Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be terrified. It's terrifying.

But leave. You can't fix him.

Don't throw your life, and your children's, down the drain.

He's been circling the drain, and is now down it.

File for divorce. That may be the wake up call he needs.

If he gets it together, you can always discontinue divorce.

If not, keep the divorce rolling.

My sympathies, truly.

He just had the wherewithal to come down stairs and thank my sister (who is visiting) for supporting me, say that he feels ashamed in front of me. It's a front. A facade. His public face of normalcy. There is serious denial that he has a problem. He does not know that I am aware of his stealing. Has lied and said he has a job interview at the time of the trial. I need help.

I'm so sorry, OP.

Do you mind if I ask how you found out then, if he's never admitted any of this to you?

Also, was the shoplifting from his place of employment?
Or was it a separate incident?

Do you know what he stole that would equal less than $100 (a misdemeanor, btw), or are they equating the colleagues files to less than $100?

Sorry again OP, stay strong.

. I came across some notes on how to represent self in court. Looked on judiciary case search. Theft less than $100. Attempted theft from store completely separate from loss of long term career. Case search says less than $100.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be terrified. It's terrifying.

But leave. You can't fix him.

Don't throw your life, and your children's, down the drain.

He's been circling the drain, and is now down it.

File for divorce. That may be the wake up call he needs.

If he gets it together, you can always discontinue divorce.

If not, keep the divorce rolling.

My sympathies, truly.

He just had the wherewithal to come down stairs and thank my sister (who is visiting) for supporting me, say that he feels ashamed in front of me. It's a front. A facade. His public face of normalcy. There is serious denial that he has a problem. He does not know that I am aware of his stealing. Has lied and said he has a job interview at the time of the trial. I need help.

I'm so sorry, OP.

Do you mind if I ask how you found out then, if he's never admitted any of this to you?

Also, was the shoplifting from his place of employment?
Or was it a separate incident?

Do you know what he stole that would equal less than $100 (a misdemeanor, btw), or are they equating the colleagues files to less than $100?

Sorry again OP, stay strong.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I work work in mental health and I am unaware of any inpatient places that one can check into with the request to be assessed for a mental illness! The two options I'm aware of involved suicidal ideation etc. If there is such a place please let me know names! TIA.

Assessment for bipolar depression doesn't require inpatient evaluation, but does require a psychiatrist highly experienced in mood disorders who will meet with the parient AND family members (you). Most major university hospitals have such psychiatrists (Georgetown, GW and, especially, Johns Hopkins, which is world reknowned on the field of mood disorders.

you might also consult your own attorney to assess your DH's legal liability re the theft. He may not be telling you the whole truth and you may have some leverage at some point in the trial process yo ask the judge to order a psychiatric assessment.

Anonymous wrote:Be terrified. It's terrifying.

But leave. You can't fix him.

Don't throw your life, and your children's, down the drain.

He's been circling the drain, and is now down it.

File for divorce. That may be the wake up call he needs.

If he gets it together, you can always discontinue divorce.

If not, keep the divorce rolling.

My sympathies, truly.

He just had the wherewithal to come down stairs and thank my sister (who is visiting) for supporting me, say that he feels ashamed in front of me. It's a front. A facade. His public face of normalcy. There is serious denial that he has a problem. He does not know that I am aware of his stealing. Has lied and said he has a job interview at the time of the trial. I need help.

Be terrified. It's terrifying.

But leave. You can't fix him.

Don't throw your life, and your children's, down the drain.

He's been circling the drain, and is now down it.

File for divorce. That may be the wake up call he needs.

If he gets it together, you can always discontinue divorce.

If not, keep the divorce rolling.

My sympathies, truly.

Move on, this will only get worse. He clearly has a problem and needs help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is doing drags.

gross.

I'm op and I simply ignore stupidity. What people post is their own crap. The person who posted this probably has this as a fantasy.

I was thinking it was a typo for drugs- which is a possibility.

