OP here - thanks for the advice. I will get and pay for my own attorney. FYI - my fiancé did let me know the letter was coming but not what was in it. The child rearing issues were mostly faith based in terms of both religion and schooling. The protection of inheritance and trusts is all new to me so I do need to get smarter even with a lawyer involved. While my fiancé is an artist, he is actually quite successful for someone not yet 30. He is definitely not living off of his family's money and is making it on his own just as I am. His parents live in a world of 1%-ers and as my dad said "the air is very thin at that altitude which can cause brain defects." They are generally nice people and live far away so I'm hoping that they don't interfere too often. So, I'm prepared to sign a prenup but only if it's reasonable especially about child rearing.

The money part can be handled by lawyers but the child rearing part? Completely different issue.
Is there religious expectations? Particular schools?

Get your lawyer (who you pay for) to get that part taken completely out. WTF?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you could easily be more legally liable for alimony and things like that since you earn more money than he does. He could lie and claim to be financially cut off and everything else. I also know that I have a trust fund coming to me and my family has set in place legal measures so that no one, regardless of who I marry, can access the various businesses that my trust involves.

So, basically.... find out which one will give you the best financial deal and go for that. It would be a real cruel irony if you refused the prenup and then that allowed him to sue you for alimony since you earn more than him....

Bingo. If mom and dad cut him off and you divorce, he's getting your money.

Honestly, though, the guy sounds like a big red flag. Poor artist who is supported by his parents? Always sides with what mommy and daddy say? He sounds really immature and probably won't be able to cope with real life and the difficulties marriage and kids bring. He's already trying to get you to take on the burden of raising kids and you aren't even married yet.

+10000

I have heard of so many people being screwed this way. The woman goes to get a divorce and suddenly the trust-funder is "estranged from family" and "cut off and destitute". I have heard of women having to pay alimony to people from hugely wealthy families. Because family wealth is really not personal wealth- it can change on a dime and be quite easily hidden, much more so than other types of wealth. And people do routinely get written out of wills and cut off because of family drama. So it looks like a perfectly valid excuse in court.

But I agree- don't marry him. He sounds like a major red flag with serious issues anyway. And you will be linked to his family forever and it will be hell. And it very well could be that this guy cannot ever stand up to them anyway or he might be written out- so you really are going to be at their mercy 24/7.

It's not legally ethical for a lawyer to give you advice when they are being paid by the other side. Think about it.

It's also not legally ethical for their lawyer to send you the prenup without recommending that you get your own legal opinion. Prenups can work as much for you as it will for him you know

think of the legal fee as just another wedding cost. Dress, flowers, lawyer, photographer.

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you could easily be more legally liable for alimony and things like that since you earn more money than he does. He could lie and claim to be financially cut off and everything else. I also know that I have a trust fund coming to me and my family has set in place legal measures so that no one, regardless of who I marry, can access the various businesses that my trust involves.

So, basically.... find out which one will give you the best financial deal and go for that. It would be a real cruel irony if you refused the prenup and then that allowed him to sue you for alimony since you earn more than him....

Bingo. If mom and dad cut him off and you divorce, he's getting your money.

Honestly, though, the guy sounds like a big red flag. Poor artist who is supported by his parents? Always sides with what mommy and daddy say? He sounds really immature and probably won't be able to cope with real life and the difficulties marriage and kids bring. He's already trying to get you to take on the burden of raising kids and you aren't even married yet.

I hope he at least told you to expect the letter from his attorney--if not, why not?

WHY are his parents so involved? Why isn't this between you and him? FWIW, my DH's mother managed all four of her children's investment accounts. When I married, my DH was 31, and he informed his mother after the wedding (at my insistence) that she would no longer have access to the account and he was a grown man and should manage it himself. She still manages her younger children's accounts--ages 35 and 28 (neither are married). Beware over involvement of DH's parents. They don't take adult children setting boundaries well.

I feel like you could easily be more legally liable for alimony and things like that since you earn more money than he does. He could lie and claim to be financially cut off and everything else. I also know that I have a trust fund coming to me and my family has set in place legal measures so that no one, regardless of who I marry, can access the various businesses that my trust involves.

So, basically.... find out which one will give you the best financial deal and go for that. It would be a real cruel irony if you refused the prenup and then that allowed him to sue you for alimony since you earn more than him....

Why not just be business partners?

Yes, I signed a prenup at the initiation of my fiancé. It is a negotiation and a prenup requires full financial disclosure. He wanted to protect certain assets, and that protection cost him (via negotiation) to declare other assets as marital that under state law would not be marital. You and your attorney know your negotiating power.

Now, I have no idea the proposed child raising terms you mention. Sounds odd. Your fiancé needs to address his proposed terms and conditions with you, not his family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, she states that she isn't interested in his family money. It isn't available to her anyway. And a prenup that goes against the law won't hold up anyway. They can't subject her to "financial repercussions" that are against state laws, or tie her to one way of child rearing, that's ridiculous.

They can drag it out through courts and make life miserable. It's all ridiculous.

Wouldn't that only benefit OP who has the better job and is very very financially independent?

How? Wasting time, energy, happiness? Who would ever call the court/legal experience fun? I am all for prenup, just not a ridiculous one. With a freeloader husband OP shou6have one, but protecting her interests and fair to both

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, she states that she isn't interested in his family money. It isn't available to her anyway. And a prenup that goes against the law won't hold up anyway. They can't subject her to "financial repercussions" that are against state laws, or tie her to one way of child rearing, that's ridiculous.

They can drag it out through courts and make life miserable. It's all ridiculous.

Wouldn't that only benefit OP who has the better job and is very very financially independent?

Anonymous wrote:Yes, she states that she isn't interested in his family money. It isn't available to her anyway. And a prenup that goes against the law won't hold up anyway. They can't subject her to "financial repercussions" that are against state laws, or tie her to one way of child rearing, that's ridiculous.

They can drag it out through courts and make life miserable. It's all ridiculous.

Yes, she states that she isn't interested in his family money. It isn't available to her anyway. And a prenup that goes against the law won't hold up anyway. They can't subject her to "financial repercussions" that are against state laws, or tie her to one way of child rearing, that's ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:An inheritance is not community property. Nor are trusts. You guys don't know this stuff?

Did you read the post?