Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can take it to court but the judge will probably just tell her to send the kids and no consequences when she does not or at least that was our experience. Judge ordered her to pay a higher cost of the plane tickets but she never paid anything. All they care is if you are paying child support. Take it to court once and then give up, sad to say, but she isn't going to budge and there are only a few rare judges who will hold up father's rights and the reality of you getting a good and reasonable judge is slim. Mom will come up with all kinds of accusations against you and despite not being able to prove them, nothing will change.

My husband gave up when his youngest was 14. He cut them off when that child was 18 financially and moved on. We hear from them or his ex on a rare occasion. Sadly, my husband would prefer not to hear from them after how they treated him.

How they treated him? The kids were just victims of their mother. Can you blame them for giving up? After all it's what they learned from dear old dad. Men go after what they want relentlessly. Your husband simply wasn't that interested in being a father to them.

I don't know how you can stand to be involved with someone who just gave up on his kids.

After multiple expensive court battles where judge gave visitation and mom refused it and judge did nothing, what is someone supposed to do? Oldest two were over 18, youngest was 14 at the time. They only contacted him for money beyond child support which they claimed mom never received each month (which was a lie). If the courts will not uphold the orders or change custody, then what do you do when you call every day and no one answers the phone, when you fly out cross country to get your kids after mom does not put them on the plane and mom refuses and cops refuse to get involved. So, you spend more money going to court on attorneys and air fare multiple times and nothing changes. Yes, at some point you give up, especially after 8 years of the crap. They are a victim but there is no excuse for them to scream and yell at their Dad and make accusations that never happened, especially when mom was the abusive one and had two kids who were not hers removed from her care. So, yes, when they call us demanding money as adults, you do give up and say no. When you ask them to disclose what scholarships and loans and grades in order to get financial help from Dad and they refuse demanding a check for thousands, yes, you say no and stop the back and forth. When they refuse to visit and yet demand plane tickets (that they choose to use for something else as they are adults and in their name), yes, you stop buying them (or what we have done is say pay them and we'll reimburse you when you are here)...... yes, at some point after so many years you do stop being interested. He was a very active father till she cheated on him, moved the kids cross country and refused contact. How can he be an active father if he is denied contact and the courts are a joke?

Clearly you are a mom who took the kids and played games so you can then complain about the deadbeat uninterested Dad.

His ex-wife did me a huge favor. I got a great husband and father for my kids out of the deal. I think she knows it too as she emails regularly and is annoyed at how well he/we are doing which he never could have achieved with her... if she only knew now how much he made.

No sweetheart I'm the wife of a man whose father just threw him away because it was easier. As for his now adult kids you reap what you sow. How do you thnk they'll turn out when you abandon them to an abusive parent?

Great father? Denial is strong with you. Just don't get divorced.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can take it to court but the judge will probably just tell her to send the kids and no consequences when she does not or at least that was our experience. Judge ordered her to pay a higher cost of the plane tickets but she never paid anything. All they care is if you are paying child support. Take it to court once and then give up, sad to say, but she isn't going to budge and there are only a few rare judges who will hold up father's rights and the reality of you getting a good and reasonable judge is slim. Mom will come up with all kinds of accusations against you and despite not being able to prove them, nothing will change.

My husband gave up when his youngest was 14. He cut them off when that child was 18 financially and moved on. We hear from them or his ex on a rare occasion. Sadly, my husband would prefer not to hear from them after how they treated him.

How they treated him? The kids were just victims of their mother. Can you blame them for giving up? After all it's what they learned from dear old dad. Men go after what they want relentlessly. Your husband simply wasn't that interested in being a father to them.

I don't know how you can stand to be involved with someone who just gave up on his kids.

I watched my brother go through this and it was torturous. He remarried and had two kids but his emotional resources, his financial resources, his energy was tied up in trying to fight the fight to keep contact with his 2 kids form his first marriage. His second marriage and kids got a worn out, beat down dad. When his first two were 12 and 14, mom dropped them off at his house and walked away. He finally had his kids but he was a broken man. The sleepless nights, the emotional trauma of the alienation and accusations, the legal fight, the money wasted and financial devastation, the years of turmoil and pain took a terrible toll. Then he had two angry teens who had been taught to hate him who now also had a stepmother and 2 siblings. Their home life became a nightmare, step mother kept threatening to take their kids and leave, my brother wondered why he had fought so hard for so long to end up with a life of chaos, a crumbling marriage and 4 kids who were mad at dad.

Men have feelings too. They have limits to what they can handle, they need to be able to protect themselves in some ways to be able to function and live their lives.

And?

He chose to have kids and be a dad that doesn't end because it's hard. Kids have feelings too.