OP again. I work work in mental health and I am unaware of any inpatient places that one can check into with the request to be assessed for a mental illness! The two options I'm aware of involved suicidal ideation etc. If there is such a place please let me know names! TIA.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have to push for getting to the root of this, because even if you do leave and divorce (which I think is probably the right thing), he is going to be entitled to shared custody and time with the kids unless you have a solid reason to deny it. Whatever poor judgment is causing the theft issues could cause other impulsive/compulsive behavior that could put your kids at risk, certainly at least emotionally.

You don't need to get him treatment just so you can stay with him, but you do need to get him diagnosed (if something is there) and treated so he can be a good parent - most especially if he's alone with the kids.

This is the Catch-22 of divorce when a spouse is showing anger, poor judgment, or other similar bad behaviors -- you get out of the house, but now you're leaving your kids to fend for themselves when with that parent and you have to deal with an even more heightened emotionally-charged situation in negotiating custody, etc.

Many people stay married to protect their kids because it means at least you have them full-time.

OP he's. This is my dilemma. I'm angry but managing myself. Exhausted but still a lot to do. So incredibly unfair.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is doing drags.

gross.

I'm op and I simply ignore stupidity. What people post is their own crap. The person who posted this probably has this as a fantasy.

Anonymous wrote:He is doing drags.

gross.

OP, you have to push for getting to the root of this, because even if you do leave and divorce (which I think is probably the right thing), he is going to be entitled to shared custody and time with the kids unless you have a solid reason to deny it. Whatever poor judgment is causing the theft issues could cause other impulsive/compulsive behavior that could put your kids at risk, certainly at least emotionally.

You don't need to get him treatment just so you can stay with him, but you do need to get him diagnosed (if something is there) and treated so he can be a good parent - most especially if he's alone with the kids.

This is the Catch-22 of divorce when a spouse is showing anger, poor judgment, or other similar bad behaviors -- you get out of the house, but now you're leaving your kids to fend for themselves when with that parent and you have to deal with an even more heightened emotionally-charged situation in negotiating custody, etc.

Many people stay married to protect their kids because it means at least you have them full-time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like bipolar mania might be possible. Psychiatric eval stat and be sure you give doctor input on behavior.

+1

Insisted he have a neuro psych exam when he was fired. Either tester was lame or something. Indicated that he had personality disorder and memory loss to my regret. He clearly has grandiose traits and thinks that rules don't apply to him.

NP here. OP, please push hard for him to be tested as an inpatient for bipolar disorder. Please heed the several posters mentioning bipolar as a real possibility. The first, outpatient evaluation may have missed something.

Then you will have to consider whether the qualities you love, and for which you married him, are still present enough amid whatever mental issue is there. You'd need to decide whether you could stick with him to help him get treated to Possibly get back to the person you knew--a stressful choice but one you could end up making IF his behaviors are not abusive. If he's abusive of course protection from abuse trumps all.

Close friend's husband underwent a huge personality change ( though it was over months and not years) and it turned out to be a rare, incurable brain disease manifesting itself. So if your DH was once a person who would never have done the things he's been doing, consider that there may be a physical or mental issue that's beyond his control. When the behavior harms a spouse or kids, of course the spouse has to get protection by leaving etc. But if there is a treatable problem --and if DH is willing to get and stick with treatment--things might change. Consider getting your own therapist to help you figure out what to do.

Did you have input to eval? People w mental illness often think they are fine and minimize serious stuff to clinicians. You must go to appt and give specific input. My bipolar husband who bought motorcycle crashed it next day and gambled money from a cash advance when he was unemployed 2 years said he was fine. Self reporting is unreliable and good clinicians welcome family input. Leave if he doesnt agree to managing his issues w professional support and allowing you to be part of treatment. Sorry you are going through this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like bipolar mania might be possible. Psychiatric eval stat and be sure you give doctor input on behavior.

+1

Insisted he have a neuro psych exam when he was fired. Either tester was lame or something. Indicated that he had personality disorder and memory loss to my regret. He clearly has grandiose traits and thinks that rules don't apply to him.