Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does it really matter? I'm a single parent because I have my kid 24/7. I get CS only because my ex doesn't want to end up in prison. If it was left up to him, he wouldn't send a dime. My neighbor is also a single parent. She is divorced and has her kids half of the time and gets some CS. My mom was a single parent when my dad died. He left her life insurance money. We are all on our own in varying degrees which is where the "single" comes in. I have it harder than others because I never get a break nor can I afford babysitters but I'm in the same boat as my neighbor and my mom.

It does matter. My mother was a single parent - my father refused to marry her when she got pregnant with me and never wanted anything to do with me - no child support, no visits, no birthday cards. She deserves credit for bringing me up 100% on her own. I have a work acquaintance who is always talking about how hard it is to be a "single parent". She is divorced and her ex has her son every Wednesday night and every other weekend. She gets ample child support. She is NOT a single parent.

Whatever you call your work acquaintance, her situation is harder than a parent living with their partner.

The definition of "single parent" has nothing to do with how hard it is. I'm a single parent. I have one very easy kid. He is currently away at sleep away camp for six weeks. There is nothing hard about being his parent this week. However, since I am not married, not partnered, don't even have a bf/gf. I am a single parent. One way you can tell I am single is that you could, conceivably set me up with your brother or your single guy friend, and not feel like you were aiding and abetting adultery.

My friend has a much harder situation than me. She has 11 kids, 10 still at home. She home schools them all, except her oldest who is graduated and married, and the youngest who is too young for school. 4 of the kids have disabilities, and she provides extra care. She also has major health issues, that might or might not be early stage ALS. Yes, her life is very hard. But since she has a husband, she is definitely not a single parent.

Single = not married/in a relationship status. It is a relationship term, not a term to define how much work you have.

Co-parent is a relatively new term. When I was growing up, most divorced moms got custody of the kids and dads got visitation. Now it is much more common to share custody and hence the term co-parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes she is unless she is remarried and that would make her no longer single. Think of it as a spectrum. No help at all on one end (maybe a single mom by choice) or a lot of help on the other end (50% custody plus CS/alimony) and everything in between. A single parent is one who is no longer partnered with the father of the kid(s).

I disagree. A single parent is one who is raising their child 100% on their own - hence "single" and not co-parent. It isn't a spectrum. While being a divorced co-parent is difficult, you are not raising your child alone.

Is it a competition?

Anonymous wrote:Yes she is unless she is remarried and that would make her no longer single. Think of it as a spectrum. No help at all on one end (maybe a single mom by choice) or a lot of help on the other end (50% custody plus CS/alimony) and everything in between. A single parent is one who is no longer partnered with the father of the kid(s).

I disagree. A single parent is one who is raising their child 100% on their own - hence "single" and not co-parent. It isn't a spectrum. While being a divorced co-parent is difficult, you are not raising your child alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does it really matter? I'm a single parent because I have my kid 24/7. I get CS only because my ex doesn't want to end up in prison. If it was left up to him, he wouldn't send a dime. My neighbor is also a single parent. She is divorced and has her kids half of the time and gets some CS. My mom was a single parent when my dad died. He left her life insurance money. We are all on our own in varying degrees which is where the "single" comes in. I have it harder than others because I never get a break nor can I afford babysitters but I'm in the same boat as my neighbor and my mom.

It does matter. My mother was a single parent - my father refused to marry her when she got pregnant with me and never wanted anything to do with me - no child support, no visits, no birthday cards. She deserves credit for bringing me up 100% on her own. I have a work acquaintance who is always talking about how hard it is to be a "single parent". She is divorced and her ex has her son every Wednesday night and every other weekend. She gets ample child support. She is NOT a single parent.

Whatever you call your work acquaintance, her situation is harder than a parent living with their partner.

Yes she is unless she is remarried and that would make her no longer single. Think of it as a spectrum. No help at all on one end (maybe a single mom by choice) or a lot of help on the other end (50% custody plus CS/alimony) and everything in between. A single parent is one who is no longer partnered with the father of the kid(s).

Anonymous wrote:Does it really matter? I'm a single parent because I have my kid 24/7. I get CS only because my ex doesn't want to end up in prison. If it was left up to him, he wouldn't send a dime. My neighbor is also a single parent. She is divorced and has her kids half of the time and gets some CS. My mom was a single parent when my dad died. He left her life insurance money. We are all on our own in varying degrees which is where the "single" comes in. I have it harder than others because I never get a break nor can I afford babysitters but I'm in the same boat as my neighbor and my mom.

It does matter. My mother was a single parent - my father refused to marry her when she got pregnant with me and never wanted anything to do with me - no child support, no visits, no birthday cards. She deserves credit for bringing me up 100% on her own. I have a work acquaintance who is always talking about how hard it is to be a "single parent". She is divorced and her ex has her son every Wednesday night and every other weekend. She gets ample child support. She is NOT a single parent.

Anonymous wrote:My friend is divorced and gets no CS nor does her ex husband take the kids for visitation. How would you qualify her PP?

Single parent. Not hard to figure out, PP, if you give it a second.

Anonymous wrote:What about those who are married on paper but otherwise single because one spouse has abandoned the relationship in many ways including any involvement with the children?

I'm the PP above you.

I'd considered them single, because they don't have a partner.

I wouldn't consider them divorced. The two are like a Venn Diagram. Some people are divorced but not single parents (because they don't have kids, or they have a new partner, or in some cases, because they are still partnered with their ex). Some people are single and not divorced (because they are widowed, or were never married, or are still married) and some people are single and divorced.

Anonymous wrote:My friend is divorced and gets no CS nor does her ex husband take the kids for visitation. How would you qualify her PP?

A single parent. It's 100% on her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought it was single as in unmarried, not single as in "only parent"

By that definition, I'm a single parent as is my BF. We've been together almost 30 years and have 4 kids. We just never legally wed.

I would say that a "single mom" is one who is unpartnered. Marriage isn't the only kind of partnership that counts.

What about those who are married on paper but otherwise single because one spouse has abandoned the relationship in many ways including any involvement with the children?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the life of me I do not understand why people find this hard to define. If you are single and parenting -- no matter how you got that way be it divorce, never married, widowed -- you are a single parent. This is not rocket science. The answer is in the question and in the term.

If you receive alimony or child support or your child has visitation where they actually live or spend the night/weekend/summer, you are divorced. If you do not receive alimony or child support, you are single.

If you used to be married to someone, who is still alive, but to whom you are no longer married, you are divorced. Whether or not your ex is around, or sees the kids, or pays support has nothing to do with whether or not you are divorced. Similarly, if you were never married to your ex, or you're still married to your ex, you're not divorced whether or not you receive child support or the kid goes to see the ex.

None of this has to do with single parenting. Someone who is single (not partnered), and a parent, is single parenting. The end.

My friend is divorced and gets no CS nor does her ex husband take the kids for visitation. How would you qualify her PP?

Anonymous wrote:For the life of me I do not understand why people find this hard to define. If you are single and parenting -- no matter how you got that way be it divorce, never married, widowed -- you are a single parent. This is not rocket science. The answer is in the question and in the term.

If you receive alimony or child support or your child has visitation where they actually live or spend the night/weekend/summer, you are divorced. If you do not receive alimony or child support, you are single.