Just pay an attorney to send her a letter, via certified mail, detailing your concerns. Make sure you carefully document any further communication with her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can take it to court but the judge will probably just tell her to send the kids and no consequences when she does not or at least that was our experience. Judge ordered her to pay a higher cost of the plane tickets but she never paid anything. All they care is if you are paying child support. Take it to court once and then give up, sad to say, but she isn't going to budge and there are only a few rare judges who will hold up father's rights and the reality of you getting a good and reasonable judge is slim. Mom will come up with all kinds of accusations against you and despite not being able to prove them, nothing will change.

My husband gave up when his youngest was 14. He cut them off when that child was 18 financially and moved on. We hear from them or his ex on a rare occasion. Sadly, my husband would prefer not to hear from them after how they treated him.

How they treated him? The kids were just victims of their mother. Can you blame them for giving up? After all it's what they learned from dear old dad. Men go after what they want relentlessly. Your husband simply wasn't that interested in being a father to them.

I don't know how you can stand to be involved with someone who just gave up on his kids.

I watched my brother go through this and it was torturous. He remarried and had two kids but his emotional resources, his financial resources, his energy was tied up in trying to fight the fight to keep contact with his 2 kids form his first marriage. His second marriage and kids got a worn out, beat down dad. When his first two were 12 and 14, mom dropped them off at his house and walked away. He finally had his kids but he was a broken man. The sleepless nights, the emotional trauma of the alienation and accusations, the legal fight, the money wasted and financial devastation, the years of turmoil and pain took a terrible toll. Then he had two angry teens who had been taught to hate him who now also had a stepmother and 2 siblings. Their home life became a nightmare, step mother kept threatening to take their kids and leave, my brother wondered why he had fought so hard for so long to end up with a life of chaos, a crumbling marriage and 4 kids who were mad at dad.

Men have feelings too. They have limits to what they can handle, they need to be able to protect themselves in some ways to be able to function and live their lives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can take it to court but the judge will probably just tell her to send the kids and no consequences when she does not or at least that was our experience. Judge ordered her to pay a higher cost of the plane tickets but she never paid anything. All they care is if you are paying child support. Take it to court once and then give up, sad to say, but she isn't going to budge and there are only a few rare judges who will hold up father's rights and the reality of you getting a good and reasonable judge is slim. Mom will come up with all kinds of accusations against you and despite not being able to prove them, nothing will change.

My husband gave up when his youngest was 14. He cut them off when that child was 18 financially and moved on. We hear from them or his ex on a rare occasion. Sadly, my husband would prefer not to hear from them after how they treated him.

How they treated him? The kids were just victims of their mother. Can you blame them for giving up? After all it's what they learned from dear old dad. Men go after what they want relentlessly. Your husband simply wasn't that interested in being a father to them.

I don't know how you can stand to be involved with someone who just gave up on his kids.

After multiple expensive court battles where judge gave visitation and mom refused it and judge did nothing, what is someone supposed to do? Oldest two were over 18, youngest was 14 at the time. They only contacted him for money beyond child support which they claimed mom never received each month (which was a lie). If the courts will not uphold the orders or change custody, then what do you do when you call every day and no one answers the phone, when you fly out cross country to get your kids after mom does not put them on the plane and mom refuses and cops refuse to get involved. So, you spend more money going to court on attorneys and air fare multiple times and nothing changes. Yes, at some point you give up, especially after 8 years of the crap. They are a victim but there is no excuse for them to scream and yell at their Dad and make accusations that never happened, especially when mom was the abusive one and had two kids who were not hers removed from her care. So, yes, when they call us demanding money as adults, you do give up and say no. When you ask them to disclose what scholarships and loans and grades in order to get financial help from Dad and they refuse demanding a check for thousands, yes, you say no and stop the back and forth. When they refuse to visit and yet demand plane tickets (that they choose to use for something else as they are adults and in their name), yes, you stop buying them (or what we have done is say pay them and we'll reimburse you when you are here)...... yes, at some point after so many years you do stop being interested. He was a very active father till she cheated on him, moved the kids cross country and refused contact. How can he be an active father if he is denied contact and the courts are a joke?

Clearly you are a mom who took the kids and played games so you can then complain about the deadbeat uninterested Dad.

His ex-wife did me a huge favor. I got a great husband and father for my kids out of the deal. I think she knows it too as she emails regularly and is annoyed at how well he/we are doing which he never could have achieved with her... if she only knew now how much he made.

Get legal advice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you living so far away from your kids?

Irrelevant. If OP's ex-wife is in violation of a court order, OP's ZIP code is of no consequence.

Not irrelevant in the court of DCUM.

Anonymous wrote:OP your situation totally sucks, I hope you can persevere for the kid's sake. It will mean a lot to them that you did not give up. I think people are mentioning how far you live from them just because if you could possibly get closer it would be a little easier to fight her on this stuff. Hang in there, I know what it's like because my son's ex wife is and was an unreasonable bitch, he stayed in a torturous relationship until his youngest was 18 just to stay close to her. She's almost 21 now and they have a great relationship, but he paid a heavy price for that.

