'm home to go out for dinner" when his parents told me they wanted to take me out. He knows I hate this kind of stuff. I don't know why he didn't think of how I would feel about it.

You are an adult. You don't need your DH to speak for you and it sounds like they asked you directly, not through him.

You need to own your own feelings about this - they aren't his responsibility. And your feelings are immature and self-centered. Introverts got to dinner all the time.

They are likely inviting you out because he is away for so long as a nice gesture. It sounds like you barely interact and expect your husband to carry the conversation with them so they may see this as an opportunity to get to know you.

Act like an adult and go to dinner.

Part of being an adult is that you get to pick what you do. So if you don't want to do this, then don't! It's your choice and no one else's. But, as others have pointed out in their responses, choices have consequences. So my advice to you is think about the consequences of attending this dinner, and think about the consequences of not attending. Which are easier for you to deal with, short term and long term?

I can't imagine anything more torturous going to dinner with my in-laws. We couldn't possibly be more different and I'm not sure I could even eat anything during a dinner with them alone. However, if they asked, I would go. Because it's a good example to my kids. Because they're my husband's parents, and even if they are crazy and difficult to deal with, they love him and raised him, and he loves them. Because the fall out for not going would be far, far, far worse than the 90 minutes of discomfort I would experience by going.

OP I used to feel like that with my IL. Then I realized it may give me the upper hand if I could learn to manage them on my own. They have learned to see me as independent of DH and seem to respect me more since I'm "Susie", not just "John's wife".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I wish DH could have said something along the lines of "I'm home in three weeks, let's wait until I'm home to go out for dinner" when his parents told me they wanted to take me out. He knows I hate this kind of stuff. I don't know why he didn't think of how I would feel about it.

Oh seriously grow up. Adults have obligations and this is isn't even a particularly awful one. You have two months to live like a hermit if that's what you want, and you're seemingly too self-centered to realize that spending two hours out of that time with well-intentioned, pleasant people is literally nothing. You'll live to see another day like every single person who does something they don't feel like doing, and it won't be the end of the world.

This this this. Grow up. Really?? You can't do one dinner?? It's one thing to be introverted (which I am) and a whole other to be, as you yourselfmput it, a Giant A**hole. Which you absolutely, definitely are if you can't do one dinner. Go right ahead and ruin your relationship with your ILS, though, if it's more important to you to stay home in your pajama pants and watch Netflix.

+1 op unless you have an immedicated social fobia that causes you extreme terror and an emotional breakdown to leave the house, you need to pull on your big girl panties and pretend to be an adult who understands basic niceties extended to family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I wish DH could have said something along the lines of "I'm home in three weeks, let's wait until I'm home to go out for dinner" when his parents told me they wanted to take me out. He knows I hate this kind of stuff. I don't know why he didn't think of how I would feel about it.

Oh seriously grow up. Adults have obligations and this is isn't even a particularly awful one. You have two months to live like a hermit if that's what you want, and you're seemingly too self-centered to realize that spending two hours out of that time with well-intentioned, pleasant people is literally nothing. You'll live to see another day like every single person who does something they don't feel like doing, and it won't be the end of the world.

This this this. Grow up. Really?? You can't do one dinner?? It's one thing to be introverted (which I am) and a whole other to be, as you yourselfmput it, a Giant A**hole. Which you absolutely, definitely are if you can't do one dinner. Go right ahead and ruin your relationship with your ILS, though, if it's more important to you to stay home in your pajama pants and watch Netflix.

Get your mental energy fueled up before going bc you might have to be social which I know is hard as an introvert. I say this bc if you say all of 3 sentences over the course of dinner bc you feel shy and awkward, your ILs may mistake you for being rude, unfriendly, and impolite.

Consider leaving the tip as a gesture that you appreciate them reaching out to you while dh is away (even if they insist on paying for everything at least you made an effort). They probably feel bad for you being alone all the time.

I'm introverted as well and totally get where you're coming from. I also think you'd be wise to go. Make it a Friday so you don't lose your downtime before work the next day. Or do a weekend lunch. Pick a place known for quick service and have something else "planned" for right after if you need to have an out.

I'm very close to my in laws so it's difficult for me to relate. Last time my DH traveled, the kids and I drove to their house to spend a week with them. I say this not to brag, but to suggest that maybe you should try to build a good relationship with your in laws. They are family. They have asked to meet you for dinner. I think it would be horribly rude to refuse their kind invitation. As adults, we sometimes do things we don't want to do simply because it's the right thing.

I make sure never to be alone with DH's mother, let alone go to a dinner with her. But there is a lot of history there. What's the backstory here?

Depends on how they've treated you in the past.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I wish DH could have said something along the lines of "I'm home in three weeks, let's wait until I'm home to go out for dinner" when his parents told me they wanted to take me out. He knows I hate this kind of stuff. I don't know why he didn't think of how I would feel about it.

Oh seriously grow up. Adults have obligations and this is isn't even a particularly awful one. You have two months to live like a hermit if that's what you want, and you're seemingly too self-centered to realize that spending two hours out of that time with well-intentioned, pleasant people is literally nothing. You'll live to see another day like every single person who does something they don't feel like doing, and it won't be the end of the world.

Op here. I wish DH could have said something along the lines of "I'm home in three weeks, let's wait until I'm home to go out for dinner" when his parents told me they wanted to take me out. He knows I hate this kind of stuff. I don't know why he didn't think of how I would feel about it.

Anonymous wrote:Control the variables. Meet them there. 90 minutes, you can be out of there.

This. Go to a place with efficient services. Here trying to be nice. Let them. My dh is out for 10 months (military). My inlaws are sweet but annoy me after a couple Josie asthey start repeating themselves and talking about things I have no interest in (their friends, sports etc). But I make a special effort to make sure they see the baby at least once a week and have opportunity to come see me and feel like they are helping. Even if they're not always. Erring on the side of inclusive as long as people are nice all around is much easier and goes a long way.