Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. Baby is 3 months

That means you're so close to things looking up! The 4th trimester is a very real thing.

I just feel horrible I don't like my baby. Does he know I don't like him? I also hate breastfeeding. It's the worst.

He doesn't know. If you hate breastfeeding, wean. Find ways to enjoy yourself.

I couldn't stand the isolation of the newborn phase, so I made a ton of plans with friends after they got out of work. I went to museums. I went to happy hour. I traveled with this tiny portable creature. I didn't hate breastfeeding, but if I had, I would've weaned my daughter, packed up the formula and bottles, and gone on adventures anyway. You don't have to lose your life or your personality when you have a baby. You are not a totally different person than you were 3 months ago or a year ago. You just have to figure out what works for you.

Signed,

Hosted happy hour in Dupont with a 10-day-old baby in a carseat on the floor by my feet

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. Baby is 3 months

That means you're so close to things looking up! The 4th trimester is a very real thing.

I just feel horrible I don't like my baby. Does he know I don't like him? I also hate breastfeeding. It's the worst.

I said the same things as you. Does he know I'm a shitty mom? I felt like I didn't love him. I would often times just sit and stare at a spot on the wall while he cried in his crib. I often got angry at him and walked away. I leaned on my husband way more than I thought I should as a mom. I was looking up therapists and then things just got better.

On another note, I never breastfed, I requested formula the first day at the hospital. I knew that if I tried to breastfeed, I would totally lose my shit because I didn't know what I was doing so I wanted to spare myself that element. Maybe it was selfish but honestly, my baby is doing wonderfully developmentally. I bought a Baby Brezza and pressed a button to give him milk. It was wonderful and I was able to pass along the responsibility to my husband or my mom, or anyone else that was around him. It's a lot of pressure being the only person that can feed your baby, especially at night. Stop breastfeeding if it's a major source of frustration for you, no guilt and nobody guilted me for formula either.

Anonymous wrote:Op. Baby is 3 months

Hang in there -- this is the worst time.

This might be unpopular but I bet you can get counseling help from Catholic Charities -- they have offices in DC and Silver Spring. Planned Parenthood may also keep a list of options for low-income mothers with potential PPD.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. Baby is 3 months

That means you're so close to things looking up! The 4th trimester is a very real thing.

I just feel horrible I don't like my baby. Does he know I don't like him? I also hate breastfeeding. It's the worst.

If breastfeeding the worst, then give it up. I won't judge you. Promise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. Baby is 3 months

That means you're so close to things looking up! The 4th trimester is a very real thing.

I just feel horrible I don't like my baby. Does he know I don't like him? I also hate breastfeeding. It's the worst.

Anonymous wrote:Op. Baby is 3 months

That means you're so close to things looking up! The 4th trimester is a very real thing.

Op. Baby is 3 months

It gets better. I swear, the first two months of having a baby as a first time mother, I thought everyone was in on this horrible joke and I was the butt of it. Crying colicky gassy baby with constant, and I mean constant, spitting up. No sleep at night. Nap when the baby naps (riiiiiight, so when do the bottles get cleaned, when does the spit up laundry get taken care of). When baby is napping, I was googling every single question on the planet. Questioning myself as a mother. Questioning my sanity. Envious of the moms who kept saying "this is such a joy, I hope they stay one week old forever!" I had EXTREME anxiety until he finally got into a sleeping routine. I had to take Xanax before dinner every night because I wouldn't be able to eat out of nervousness of the evening routine. That's come and gone.

My baby is 5 months old now and I can honestly say i'm back in control and loving every single minute of it. It gets easier. They sleep longer (I was into Babywise method without any crying it out), they constantly smile and laugh, they become little independent people. I'm still covered in spit-up, but it's no big deal at this point.

