I can't read them b/c I stupidly allowed him to have snapchat and now they all have it and talk that way. I guess I could randomly open tho

I do regularly with my 14DD. Worst I have found was a picture on a young boys erect penis.

We spot check occasionally. If she seems abnormally moody or stressed, sometimes we check for clues. If she's breaking rules and getting in trouble at home, we check to see if something deeper is going on that she'd discuss with friends but not us.

Once she had been stressed out and snapping at everyone at home for a few days and it was becoming intolerable. I checked her phone overnight and found out she was stressed because her bff was depressed and cutting, and she was talking to their third bff trying to figure out how to help her without breaking her confidence. Checking her texts allowed me to take the burden off her shoulders and handle the situation, because an adult needed to step in and help.

Usually though, it's just crazy teen crap that I don't understand and/or don't care about. I never use anything I learn that way against her. But then again she hasn't done anything bad like bullying or planning a bank heist, so I guess I would respond differently if I found something terrible.

I check less as she gets older and has shown she's more responsible.

Anonymous wrote:12 year old DS and he recently got a phone. I do read his texts from time to time. He knows it and has no problem with it.

What phone did you get him and what company did you go with? I'm about to get my 12 year old a phone. I have a family plan with my older son under Tmobile but I'm thinking of getting my 12 year old a plan under boost mobile or one of those type of companies and possible moving all of us over.

12 year old DS and he recently got a phone. I do read his texts from time to time. He knows it and has no problem with it.

No. I do read email to make sure he responds to school related requests.

He definitely needs some space to be his own person. I know his friends well enough.

Kids are doing stuff that they shouldn't. We all believe our kids are the good ones not doing anything inappropriate. Some of us are wrong about that and prefer to not know. I'm not naive enough to think my daughter (who rats out anyone for bad behavior) would come to me every time she or one of her friends does something stupid. It's worth a look, and I like the idea of going through it together but also being able to look on your own (having passwords)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish more parents would. I'm surprised by what I read on my daughters text. Suicidal teens, teens cutting, and a lot more I'm sure their parents have no clue about.

I agree. Learned who was doing drugs and who supplied alcohol to the kids.

Mine will tell me if I ask. Never even thought of reading her messaging (or whatever other apps they use). You should read what they write on Vent.

I did until I came across a three way text convo about the size of the body part of a boy whose parents I know very well. I haven't peeked since.

Don't the kid just erase the texts? My oldest is 11 so this is new for me but I suspect she just erases texts she doesn't want me to see.
Also because mcps has all the kids using google, they seem like to use google hang outs to chat....is there a way to monitor that?

Anonymous wrote:I wish more parents would. I'm surprised by what I read on my daughters text. Suicidal teens, teens cutting, and a lot more I'm sure their parents have no clue about.

I agree. Learned who was doing drugs and who supplied alcohol to the kids.

Yes. In HS now and I definitely check texts and Instagram. I don't allow snapchat and she isn't interested in any other platforms. I have come across some *very* alarming stuff. What is interesting has been that since she knows I am checking, several times she has shown me stuff that she has found concerning or objectionable and twice she showed me posts that really did need to be addressed by a parent or someone at school.

Anonymous wrote:How old your teen?

Mine is 15. I do it about once a month. She knows and hates it. I hate it too actually.

I heard a PEP coach (whose own children are high school and college) advise that you do it with your teen. You both start out groaning and joking about how awkward it is, then you flip through the messages and it sparks conversation between the two of you (which will range from the serious to the totally inane). If you manage it right, you bring down the awkwardness level and use it to check in and connect. I'm sure a lot of PEP coach advice is easier said than done...

Pretending social media and texting is private gives kids a false sense of security that their words will not come back to bite them.

I thinks it's good to spit check during middle school to provide guidance.

Kids need to know their words, pictures, videos may be viewed by the public. They should be judicious about their communications.

Anonymous wrote:I wish more parents would. I'm surprised by what I read on my daughters text. Suicidal teens, teens cutting, and a lot more I'm sure their parents have no clue about.

And these are not kids you would expect ever to do these things.