MS is a good example. Way more husbands of wives with it abandon than the other way around, IME as a provider. Sad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Men really are pieces of garbage, aren't they

PP. They aren't garbage, but they aren't equipped as caregivers.

I would also bet that there is infideility involved.

As "equipped as caregivers"? What is genetically wrong with men that makes them unable to care for another human being?

If what you say is true men should never be given any kind of custody of children as it poses a great risk to the child involved.

There is nothing genetically wrong with them. There are innate and societal differences.

No, this is no excuse.

And I think you're wrong anyhow. I don't think men divorce in this situation because they feel inadequate as caretakers. I think they divorce because they think they can find a younger and/or healthier woman and not have to deal with it.

I do think that men have an expectation that women will handle all of the mundane *stuff* of life (housekeeping, caretaking, etc.) along with be available for sex. If it seems the woman isn't able to do those things, instead of stepping up, the man looks to leave -- unless he suspects he'll get screwed in alimony/child support.

And sadly, even the "family values" Christian right set tend to forgive men for infidelity and divorce.

+10000 to all

I think a lot of men would not be the ones to actually file the divorce because they would be afraid of looking like the "bad guy" who left his sick wife.

I knew a couple married for twenty happy years.
Then she suddenly gets diagnosed w/Stage IV lung cancer & immediately begins chemo + radiation and after losing her hair, he begins seeing another woman.

So while his wife is enduring chemo + radiation, she also is trying to drum up enough money to initiate a divorce.
Then she and him sell their family home, and she is forced to find a new place to live right away.
Moving while enduring chemo + radiation is hell.

Not to mention the loneliness of suddenly losing your life partner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Men really are pieces of garbage, aren't they

Oh, please. My husband has a chronic condition. Thoughts of divorce have flitted through my head many, many times. His condition has cost us oodles of money and requires constant additional work for me. It is also going to be life-long, and he probably has another 40 years to live. If we didn't have the money to pay other people to help make up for what he can't do, we probably would be divorced.

Just leave then.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Men really are pieces of garbage, aren't they

Oh, please. My husband has a chronic condition. Thoughts of divorce have flitted through my head many, many times. His condition has cost us oodles of money and requires constant additional work for me. It is also going to be life-long, and he probably has another 40 years to live. If we didn't have the money to pay other people to help make up for what he can't do, we probably would be divorced.

I'm this PP. You can say I'm a shitty spouse, but like many things in life, I had no idea what our actual lives would be like once we married and had children (he was diagnosed after DC#2). It is relentless, and the kids add so much work on their own that I often feel like I've been indentured as a servant. I'm hanging in there, hoping as the kids get older that this will get easier, but I'm so worn down that I feel like the only thing I get out of this marriage is his paycheck, which I wouldn't need if I weren't caring for him, because I could work at a non-mommy-track job again.

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Men really are pieces of garbage, aren't they

Oh, please. My husband has a chronic condition. Thoughts of divorce have flitted through my head many, many times. His condition has cost us oodles of money and requires constant additional work for me. It is also going to be life-long, and he probably has another 40 years to live. If we didn't have the money to pay other people to help make up for what he can't do, we probably would be divorced.

A lot of those "chronic diseases" are phony like "fibromialgia" and "chronic fatigue syndrome". My exDW used that as an excuse to not work. She was actually going to file for disability. Post divorce she's got a job and working 40+ hours a week. The curing miracle of divorce!

A friend had a similar problem. The ex sat at home all day drinking rather than putting her JD to use. Post divorce--she's mostly off the booze and working.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Men really are pieces of garbage, aren't they

PP. They aren't garbage, but they aren't equipped as caregivers.

I would also bet that there is infideility involved.

As "equipped as caregivers"? What is genetically wrong with men that makes them unable to care for another human being?

If what you say is true men should never be given any kind of custody of children as it poses a great risk to the child involved.

There is nothing genetically wrong with them. There are innate and societal differences.

No, this is no excuse.

