I'm a guy, 50s and wouldn't mind hanging out occasionally, but I'm not interested in sex or any kind of intimacy. Maybe get together and do something every 7-10 days, that's it.

To the posters at 13:36, 14:44, and 15:45, thank you. Great messages.

I was married for almost 28 years and the final five years (and the divorce) took a real toll on my self-esteem. I am sure many others (both men and women) feel this way.

When I was dating 30 years ago I was looking for someone with whom I could start a family. Now, I am looking for someone with whom I can enjoy life (e.g., travel, go out to dinner, etc.)

I think some of the on/off, mixed message, pursue and pull back issues relate to self-esteem and current dating goals. For me, I will not pursue a relationship without a very clear message that the woman is interested. In the past, because I was looking for someone to start a family with, I might have pushed harder in the earlier stages of dating if I thought she was interested me but not sure about a relationship, etc.

Now, unless she is very clear that she is interested in me, I am will not contact her. I do not want to waste her time or mine.

Anonymous wrote:

ddintysons wrote:PP - Would you please give us an example of the games they are playing? Is it ghosting (i.e., they will call and then disappear) or pretending to single when they are married?

I am divorced (53 year old man) and have been in the dating world about a year. Trying to learn as much as possible as fast as possible.

I'm not the PP to whom you're directing your question, but this is a fairly good description at what I've encountered "out there" in the wild west of online dating:
https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/the-confusing-and-horrible-rise-of-the-several-night-stand

Mixed messages, confusing on and off signals, pursue & pull back cycles... it's very frustrating behavior that I never encountered when I was younger and meeting guys in real life, before the existence of online dating. Not sure why this is more prevalent now It's probably the appearance of "abundance of choices" that online dating provides. Everyone is always seeing a bunch of faces and apparently limitless possibilities on their screens and thinking that surely there's someone better than the perfectly nice person whose company they're enjoying right now. So people find it hard to focus on one person at a time and allow a real relationship to grow and flourish.

THIS!!!!

ddintysons wrote:PP - Would you please give us an example of the games they are playing? Is it ghosting (i.e., they will call and then disappear) or pretending to single when they are married?

I am divorced (53 year old man) and have been in the dating world about a year. Trying to learn as much as possible as fast as possible.

Ghosting, hot & cold, mixed messages, lack of transparency, a lot of lip service and I don't mean in a sexual way. It's just so frustrating and discouraging.

ddintysons wrote:PP - Would you please give us an example of the games they are playing? Is it ghosting (i.e., they will call and then disappear) or pretending to single when they are married?

I am divorced (53 year old man) and have been in the dating world about a year. Trying to learn as much as possible as fast as possible.

I'm not the PP to whom you're directing your question, but this is a fairly good description at what I've encountered "out there" in the wild west of online dating:
https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/the-confusing-and-horrible-rise-of-the-several-night-stand

Mixed messages, confusing on and off signals, pursue & pull back cycles... it's very frustrating behavior that I never encountered when I was younger and meeting guys in real life, before the existence of online dating. Not sure why this is more prevalent now It's probably the appearance of "abundance of choices" that online dating provides. Everyone is always seeing a bunch of faces and apparently limitless possibilities on their screens and thinking that surely there's someone better than the perfectly nice person whose company they're enjoying right now. So people find it hard to focus on one person at a time and allow a real relationship to grow and flourish.

Anonymous wrote:I'm 50 and have dated men in their mid to late 50s. I would think they'd not want to play games but the ones I'm running into just want FWB. Maybe I'm just meeting the wrong men?

Yup, that's a lot of what's out there. Attachment avoidants who want to play the field, as posted earlier. It gets increasingly hard to find someone for a LTR at our age, at least in the online dating world.

PP - Would you please give us an example of the games they are playing? Is it ghosting (i.e., they will call and then disappear) or pretending to single when they are married?

I am divorced (53 year old man) and have been in the dating world about a year. Trying to learn as much as possible as fast as possible.

I'm 50 and have dated men in their mid to late 50s. I would think they'd not want to play games but the ones I'm running into just want FWB. Maybe I'm just meeting the wrong men?

I think that stating you are 47 and want to date would do it for me. I believe that most women who want to date also want to have sex with the right person.

And, yes, you will need to filter the crazies.

So basically what I'm getting from this thread is that, as a 47 year old woman, I need to state in my dating that I still like having sex and have no sexual hang-ups. And then filter through the crazies. Or else the men my age will view me as in need of advice from the "how to reverse vaginal atrophy" thread. Am I getting this right?

For the PP at 12:15 who asked, I posted as "single" because I am single now.

I am divorced after 23 years of marriage.

Anonymous wrote:I am male, early 50's, but not single. I am not looking to cheat. But, my experience is I prefer the company of people within 10 years -- we get the same references. I was talking to a colleague who completely missed my "As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly" when I heard I had to go to Cincy for work. ...

That's pretty obscure. I turned 50 this year and I had to google this. But as soon as I saw the first youtube hit, I knew exactly what it was.

I am male, early 50's, but not single. I am not looking to cheat. But, my experience is I prefer the company of people within 10 years -- we get the same references. I was talking to a colleague who completely missed my "As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly" when I heard I had to go to Cincy for work.

There bodies may be tight, they think that Nirvana are oldies.

Anonymous wrote:

ddintysons wrote:I am 53 year old single man and like the online stuff.

Yes but like all men in their 50s, you are looking for 20- and 30-somethings not 50-somethings like OP.

Re-read the thread about "women over 50 who enjoy sex" there you will understand why men aren't looking to date these women

Anonymous wrote:54 year old single guy. I prefer women around my own age but some have issues with sex caused by either a crummy relationship or physical issues that all/most women eventually face. I have no desire for a 30 something as I have no desire for more children. So that means the 40-47 year old is the sweet spot. I'm lucky that I've been able to meet people without using the dating sites, mostly through friends, business or sports. The one exception to all of the above was a fabulous 63 year old I met on vacation in Europe. She was a challenge to keep up with!

I'm divorced but get along very well with me ex.