DD is 15 and her friends detest crude language. Very vulgar words make them uncomfortable and they hate being around the kids using them.

I empathize with OP, my DD is a third grader at a sought after charter and the bad language she reports is absolutely horrible. I am shocked that it started so young and this is a big motivator for me to leave the charter and switch to private. Better it start in sixth and not third. We instruct DD on what is appropriate but I don't even want her around this kind of language in just the third grade. It is true that it is only about four kids out of a class of 20, but that's all you need.

Wow, my 4th grader recently started dropping the f bomb and sh*t and WTH. I don't know where he got it, but I'm shocked. You colleagues be glad you're hearing it in middle school.

Anonymous wrote:Whatever. They are words, Op, just words. And they have the power that you give them. Teach your child to value actions not words. Words are not bad, people's behavior and actions are.

What you should be worried about is social engineering, bullying, mean social media posts, exclusionary behavior, oversexed pictures kids post on Insta, oral sex parties, random drunk hook-ups, crazy unheard of drugs and vape smoking. These things are right around the corner for your DD.

Disagree with this. Words in fact are very powerful and the choice of which words we use to communicate and describe emotions says a lot about us as people.

I distinctly recall getting detention in 6th grade for dropping the F bomb in front of a teacher because another student was teasing and poking me. I felt ashamed and angry and was never loose lipped at school again. I did, however, swear like a sailor with my friends until I had my own kids. Like somebody else said, tell your DD that what she says in private with her friends is her own business, but what she says in your house and in front of other adults is clean ONLY, period. If she doesn't abide by the rule, take something away.

There are larger worries OP. As long as you don't use that language in your house and tell your DD why you don't...then don't worry about someone else.


When I was young, my mom wouldn't let me hang out with kids who had divorced parents. Mostly, she was worried about sleepovers where one parent had a different person than a spouse sleeping with them. It seemed weird to me until one of the divorced dads was jailed for child molestation.

People have rules for their own homes. Live your life and not someone else's.

I encourage my kids, who attend the Cathedral schools, to curse like sailors. There is even a summer etiquette class at our country club that helps kids expand their cursing vocabulary. I was thinking of suggesting the schools add this to their standard curriculums so the kids dont forget all the wonderful variety of curses they learn in the summers.

Anonymous wrote:I also wonder how the girls are able to catch on to these horrid words (examples such as WTF, MF, B**** etc that even to repeat here I find really disturbing). Where do they get these from? Their parents, as one can expect, are fine set of folks with both a good education and have done well. Their friends are just these bunch of girls. The books they read in school and shows they apparently share interest in are things like Harry Potter or a bit higher intellectually but nothing that has such words. So I wonder what the source of such foul mouthed language is in the first place?

Secondly, dont the school tell them to not put such language out on the web using the school's devices like laptops or ipads? We first saw this language when a friend of hers posted on Tumblr. Posting online has its won repercussions. And with such words in the lexicon, it is driving us nuts to track everything.

So, yes, both the source of such words and the medium through which they use these words compound my shock.

Thanks all for your guidance.

Right, because wealthy educated people never use profanity. What planet do you live on?

My 4th grader DD told me her "friend"" writes the F word in notes to people.

Not. Very. Smart.

I've never heard any swearing from my age 9-15 year old kids, from their mouths or in texts. Absolutely none. (They attend a big-3, by the way.) Perhaps they're doing it in texts that we don't see (we do look at their phones on occasion), but that'd be news to us. There is zero swearing in our home and always has been that way, so I'm sure that helps -- they don't see it as a usual part of speech. They also don't watch TV on any regular basis, so there's no regular source of swear words that we've seen or heard. I've never heard their classmates or sports teammates swear either. Yes, our kids have seen movies and TV shows that have some minor swearing but it's just not part of their day to day life. And they certainly know it's not to be done in our home.

Hi, we as parents, we know that our kid’s friends have huge influence on them. Many teenagers now are comfortable using curse words. Our role is to watch their language and being their role models.
I always tell my son that cursing and foul language are not appropriate and he should not copy others, although sometimes I heard him say “what the heck”, then I would remind him again. I would like to encourage you to talk to your daughter and remind her too that those words are not pleasant to hear. Let your child know your concerns. Praying for you.

I agree that words are just words, which is why I don't have an issue with my middle school daughter using that language with her friends, especially in text conversations. She knows that it is not to be used around teachers or other parents and she also knows it's fine by me if she uses it at home to some extent. My husband and I are not against cursing. She and her older sister are very articulate and write well for school assignments so I don't worry that this is impacting their overall communication. I see this as part of life in that you learn where to use certain types of language and if you're an intelligent person you can shift very easily as needed.

In terms of the other things that previous posters have suggested are coming I would NOT agree. My oldest just graduated from high school and she has never been involved in things like oral sex parties or even drinking because it's not what she and her friends enjoy. For the most part they would hang out and do sleepovers and watch movies and talk or something laid back like that. They do still curse like sailors though and I'm ok with that when I overhear it because they are really good kids who are all kind, funny and intelligent. Pick your battles and make sure your daughter knows not to use the language around you or other adults if you don't like it.

Whatever. They are words, Op, just words. And they have the power that you give them. Teach your child to value actions not words. Words are not bad, people's behavior and actions are.

What you should be worried about is social engineering, bullying, mean social media posts, exclusionary behavior, oversexed pictures kids post on Insta, oral sex parties, random drunk hook-ups, crazy unheard of drugs and vape smoking. These things are right around the corner for your DD.

Anonymous wrote:How could you tell?

Who are you asking? The parent who allows her kids to swear in French? If so, I can tell because I UNDERSTAND French. See how that works...?