And I think you're wrong anyhow. I don't think men divorce in this situation because they feel inadequate as caretakers. I think they divorce because they think they can find a younger and/or healthier woman and not have to deal with it.

I do think that men have an expectation that women will handle all of the mundane *stuff* of life (housekeeping, caretaking, etc.) along with be available for sex. If it seems the woman isn't able to do those things, instead of stepping up, the man looks to leave -- unless he suspects he'll get screwed in alimony/child support.

And sadly, even the "family values" Christian right set tend to forgive men for infidelity and divorce.

Did you not read my post? I think there is infidelity involved as well, because the wife is too sick/tired/etc to meet the husband's sexual needs.

And I don't think men seek the divorce in these situations: I believe women do either a) because he is cheating, or b) because she realizes he is not equipped for caretaking, and is actually making her life harder.

I have MS and recently divorced, because I was working FT, keeping the house, and doing all the childcare activities in top of my illness while my husband pursued his childhood dreams of becoming a professional athlete (at age 42). He couldn't understand why I would dare ask him to clean up after himself, do a school drop off so I could make an early-morning doctor's appointment, or why I wanted to sleep instead of have sex at 10 pm. Something had to give, and it couldn't be my health, my job, or my child.

However, even though he was a horrible partner and caregiver, I do not feel that he is endangering my child on weekends he has custody. Does my kid watch too much TV and eat too many chicken nuggets on those weekends? Probably. But I trust my child will be returned to me on Monday, tired and hyper, but alive. I can use those weekends to care for myself: I get sleep, I exercise, I don't run myself down. I am doing better, health-wise than I have in a long time.

Anonymous wrote:

Didn't happen for my mother, with MS.
Thank goodness, because she can't work.

My DH has MS and anyone who is not in this situation cannot possibly know how hard it is. Our marriage is difficult anyway, but the MS and his anger and frustration exacerbates everything.

The reason I will not leave him, frankly, is that I don't want him to become the kids' problem. That, and money.

Didn't happen for my mother, with MS.
Thank goodness, because she can't work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Men really are pieces of garbage, aren't they

PP. They aren't garbage, but they aren't equipped as caregivers.

I would also bet that there is infideility involved.

As "equipped as caregivers"? What is genetically wrong with men that makes them unable to care for another human being?

If what you say is true men should never be given any kind of custody of children as it poses a great risk to the child involved.

There is nothing genetically wrong with them. There are innate and societal differences.

No, this is no excuse.

And I think you're wrong anyhow. I don't think men divorce in this situation because they feel inadequate as caretakers. I think they divorce because they think they can find a younger and/or healthier woman and not have to deal with it.

I do think that men have an expectation that women will handle all of the mundane *stuff* of life (housekeeping, caretaking, etc.) along with be available for sex. If it seems the woman isn't able to do those things, instead of stepping up, the man looks to leave -- unless he suspects he'll get screwed in alimony/child support.

And sadly, even the "family values" Christian right set tend to forgive men for infidelity and divorce.

Anonymous wrote:does not surprise me at all.

+1 if wife is too sick to have sex, H will go elsewhere. Didn't Newt Gingrich do something like this if I'm not mistaken?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Men really are pieces of garbage, aren't they

PP. They aren't garbage, but they aren't equipped as caregivers.

I would also bet that there is infideility involved.

As "equipped as caregivers"? What is genetically wrong with men that makes them unable to care for another human being?

If what you say is true men should never be given any kind of custody of children as it poses a great risk to the child involved.

There is nothing genetically wrong with them. There are innate and societal differences.

Okay.

If what you say is true men should never be given any kind of custody of children as it poses a great risk to the child involved.

There's a difference between endangering someone's life and not being an adequate caregiver.

That's interesting in the 2 cases I know of where a chronic illness or injury has led to divorce it has been the wife to leave the husband.

Anonymous wrote:It'll affect it as much as you let it.

Yes, OP, make sure you tell your Crohn's to pipe down so it doesn't affect your quality of life and therefore won't affect your marriage or anything else.

PP, you're an idiot.