Anonymous
07/02/2017 05:20
Subject: He pretty much has no friends
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is who he is. He is comfortable with who he is. It's a red flag only in that you want him to change and be something he is not.
This.
He's not you, OP. And understand: this is not likely to change. Unless you can get past this -- and I suggest you do, before you marry him -- you are the one who has the compatibility problem.
Agree. He's happy. Why mess with that? If you want a guy with close friends, leave him for one. But you can't have it all, and marriage is accepting who you're with.
Anonymous
07/02/2017 05:19
Subject: He pretty much has no friends
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is who he is. He is comfortable with who he is. It's a red flag only in that you want him to change and be something he is not.
OP here- I don't want him to change but it just confuses me as to why someone would be okay with no friends. I just think he'd love having a buddy to go grab a beer with or go fishing with or whatever.
OP, "confusion" is often a smokescreen for resentment and anger. You are irked by this. It's not going to go away.
Anonymous
07/02/2017 03:13
Subject: Re:He pretty much has no friends
Anonymous wrote:There was a movie about this. Pathetic on so many levels, including your obsession about it.
What was the movie? I'd like to avoid it. It sounds terrible.
Anonymous
07/02/2017 02:32
Subject: He pretty much has no friends
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:DH had very few friends when we met. Yes, it's a red flag. It's clearly already bothering you and I will tell you from experience, once you have kids, the social connections for your entire family will fall on you. Now, this is pretty common that women run the family social life, however, a DH w/o friends is likely someone who has some social deficiencies and that can be a huge stressor. At least it is for me.
It's actually not necessarily a red flag at all. Many people who are introverted have few friends. I myself have only one good friend and I see her rarely. I enjoy being by myself. I'm happy and mentally healthy.
It is a red flag for her, bc it's already a concern for her. My DH is happy and mentally healthy as well but now that we have a family, it's really hard being the more extroverted partner.
that sounds like a you problem. your dh seems great.
Anonymous
07/01/2017 23:51
Subject: Re:He pretty much has no friends
There was a movie about this. Pathetic on so many levels, including your obsession about it.
Anonymous
07/01/2017 23:48
Subject: He pretty much has no friends
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't want to change him. I just wish he were different.
Stop. He is not the person you should spend the rest of your life with.
That was sarcasm. I'm not OP. It's how I read her post.
I hate when I see that so often here: He's wonderful in every way except this one little thing that doesn't really matter, and I know it's not worth blowing up a relationship over, so I can't understand why he doesn't feel how I do and want to be perfect to me. How do I get him to change without making it seem like I'm trying to change him or having to admit I wish I could manipulate him?
Anonymous
07/01/2017 23:20
Subject: He pretty much has no friends
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't want to change him. I just wish he were different.
Stop. He is not the person you should spend the rest of your life with.
This wasn't me who posted that. It was some idiot trying to start something.
Anonymous
07/01/2017 22:54
Subject: He pretty much has no friends
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is who he is. He is comfortable with who he is. It's a red flag only in that you want him to change and be something he is not.
OP here- I don't want him to change but it just confuses me as to why someone would be okay with no friends. I just think he'd love having a buddy to go grab a beer with or go fishing with or whatever.
He has friends. He just doesn't need to go out drining with them every night.
Your really need to grow up before you get married, and 28 doesn't automatically mean you are grown. You are coming across incredibly immature and very self-focused for someone about to get marreid.
Anonymous
07/01/2017 22:52
Subject: He pretty much has no friends
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The red flag to me is that you're comparing him to your ex.
Op here- not comparing, just giving an example. Trust me, no part of me would ever desire to be with my ex again lol I was just using that as an example. My best friends husband seems to constantly hang out with his best friend from high school and leave her with the baby so I guess I shouldn't complain. I honestly was just curious as I'm the complete opposite and I even grew up with my dad still having bi weekly "guys night" with his college buddies.
But your ex and his social habits have nothing to do with your fiance. They are different men
He's not your dad.
He's not your friend's husbands.
He has his friends. He sees them as much as he needs.
Stop looking for trouble.
Anonymous
07/01/2017 22:50
Subject: He pretty much has no friends
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is who he is. He is comfortable with who he is. It's a red flag only in that you want him to change and be something he is not.
OP here- I don't want him to change but it just confuses me as to why someone would be okay with no friends. I just think he'd love having a buddy to go grab a beer with or go fishing with or whatever.
Check him for aspergers traits....
--someone who wondered the same thing....
Yup. I'm a pp and my DH 100% has undiagnosed spectrum characteristics. Currently getting diagnosis for our son. Wouldn't change marrying him and the family we've created for the world, but wish I'd had eyes wide open going into it. It's one thing coming to terms w your DHs lack of social relationships and his comfort with it that likely comes from decades of experience. it's a whole other beast watching your child struggle.
Anonymous
07/01/2017 22:48
Subject: He pretty much has no friends
Anonymous wrote:I don't want to change him. I just wish he were different.
Stop. He is not the person you should spend the rest of your life with.
Anonymous
07/01/2017 22:44
Subject: He pretty much has no friends
Anonymous wrote:The red flag to me is that you're comparing him to your ex.
Op here- not comparing, just giving an example. Trust me, no part of me would ever desire to be with my ex again lol I was just using that as an example. My best friends husband seems to constantly hang out with his best friend from high school and leave her with the baby so I guess I shouldn't complain. I honestly was just curious as I'm the complete opposite and I even grew up with my dad still having bi weekly "guys night" with his college buddies.
Anonymous
07/01/2017 22:43
Subject: He pretty much has no friends
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is who he is. He is comfortable with who he is. It's a red flag only in that you want him to change and be something he is not.
OP here- I don't want him to change but it just confuses me as to why someone would be okay with no friends. I just think he'd love having a buddy to go grab a beer with or go fishing with or whatever.
Check him for aspergers traits....
--someone who wondered the same thing....
Anonymous
07/01/2017 22:42
Subject: He pretty much has no friends
The red flag to me is that you're comparing him to your ex.
Anonymous
07/01/2017 22:39
Subject: He pretty much has no friends
My husband is the same way and it doesn't bother me.