Anyway, I hope you find some outside support group, talk to someone, and be honest about your feelings. You are not alone and you're doing a great job!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I felt the same way with my first. Swore I would never have another baby. It's so so hard. I gave everything away as soon as he outgrew it. Then 4 years later he became a kid and is so fun and I decided we needed another wonderful little person in our family. Now 4 months into the second kid and it's a whole different experience. I'm so happy and it's so easy. And not so isolating because the older one is around too. Anyways, my point is that it does get better. In retrospect maybe I had PPD, maybe not. I just found the transition to motherhood so difficult. Get therapy if you can. If not, seek friends with babies the same age and get together with them as often as possible so at least you won't be alone.

Reading this makes me even more depressed. Your life sounds horrible.

So then give your baby up for adoption and be done. You do have options.

Could I really do this?

Obviously yes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you spoken to your doctor about how you feel?

I don't have a doctor.

You can talk to the doctor you saw while you were pregnant or ask the pediatrician for a referral. Both my doctor and my son's doctor have screened me multiple times for post partum depression.

And then what? If I have ppd then what can they do? Maybe I just dislike motherhood.

If you have PPD, you address the symptoms of that illness. If you "dislike motherhood" then yes, you have options, but your current attitude is probably related to hormones as much as any other factor. That's the thing about PPD. It's not like regular depression because it's got a specific cause and generally has a shelf life.

Not everyone finds motherhood to be magical and amazing. That doesn't mean that you dislike having a family or your specific child. It just means that you need to figure out what motherhood means FOR YOU rather than what it means for your friends or women you see on TV or women on this board. And treat the temporary mental health issues it's caused, or everything else will be harder.

Anonymous wrote:I felt the same way with my first. Swore I would never have another baby. It's so so hard. I gave everything away as soon as he outgrew it. Then 4 years later he became a kid and is so fun and I decided we needed another wonderful little person in our family. Now 4 months into the second kid and it's a whole different experience. I'm so happy and it's so easy. And not so isolating because the older one is around too. Anyways, my point is that it does get better. In retrospect maybe I had PPD, maybe not. I just found the transition to motherhood so difficult. Get therapy if you can. If not, seek friends with babies the same age and get together with them as often as possible so at least you won't be alone.

NP here. Thank you for posting this. I'm suddenly feeling overwhelmed with a 1 year old, even though everything up until now has been awesome. I'm glad to hear that these are just stages and even if I don't 'love' motherhood right now, it doesn't mean it won't get better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I felt the same way with my first. Swore I would never have another baby. It's so so hard. I gave everything away as soon as he outgrew it. Then 4 years later he became a kid and is so fun and I decided we needed another wonderful little person in our family. Now 4 months into the second kid and it's a whole different experience. I'm so happy and it's so easy. And not so isolating because the older one is around too. Anyways, my point is that it does get better. In retrospect maybe I had PPD, maybe not. I just found the transition to motherhood so difficult. Get therapy if you can. If not, seek friends with babies the same age and get together with them as often as possible so at least you won't be alone.

Reading this makes me even more depressed. Your life sounds horrible.

What? You got 'horrible' out of that?

OP people keep asking: how old is your baby??

Well, in some ways your old life IS ruined. It will never go back to how it was. However, it does get better. I don't like being pregnant or having a newborn, but that newborn gets older and cuter and lets you sleep eventually! Can you pinpoint the things that are wearing you down right now and try to address some of them specifically? Like lack of sleep, not being able to find a little time to yourself, etc?

And yes, do talk to a professional about potential PPD.

I think most new moms have a, "holy sh*t, what have I done?" moment.

The important thing to remember is that the complete insanity is not your new normal. It's temporary.

I'm not a baby person, but now that our kid is 2, she's so delightful. She can say, "I love you" and give big hugs. Seeing her grow and learn everyday is a pretty cool part of my human experience.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you spoken to your doctor about how you feel?

I don't have a doctor.

You can talk to the doctor you saw while you were pregnant or ask the pediatrician for a referral. Both my doctor and my son's doctor have screened me multiple times for post partum depression.

And then what? If I have ppd then what can they do? Maybe I just dislike motherhood.

Maybe you dislike having a newborn, which is different than all motherhood. And as for what they will do, there is both talk therapy and drugs available to lift the fog.