Anonymous wrote:This sh*t make me furious because I was a child of divorce. You knew who he was when you stood at the alter in front of your friends and family, and promised for better or for worse. You knew who he was when you had kids. You CHOSE to have children with him (I'm asssuming, if you have more than one). . As far as I can tell from the OP he hasn't changed, he isn't addicted, he isn't abusive, he's a nice guy. He's the guy you said you would be with till death do you part.
Get counseling-- alone or separate and get your act together. You owe it to your kids to be a grownup and make it work. Once you have kids, it's about them first, not some notion you have of self fulfillment. Making your kids spend the rest of their lives living 1/2 time in each house and having no firm base and no permanent home, dividing Christmas, only spending half their birthdays with you is terrible. And someday, your kids will have kids-- and they will still spend only 1/2 the time with you they could. And I have zero respect for people who make the decision to put kids through this because they "outgrew" their spouse.
Get a sitter, find something in common (a concert series, a class, nice dinners) and spend time together. Fix your marriage, rather than deciding their are better fish in the sea. If you are a woman with multiple kids, there aren't, and single, 1/2 parenthood while paying to maintain 2 households is just not glamorous.
Also-- learned helplessness happens in a marriage where one partner is a control freak. Look in the mirror. I do but this is 100% your DH.
Anonymous wrote:
My husband is very good person- makes decent living, works hard, great dad but I feel like he's not intellectually challenging enough and I am running circles around him on figuring most things out.
He likes Fox News and espn--- which is fine, but never interested in reading or anything intellectual. I don't think he's read a book in our 15 years of marriage. He doesn't have much interesting to say and to discuss world events, watch a documentary - forget it. When anything breaks, he acts frustrated and gives up and I have to fix it. From a broken light to a broken pack n play. I handle most of our money decisions and financial planning. I get worn out as I would live someone who took care of that stuff for faymily.
I know marriage is constant work and our young kids would be devasted if we divorced, but I just feel constant frustration. He gets defensive when I get upset but I'm like, really- " you can't figure out how to work the shower in our rental vacation house". Pull and twist the knob a little harder.
But I can't help but feel frustrated and I know that isn't nice.
I make three times the money working too but that is primarily because of different industries. He used to make more.
I want to step back and let him take charge but feel like financially if I'm not taking control we won't be as set.
Overall how should I proceed and get over my feelings of frustration?
Anonymous wrote:
My husband is very good person- makes decent living, works hard, great dad but I feel like he's not intellectually challenging enough and I am running circles around him on figuring most things out.
He likes Fox News and espn--- which is fine, but never interested in reading or anything intellectual. I don't think he's read a book in our 15 years of marriage. He doesn't have much interesting to say and to discuss world events, watch a documentary - forget it. When anything breaks, he acts frustrated and gives up and I have to fix it. From a broken light to a broken pack n play. I handle most of our money decisions and financial planning. I get worn out as I would live someone who took care of that stuff for faymily.
I know marriage is constant work and our young kids would be devasted if we divorced, but I just feel constant frustration. He gets defensive when I get upset but I'm like, really- " you can't figure out how to work the shower in our rental vacation house". Pull and twist the knob a little harder.
But I can't help but feel frustrated and I know that isn't nice.
I make three times the money working too but that is primarily because of different industries. He used to make more.
I want to step back and let him take charge but feel like financially if I'm not taking control we won't be as set.
Overall how should I proceed and get over my feelings of frustration?
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my ex except for the not fixing things part, mine was great at fixing, building, power tools, etc.
He was also a really good dad and the kids loved him.
I found him somewhat boring as time went on, and that Fox news stuff can be a bit frustrating too.
We didn't split up until the youngest graduated from high school. I didn't see any reason to throw my kids' lives into chaos just because I had a low tolerance for boring.