Absolutely this! Do not ever give up and document every effort you make to see those kids. It will mean a lot, but I hope you get your time with them. Get yourself a good lawyer to guide you.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can take it to court but the judge will probably just tell her to send the kids and no consequences when she does not or at least that was our experience. Judge ordered her to pay a higher cost of the plane tickets but she never paid anything. All they care is if you are paying child support. Take it to court once and then give up, sad to say, but she isn't going to budge and there are only a few rare judges who will hold up father's rights and the reality of you getting a good and reasonable judge is slim. Mom will come up with all kinds of accusations against you and despite not being able to prove them, nothing will change.

My husband gave up when his youngest was 14. He cut them off when that child was 18 financially and moved on. We hear from them or his ex on a rare occasion. Sadly, my husband would prefer not to hear from them after how they treated him.

How they treated him? The kids were just victims of their mother. Can you blame them for giving up? After all it's what they learned from dear old dad. Men go after what they want relentlessly. Your husband simply wasn't that interested in being a father to them.

I don't know how you can stand to be involved with someone who just gave up on his kids.

OP your situation totally sucks, I hope you can persevere for the kid's sake. It will mean a lot to them that you did not give up. I think people are mentioning how far you live from them just because if you could possibly get closer it would be a little easier to fight her on this stuff. Hang in there, I know what it's like because my son's ex wife is and was an unreasonable bitch, he stayed in a torturous relationship until his youngest was 18 just to stay close to her. She's almost 21 now and they have a great relationship, but he paid a heavy price for that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take her to court for failing to uphold the terms of the divorce agreement. Make her pay physically and literally for being such a selfish, unreasonable b-*tch. Your poor kids.

So how does she "pay physically?" Is she to give a pint of blood? And let's hold off on calling her a "selfish, unreasonable b*tch" until both sides are heard. I'd also like to know why dad is living so far away that he has to take a plane. And how old are the kids? Why did the marriage end?

None of this matters - my husband's ex cheated on him with his best friend (who was married and friends with her). They took both sets of kids and moved cross country. So, traveling was the only option for the kids/dad. Its not always the Man who cheats and leaves their family. They fought in court for years and she always refused visitation with accusation she could never prove (though child welfare did get involved and removed the boyfriend's kids from the home due to her abusing them but refused to remove my husband's kids). Its not always what it appears - great mom, bad dad, dad needs to move cross country if he wants to see the kids (my husband moved closer and she still refused).

OP, you can take it to court but the judge will probably just tell her to send the kids and no consequences when she does not or at least that was our experience. Judge ordered her to pay a higher cost of the plane tickets but she never paid anything. All they care is if you are paying child support. Take it to court once and then give up, sad to say, but she isn't going to budge and there are only a few rare judges who will hold up father's rights and the reality of you getting a good and reasonable judge is slim. Mom will come up with all kinds of accusations against you and despite not being able to prove them, nothing will change.

My husband gave up when his youngest was 14. He cut them off when that child was 18 financially and moved on. We hear from them or his ex on a rare occasion. Sadly, my husband would prefer not to hear from them after how they treated him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ad hominem; derailment tactic. I have no opinion of OP's ex-wife. OP asked a question, and as I have not seen it addressed in this forum, thoughtful responses would be of interest. I am neither married nor a parent, but given OP's account, I'm curious to see whether this is common.

15:40 and 15:41 gave thoughtful responses.

Good, let's see more. OP is already planning on consulting with legal counsel. I'm sure he would like to read some personal experiences beyond "call a lawyer."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take her to court for failing to uphold the terms of the divorce agreement. Make her pay physically and literally for being such a selfish, unreasonable b-*tch. Your poor kids.

So how does she "pay physically?" Is she to give a pint of blood? And let's hold off on calling her a "selfish, unreasonable b*tch" until both sides are heard. I'd also like to know why dad is living so far away that he has to take a plane. And how old are the kids? Why did the marriage end?

Derailment tactics. Insistence on hearing both sides of the story has never been a requirement of any DCUM thread. Men (and blacks, for that matter) are routinely branded as criminals or psychologically diagnosed without the benefit of their side being heard. Furthermore, OP's residence, the age of the children, or the reason for the end of the marriage are of no consequence in the face of a violation of a court order. These questions are posed for one reason and one reason only: To device some fiction as to why OP is not deserving of his rights pursuant to a court order.

OP, do not be fooled by these, or any other, derailment tactics if you want a genuine response to your question.

I guess we figured out who's posting that OP's ex-wife is an "unreasonable b*tch."

Ad hominem; derailment tactic. I have no opinion of OP's ex-wife. OP asked a question, and as I have not seen it addressed in this forum, thoughtful responses would be of interest. I am neither married nor a parent, but given OP's account, I'm curious to see whether this is common.

15:40 and 15:41 gave thoughtful responses.

15:50 some of us did try to answer OPs question, but the bs posts are consuming the thread.

These things happen more often than they should, and OP should hire a lawyer and seek custody (and do everything he can to force visitation to occur for the duration it's supposed to).