Anonymous wrote:Yes, the behaviors fall on a spectrum. If I'm dealing with someone who exhibits most of the traits, and it makes life hell, I don't care that they're not going to volunteer to get diagnosed. That's part of the problem: They think they're normal and it's everyone else who's the problem.
You won't really notice a lot of times, if you have only a superficial relationship or limited interaction with someone with NPD. Keep in mind that their entire focus and energy investment is to appear wonderful to themselves and others, and they can be very good at it. With so much at stake, and lifelong practice, it's easy to keep a mask up with most people, most of the time.
And usually they're not malignant types, which are more obvious, so they have many nice parts to their personalities. It becomes a confusing mindf*ck after a while.
It's when you are very close to them in relationship, with emotional investment, especially as a partner or parent, that you will eventually feel the pain as you come to realize that their need to feed that huge hole in themselves comes before everything and everyone.
People with personality disorders are definitely drawn to each other and to codependent people like "fixers," and people-pleasers. Those who grow up with a parent who has many traits and behaviors of a personality disorder often find themselves drawn to partners with similar issues or to those who grew up with a similar parent.
And those who post here about particular and distinctive types of confusing, difficult behaviors from their loved ones attract responses from those of us who've survived, because we recognize it from long, painful experience. I think we tend to respond because it's kind of therapeutic for us and we know how difficult and destructive it is to deal with, so we want to help. Plus a lot of us are "fixers." lol
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Lots of talk of disorderd people here at DCUM: Relationships. But I don't know that I know any BPD or Narcissistic people IRL (I'm sure I must but I don't know, right?).
I'm thinking this is all pop psychology and folks are "diagnosing" their ex / exes without real basis in fact because they aren't getting what they want from the relationship (e.g. he cheated? Narcissist!).
Am I wrong? Are the disordered folks really a dime a dozen? Or are we looking at people through faulty lenses?
According to a psychology book I read on the subject, 7 percent of Americans have a personality disorder, and that percent has been rising over time for a number of reasons.
Anonymous wrote:Lots of talk of disorderd people here at DCUM: Relationships. But I don't know that I know any BPD or Narcissistic people IRL (I'm sure I must but I don't know, right?).
I'm thinking this is all pop psychology and folks are "diagnosing" their ex / exes without real basis in fact because they aren't getting what they want from the relationship (e.g. he cheated? Narcissist!).
Am I wrong? Are the disordered folks really a dime a dozen? Or are we looking at people through faulty lenses?
Anonymous wrote:Also, not everyone on here is arm chair diagnosing. I have posted before about my narcissistic ex. A number of therapists who have seen us together over the years have used that label to describe him. That said, these traits and disorders run on a spectrum, and it can be hard to tell when you are dealing with a whole lot of traits but they have some facet that keeps them from a diagnosis of the full-blown disorder from his own individual therapist. With my ex, if you catch him on the right day, he will admit to some of what he has done. Other days, no, he has done nothing wrong and everything is my fault and he is the one who suffered (despite the fact I have pictures of the bruises). Either way, it doesn't mean I didn't live through a whole lot of hell.